312: Are You There, Rodd? It’s Me, Goerlich [ft. Monique Moses]
The crew heads to the park planet RV:28-26 at the urging of the Zimas. Dar is peckish. C-53 becomes a believer. Pleck protects his pockets.
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[Main theme music begins]
NARRATOR: It is a time of fear and unrest. Emperor Nermut Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist, and also a Planet Crusher Crusher. Now, Zima Knight Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the Space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zyxx.
DAR: Uhm.. hey, Pleck?
PLECK: Yeah? Yeah, what is it, Dar?
DAR: Uhm, You wouldn't happen to have uhh.. any secret snacks around, would you?
PLECK: Secret snacks?
DAR: You know, snacks that you're keeping a secret, because you hide food.
PLECK: [offended] What does that mean? When have I ever hidden food?
DAR: Okay, one incident comes to mind, you hid that sheet cake from all of us.
C-53: That was so much cake, and you had it all stashed away in your room.
PLECK: When was that?
DAR: [incredulous] On my birthday. Of all days to hide a cake from someone.
C-53: Very cruel.
PLECK: Dar, Dar, I- the cake was in my room because it was your birthday-
C-53: That seems-
PLECK: -and then I brought it out when I lit the can- do you guys not do that on your planet?
DAR: No.
PLECK: Okay.
DAR: And we don't set them on fire.
PLECK: Okay, yeah noted, I won't do it again. I don't have any more cakes.
C-53: Okay, I'm just going to do a quick pocket check here-
PLECK: [slapping C-53] Get out of there!
[Dar gasps]
C-53: It's a- it’s a big bathrobe.
DAR: Feeling awfully protective of all those pockets.
PLECK: These are my- this is my Zima robe. There's Zima stuff in here.
C-53: Yeah, what about the Zima shorts-
DAR: Zima snacks?
PLECK: That is-
C-53: These are big shorts.
PLECK: Okay.
C-53: Very roomy.
PLECK: The shorts are, yes, still Federated Alliance issue shorts, but these side pockets can carry any number of things.
C-53: Such as snacks.
DAR: Like…cake?
PLECK: Dar-
DAR: Do you have cake in those pockets?
PLECK: I- First of all, even if I did have food in my pockets, it wouldn't be just loose pieces of cake.
C-53: This is pretty rich, coming from someone who's hidden an entire sheet of cake before.
PLECK: [emphasising] That was for Dar's birthday!
[Dar laughs]
PLECK: Don't high five. Ugh.
AJ: Papa, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I hide food. Do you know that I can eat my pinky if I need to?
PLECK: What?
DAR: What?
AJ: Yeah, they bred all the CLINT’s in case we're in a place where there's no food. We can always eat our pinky. It's high in protein.
PLECK: What do y- what do you mean you can eat your–
AJ: I mean, do you want me to show you?
PLECK: No!
C-53: Uhh, yeah I could.
AJ: Alright.
PLECK: No, no don’t.
DAR: I mean, yeah, if you want to just-
PLECK: No, AJ.
DAR: - Y’know, crack open a shell-
[disgusting groans from all three]
PLECK: Oh! AJ!
AJ: Does anyone want some pinky?
PLECK: No.
C-53: No.
AJ: Papa, come on. Papa, you- I mean, you hide food. You probably want a little bit of this.
PLECK: [sighs] Guys, I don't hide food.
AJ: Does anybody want my pinky? I mean, I'm just holding it like an idiot right now.
PLECK: AJ, is it made of food, or is it your finger?
AJ: Well, it's both. Don't worry, guys. It'll grow back. That's the thing.
C-53: It'll grow back?
AJ: Grows back.
PLECK: Listen, Dar, why were you asking if I had secret snacks?
DAR: Isn't it obvious? I've eaten all the food aboard Bargie.
PLECK: You're still hungry? You-
[Dar groans]
PLECK: -just ate 42 trays of lasagna, like, a couple hours ago on Zima Prime.
DAR: Yeah, and then I got aboard Bargie and ate everything that we had in storage. Honestly, if you put hot sauce on something, it's delicious. You could put hot sauce on anything.
Tell you what. When you have a being growing inside of you-
PLECK: Okay-
DAR: -then I can judge you for how much you're eating.
PLECK: Alright, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sure you're probably burning a lot of extra calories, you've got to make a lot of calories. I get it.
BARGIE: [in robotic voice] I’VE BEEN HUNGRY FOR A LONG TIME.
PLECK: What?
BARGIE: [in robotic voice] I’VE BEEN VERY HUNGRY FOR A LONG TIME.
C-53: Who is that?
PLECK: Bargie?
BARGIE: I fooled you, it's me, it's me, it's Bargie.
DAR: Uh-
C-53: Bargie, what are you doing with your voice?
DAR: What's going on?
PLECK: Bargie-
BARGIE: I want to make a very important announcement.
PLECK: Oh.
DAR: Oh, okay.
BARGIE: I've uh, I’ve had some time to talk to one of my little criminal friends. They were like, "Bargie, you need to download this app."
PLECK: Wait-
C-53: Little criminal friends?
PLECK: …Criminal friends?
BARGIE: Yeah, you know as you get older, You get a bunch of new friends, uh-
PLECK: Bargie, you shouldn't have any criminal friends.
BARGIE: Very deep, dark things that they've done. Like, think of the most horrific thing-
PLECK: Uhhh.
BARGIE: -and then multiply it. Anyway, look what I can do.
BARGIE: [in AJ’s voice] Hey, it's me-
AJ: What's going on?
BARGIE: Y’know, the extra one. I mean, I don't really know who this is.
PLECK: Whoa.
AJ: Whoa, papa, what's happening?
PLECK: Bargie, that is a--
AJ: Lock and load! Taking this guy out.
PLECK: Okay, AJ, no-
C-53: AJ, AJ, AJ-
PLECK: That is just- it's just Bargie. Bargie!
PLECK: It's a vocal modulation app. Little criminals are like, "Hey, it's really fun. It records everybody around you at all times."
PLECK: Wait-
BARGIE: "Downloads their information in the voices."
C-53: Bargie, this is- This sounds very legally questionable.
BARGIE: And then you can edit it and make your own sentences like this. [it Pleck’s voice] Hey, it's me, Pleck Dorksarter.
PLECK: What?
BARGIE: Always crapping in the bathroom, blah, blah.
[AJ laughs]
C-53: [laughing] That’s a pretty good Pleck.
PLECK: That is not- I've never once said that, I've never once said that.
C-53: Yeah, but you always are pooping in the bathroom.
AJ: Papa you, you’re pooping in the bathroom a lot.
PLECK: It’s-
BARGIE: Oh, here’s C-53, I got this one, too, I've been practicing. I've been noticing, you know, the things that you say. Here we go- Oh, it's me, C-53, I'm always pooping in the bathroom.
PLECK: Now, that's actually- I don't think I've ever seen that.
C-53: Yeah, I’m not sure I've ever done that.
DAR: I don’t think that’s right, no.
BARGIE: Dar, I respect you too much, so.
DAR: Thank you.
BARGIE: Yeah.
[incoming transmission beeps]
C-53: Uh, Papa Decksetter, we have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager, Nermut Bundaloy.
PLECK: Okay, Hey, Nermut, what's up, man?
NERMUT: Heyyyy, guys. I think I- oh, I must have bumped the button. Huh.
PLECK: You bumped the call button?
NERMUT: Yeah I don’t, I mean-
PLECK: Nermut, Nermut, what are you rolling? What are you rolling in that piece of paper?
NERMUT: Huh? Oh, a little-- just a cigarillio.
C-53: Ciga- cigarillio?
PLECK: Did you say a cigarillio?
NERMUT: Yeah, that's like a cool name.
PLECK: Nermut, you smoke?
NERMUT: I'm starting.
PLECK: Why? What are you doing?
NERMUT: I realize, like, I was so locked into my thinking on Philem and nesting, and I was so focused on being a dad, being a dad, but then the question is, what kind of dad?
PLECK: Uhh-
NERMUT: -and I found the answer. I want to be a cool dad.
PLECK: Nermut-
C-53: Okay.
DAR:Ohh.
PLECK: -listen, you're- with all due respect, you're not going to be.. that.
DAR: Not possible.
NERMUT: What? No, that's what I mean. So many kids are like, my dad's a nerd, or my dad is- like, I don't relate to him. And I think if I do things like how I'm leaning in this hammock kind of- see how I'm very chill?
PLECK: I don't, man.
C-53: You look very uncomfortable to be perfectly honest.
NERMUT: It's not comfortable, but it looks chill. And- and then things like smoking, or like I would say a curse word that I don't normally- like let’s do a jucking mission!
C-53: You shouldn't teach a child- you shouldn’t teach a child to smoke and curse. That's not a cool thing to do.
NERUT: But, hear- hear me out. Like, I want to be the kind of dad where a kid is like, ‘do you want to go steal skateboards with me?’
[Nermut puffs the cigarillio and coughs]
PLECK: Nermut- Nermut, put that out!
NERMUT: [choking] Strong!
[Nermut lights another cigarillio]
DAR: What happened to organizing the scrolls?
PLECK: Nermut-
DAR: -and data management?
[cigarillio starts a fire]
PLECK: Nermut, you're supposed to be organizing the Zima Society and, like, get on top of stuff.
NERMUT: Oh, absolutely.
[Nermut tries to put out a fire]
DAR: We were not planning for you to absorb their culture.
PLECK: Nermut, just call us when you have a mission, okay?
NERMUT: No, no, no, let's hang out. Let's hang.
PLECK: Hang out?
NERMUT: Let's keep it chill.
PLECK: Nermut.
NERMUT: Yeah, Well, I mean, I have a mission. Let’s do- I have one.
PLECK: Do you?
NERMUT: Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, boo-boo-boo-boo.
AJ: What is it?
NERMUT: Yes. Here it is.
AJ: Great.
NERMUT: RV:28-26.
AJ: Ohhh!
NERMUT: You know it?
AJ: I don't.
NERMUT: Oh.
PLECK: What is RV:28-26?
NERMUT: All of the Zimas are talking about it, how it's just like this amazing, like, gathering ground with such sweet energy. It's mind-changing, Big Turtle talks about it, Kiarondo talks about it, and everybody, Little Boy.
[AJ groans]
NERMUT: And the Zimas say that when you- when you get to the top and you see the view, you're- you’re basically looking through Rodd's eyes.
PLECK: What?
C-53: Okay.
NERMUT: And they're like, you gotta go!
C-53: Well, more to the point, RV:28-26 is on the GEPS list, which is, of course, rather significant.
PLECK: What- what is that?
C-53: The Galactic Ecology Preservation Society. Are you not familiar?
PLECK: Wait. Nermut, your- our mission is to go to a park?
NERMUT: Yeah.
DAR: What?
NERMUT: Bada-boom.
DAR: And you're sending us there because your new stoner friends think it's an excellent place to hang out?
NERMUT: Exactly. Dar gets it.
C-53: Nermut, we are being-
DAR: No!
C-53: -hunted by assassins sent by the Emperor, And you want us to go to a galactic park? Why do we have to go here? Nermut, I'm confused.
PLECK: How the juck is this helping our mission to defeat the Emperor?
NERMUT: Sometimes you just- I think the voyage is the destination, man. Am I right?
AJ: Wait, what? What- wait. What did you just say?
NERMUT: The voyage is the destination.
AJ: Wait, the- wait, hold on. The voyage?
NERMUT: Guys, by the end of this trip, all of your minds are going to be that blown.
C-53: Okay.
PLECK: Hold on, hold on.
C-53: Nermut, is there some sort of resource or thing we’re trying to acquire at RV:28-26?
NERMUT: Yeah, I think we're going to have an endless supply of vibes.
C-53: Oh boy.
DAR: I think this Nermut Bundaloy is the Wack one now.
PLECK: Yeah, I think you're right. Nermut, I have to ask you-
NERMUT: Yeah.
PLECK: I don't think I've ever asked this.
NERMUT: Yeah.
PLECK: Do we have to? I don't want to do this.
AJ: [under his breath] A voyage…
NERMUT: I mean, I might be real chill, but I'm still your boss, so yes.
AJ: …Is the destination?
NERMUT: Yeah.
DAR: You're our boss?
[ad break begins]
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[ad break ends]
PLECK: Wow, look at all these- look at all these vehicles parked here.
C-53: Yes, it's an uncommon amount of mobile homes.
[honking]
C-53:Oh, I'm sorry.
TOURIST: Oh, excuse- ‘scuse us, ‘scuse us, sorry about that.
C-53: Sorry about that.
AJ: Sorry about that. We're just-
TOURIST: Oh yeah we-
DAR: Standing in the way.
TOURIST: We reserved this spot for the night, but nice to meet you.
PLECK: We're just walking through.
C-53: Yeah that’s- our apologies.
PLECK: A lot of tourists here.
DAR: I've never seen so many child sentients on leashes.
TOURIST 2: What are you- What are you doing in my campfire?
PLECK: I’m- I’m sorry-
AJ: Oh I'm standing in the campfire, that’s on me. Standing in your campfire, apologies.
PLECK: AJ, get out of the fire.
TOURIST 2: standing in my campfire..
C-53: Yeah AJ, you sh- you gotta.. You gotta watch out for that, buddy.
AJ: Sorry about that.
PLECK: Oh boy.
TOURIST 3: Excuse me, are you using that stick, I'm just collecting firewood?
PLECK: No, no. This is a very-
TOURIST 3: Can I-
PLECK: -this is an ancient weapon.
AJ: It's a dinglehopper.
TOURIST 3: Okay, but does it burn? Is it dry?
PLECK: Yeah, It certainly would burn, but you should definitely not-
C-53: For sure.
AJ: Don't worry, papa.
[AJ throws something at the tourist]
TOURIST 3: Ow!
PLECK: AJ.
C-53: AJ.
DAR: Yeah, sir, sorry. Pleck doesn't like to share. Everything that's his stays his.
PLECK: [defensive] Okay, that's not-
AJ: He's a food hider.
PLECK: All right, AJ, let's move on. Dar, Let's find someplace to get you some food. I keep hearing that rumbling, and it's kind of freaking me out.
C-53: Yeah, it's likely RV:28-26 has a fully stocked rest stop.
DAR: I mean, if you could just reach into one of your pockets and hand me something to tide me over-
PLECK: I don't have any food.
DAR: You wouldn't have to endure my rumbling tummy.
AJ: Yeah papa, Come on-
C-53: What's in this pocket here-
PLECK: Listen I-, let's just go in, and we'll all buy something, and then we can all have secret snacks.
AJ: All right. Sounds good.
GOERLICH: Hey, y'all, can I help y'all?
PLECK: Uhh, Yeah, actually, thank you. We're just uh, we’re just looking to pick up a couple snacks.
GOERLICH: Oh, good, because I have every flavor of Sun chip.
PLECK: Oh, wow.
GOERLICH: Yeah. Harvest cheddar, original, harvest cheese.
PLECK: Wait, harvest-
AJ: So there's harvest cheddar and harvest cheese?
GOERLICH: Yeah.
AJ: Why would those-
DAR: It doesn't matter, I'm going to take both.
AJ: [under his breath] Both harvest..
PLECK: Listen, we're just swinging through. Y’know we've never been to this park before. It's really nice.
GOERLICH: Oh.
PLECK: A lot of travelers here.
GOERLICH: Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, it's nice to be on a galactic park, because all kinds of people, from all walks of life, are here to see the mountain view.
PLECK: Sure, sure.
GOERLICH: You know, the one and only mountain view.
PLECK: Yeah. A lot of- lot of motorhomes here.
GOERLICH: Yeah, well, I mean, you know the planet's called RV:28-26.
PLECK: Yeah, I just thought that was sort of-
C-53: Astronomical identification.
PLECK: Yeah.
GOERLICH: No, it's very literal. RVs 28 feet to 26 inches are allowed here.
PLECK: Wow.
C-53: Huh, okay.
GOERLICH: Yeah.
C-53: That’s quite a range.
PLECK: That covers a pretty wide range of motorhomes.
GOERLICH: Yeah, very tall RVs with very, very short, small RVs. But, yeah, you guys are just here for snacks? Because I also do blessings. This is also a church and a convenience store.
PLECK: Wait, what?
C-53: Uhh, oh.
GOERLICH: Yeah. Lots of tourists come in, and they uh, they want to make sure they are blessed up for their trip.
PLECK: Wow. Wow. What is your name?
GOERLICH: Uhh Goerlich.
PLECK: Goerlich?
GOERLICH: Yeah.
PLECK: Well, it is a pleasure to meet you.
GOERLICH: I'm a- I’m a priestess.
PLECK: Sure.
C-53: Oh I see, okay.
GOERLICH: Yeah. I really just live uhh to serve, to bless, to restock the bebops and zuzus.
PLECK: Sure.
DAR: Ooh! Where are the bebops and zuzus?
GOERLICH: Oh, they're just down that aisle there.
DAR: Got to get me a couple hundred of those.
GOERLICH: Okay, Yeah.
PLECK: Goerlich, how did you become a priestess?
GOERLICH: Oh uh, well, I met Rodd at a concert.
PLECK: Uhh.
C-53: Hmm.
PLECK: You met Rodd?
GOERLICH: Yeah. He is a very chill dude, and also a deity.
PLECK: Right.
GOERLICH: But more chill than deity.
PLECK: Right. Sure. Sure.
GOERLICH: Mhm, and he was always looking for followers, uh y’know, and I was like, "I'll follow you," and I did. And then he was like, "You want to be a priestess?" I'm like, "Heck yeah."
C-53: That is pretty chill.
PLECK: Wow.
GOERLICH: Yeah, it is very chill.
PLECK: That’s really great.
AJ: Dar, you're really making your way through some of the ice cream.
DAR: Why do you feel the need to announce that to everybody?
AJ: I was just- It's just like this aisle is sort of slick with ice cream. I don't know.
DAR: This isn't your aisle. Stay in your aisle.
AJ: Sorry.
DAR: Goerlich, are we allowed to start eating the food in your store, or do we have to wait until we've paid for it?
GOERLICH: Oh, you have to wait until you've paid for it, honey.
DAR: Understood. I'm just going to have to-
[Dar starts heaving]
PLECK: Oh-
C-53: Dar-
PLECK: Dar, I'll just-okay no, Dar.
C-53: I think-
PLECK: -Dar.
C-53: I think she just would’ve let you pay for it.
CHURCH GOER: My good woman, my good one, I'm here to be blessed.
GOERLICH: Oh, welcome, welcome. So you're going to do seven Hail Rodd’s and uhm-
CHURCH GOER: Okay, sure, I’ll have a newspaper, just a couple of greeting cards. Hail, Hail Rodd. Oh, Hail Rodd. Oh, Hail Rodd. Hail Rodd and Hail Rodd and Hail Rodd.
GOERLICH: Okay, that's four kroon. You're blessed. Now get out there and go see that geyser at the top of the mountain.
CHURCH GOER: Okay, thank you so much.
CHURCH GOER’S KID: And I’m her child, but I'm- woah! On a leash-
GOERLICH: Oh, yes. All children must be on leashes.
PLECK: Sure.
C-53: Yeah.
AJ: Uh Goerlich, just a quick Q for you, quick question.
GOERLICH: Sure.
AJ: Papa, no offense-
PLECK: Uhh.
AJ: -but if I wanted to leave the Zimas and join whatever you're into-
PLECK: Wh- AJ?
AJ: -how would I do that?
GOERLICH: Oh, really?
AJ: Yeah.
GOERLICH: Okay, yeah, that's great, we're always looking for new followers.
AJ: Oh, that sounds interesting.
GOERLICH: Yeah.
PLECK: AJ, you're just going to leave the Zima-
AJ: I don't know, I'm just keeping my options open. I'm just like spiritual, you know? I'm like the best at being spiritual. I’m just like, when it comes to spirituality, I'm like, yeah!
GOERLICH: Oh, wow. Yeah, no, you can definitely join. Just have to put on this apron here-
AJ: Oooh!
GOERLICH: -and work here three days a week.
AJ: Oh.
GOERLICH: Yeah.
PLECK: Wait, being a- being a priestess involves working at this convenience store?
GOERLICH: Mm-hmm.
PLECK: Uhh.
C-53: Papa Decksetter this is-
PLECK: Yeah, I don't know.
C-53: I don't know either-
DAR: Um, Pleck?
PLECK: Yeah, what is it?
DAR: I just, um, I got to ask you something.
PLECK: What is it, Dar?
DAR: Can you please move aside?
PLECK: What? I'm standing up against this aisle.
DAR: Yeah, but there's just a whole array of powdered donuts behind you.
PLECK: Dar, you need to slow down a little bit.
DAR: A shove!
PLECK: Okay, ow, wow. Okay, sorry. Yeah.
C-53: Yeah, you okay Pleck?
PLECK: yeah.
C-53: That was a hard shove.
PLECK: ..Yeah.
DAR: He was blocking the donuts.
C-53: M’kay.
[shop RV engine turns on]
AJ: Uh, why are we moving? Why are we moving? That’s weird.
GOERLICH: I mean, how else are you going to get around the park?
PLECK: Oh.
GOERLICH: This is a very big park.
PLECK: Wha-, is this- is this store on wheels?
GOERLICH: It certainly is, son.
PLECK: Oh.
C-53: Oh.
GOERLICH: Because this is the only store on RV:28-26.
PLECK: Wow. So you- your store just travels around the planet to where all the tourists are? GOERLICH: Sure enough does. Um, you guys here to see the mountain?
C-53: I think we’re actually just here for the snacks.
PLECK: Uh, technically. Yeah.
GOERLICH: Are you sure? Because when you get to the top of that mountain, there is a view there that is-
C-53: Really worth it?
GOERLICH: Oh, my goodness, is the sky blue?
DAR: I mean, on some planets.
GOERLICH: Is water wet?
C-53: Sure.
PLECK: Water's wet everywhere.
GOERLICH: Water's wet, yes and that mountain view is a view to behold. Also, there's a geyser on top of the mountain.
PLECK: Wow, yeah, it must be really nice to be around such natural beauty all the time.
GOERLICH: I thank Rodd every day for the opportunity.
PLECK: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
GOERLICH: Do you need ice? Because we have bags of ice at the back of the store
C-53: Actually we do need a couple bags of ice, yeah.
PLECK: Yeah, we could use a couple bags of ice.
GOERLICH: Yeah, great. Cool.
SHOPPER: I think it's time for my ice cold tea. Yum, yum, yum, opening up the fridge and- AHHHH!
PLECK: Dar! What are you doing?
SHOPPER: Are you okay?
DAR: I mean, I'm fine.
PLECK: Dar, what-
DAR: What are you doing interrupting my feeding?
SHOPPER: I don't know-
C-53: Dar you’re not supposed to be in there.
PLECK: Dar, why are you in that refrigerator?
DAR: Uhh you know, just keeping it cool while I down a couple of gallons.
SHOPPER: Would you mind? I think my ice tea is on your-
DAR: I don't mean to be rude-
SHOPPER: No? It’s not behind you or-
DAR: -but there's nothing here for you.
SHOPPER: It is ice tea o'clock!
PLECK: Okay, I didn't know that was a thing. I've never heard of that!
SHOPPER: If I do not have my ice tea every o'clock, do you know what happens?
PLECK: You get thirsty?
C-53: Is this what you were about to find out?
PLECK: Yeah.
SHOPPER: AAAH!
[shopper deflates]
PLECK: Oh, wow, she just deflated like a balloon.
AJ: Oh. Yeah.
CHURCH GOER 2: Goerlich, Goerlich, is it time for the noonday sermon about the view?
GOERLICH: Oh, it is! Come on in.
CHURCH GOER 2: Oh thank you!
PLECK: You give a sermon from inside the convenience store?
GOERLICH: Yes, we have several devotees who come in every day at around noon.
CHURCH GOER 3: It's time for the view!
CHURCH GOER 4: I'm just going to crouch near the first aid section.
CHURCH GOER 5: I heard this was worth going to see.
CHURCH GOER 6: I like that she gives her opinion about the view.
CHURCH GOER 3: Yeah, I don't like being hassle-backed, but I- I think her sermons bring me a lot of joy, Bayhar.
CHURCH GOER 4: She's the Sherry Shepherd of the flock.
CHURCH GOER 7: During the sermon of the view, she gets rid of all the evil inside of you. There's evil inside of me today. I can't help myself. I'm going to go crazy.
GOERLICH: All right, there, calm down.
PLECK: Does this guy always- has this guy come here before?
GOERLICH: Oh, every day he's here.
PLECK: He's here every day?
GOERLICH: Every day he says he's going to go crazy, and he's fine.
CHURCH GOER 7: There's evil inside of me.
PLECK: It sounds like maybe he is crazy.
C-53: Doesn’t seem like he’s fine.
GOERLICH: No, he just needs a little more Rodd in his spirit. Disciples, it is so lovely to see you. The word of Rodd is-
SHOPPER 2: Hi, do you sell film?
GOERLICH: Oh, yeah, just a quick little moment.
SHOPPER 2: Cause like- I need some 800 HoloFilm?
GOERLICH: Oh,we do. Here we go. That is 16 kroon.
SHOPPER 2: Yeah, no problem.
GOERLICH: Disciples, there are things in our life that we find.
SHOPPER 3: I’m sorry- do you have any zuzus?
GOERLICH: Oh, zuzus, you can find them in the back, top back-
SHOPPER 3: No I already checked. Somebody ate them all.
GOERLICH: I had just fully stocked them. How could someone have eaten- eaten all the zuzus? DAR: Urk, uhh uhm. I don't know.
C-53: Dar, do you got uh. Got a zuzu laying around?
DAR: Maybe we should check Pleck’s pockets.
PLECK: I don't have- I don’t have any zuzus.
C-53: Dar, you’ve got a lot of Zuzu’s on the left side of your mouth.
DAR: Uhh, you've got a lot of Zuzu’s on the left side of your mouth.
C-53: Dar, I don't have a mouth, so that’s..
CHURCH GOER 4: So far this sermon is experimental.
GOERLICH: Disciples, there are things in our life that we find to be an obstacle. Am I right, Disciples?
CHURCH GOER 7: Do you know the side of you that wakes you up every morning is like, "Join the wack side."
GOERLICH: Yes, that. But if you have the Lord Rodd in your heart, there's no mountain that you can't climb and get to the top of and see the view.
CHURCH GOER 4: So you said, with the help of Rodd, there ain't no mountain high enough? GOERLICH: Yeah, it's true. Yeah.
AJ: But is there a river wide enough?
[Dar begins choking]
AJ: Dar, are you alright?
PLECK: Dar, you don't have to throw up the candy. We'll just pay for it.
GOERLICH: Oh, my golly. Are you- she looks like she is choking.
PLECK: Oh, Dar-
GOERLICH: I can- I can help. I can help.
C-53: Dar, blink twice if you’re in trouble.
GOERLICH: Everyone stand back. She doesn't need medical attention. She needs Rodd.
C-53: O-okay, it just seems like she's not getting a lot of air.
GOERLICH: Okay, do you see this medallion around my neck? I need you, the robot one-
C-53: Yeah.
GOERLICH: I need you to take this medallion. All right.
C-53: Mhm.
GOERLICH: I want you to turn it clockwise twice, turn it counterclockwise once.
C-53: Okay.
GOERLICH: Great.
C-53: Also, contacting emergency services, I feel like that should be done.
GOERLICH: You-
AJ: Uhuh.
GOERLICH: -go to the back there, grab me several different flavors of sun chips.
AJ: You got it. Cool.
PLECK: What does that have to-
AJ: Harvest cheddar, harvest cheese!
GOERLICH: You, pink one.
PLECK: Yeah.
GOERLICH: I am going to connect to source energy. I'm going to connect to Rodd himself. PLECK: What, the Rodd? The Rodd?
GOERLICH: Just hold on one second, I'm going to give him a little call on this cell phone here.
PLECK: C-53, I think Dar's in real trouble.
C-53: I completely agree, I don't know that we have time for any of this.
[Rodd picks up Goerlich’s call]
GOERLICH: Rodd. Yeah. I need uhh your help. I have uhm a person choking in the middle of my store. I think so. Did you do it robot?
C-53: Yeah, yeah.
GOERLICH: All right.
RODD: [over the phone] I’m gonna turn mine.
GOERLICH: All right. How you been, by the way?
RODD: I'm so good. How's it been?
GOERLICH: You know, I'm good. I miss you.
RODD: I was thinking about you.
TIFFANY: Wait, who are you talking to? who’s on the phone.
GOERLICH: What?
RODD: I'm with Goerlich.
TIFFANY: Oh, can I say hi.
RODD: Sure. Tiffany says hi.
GOERLICH: Oh, Tiffany. Tell her that I am excited for her bridal shower.
RODD: Hold on one second.
GOERLICH: I cannot wait.
RODD: Hey, Goerlich says-
C-53: Pleck. All four of Dar’s hearts have stopped.
RODD: -she’s excited for your bridal shower.
PLECK: What?
TIFFANY: Oh, I'm excited for her to be there.
RODD: She’s excited for you to be there.
GOERLICH: Oh fantastic, alright I gotta go save this person's life now. Thanks, Rodd. Okay, so we are connected via medallions and you are saved.
[Dar gasps]
GOERLICH: Do you see that? It's spirit right there. That is a mixture of spirit and technology that saved your life.
PLECK: Oh my Rodd.
C-53: Dar, are you okay?
DAR: Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm fine. Wow.
GOERLICH: There's nothing you cannot overcome when you have Rodd in your heart. He's there to help you. He's also dating a wonderful woman named Tiffany, and they are.. they are the sweetest couple. I cannot wait to go to the bridal party. And that is what life is about.
C-53: Truly I'm really happy to hear that for Rodd.
GOERLICH: Mhm.
C-53: It's wonderful.
AJ: I got the chips.
DAR: Oh, I'll have some of those.
AJ: Okay.
C-53: You know, they fold light. That's how they make those chips.
AJ: Yeah, they're chips made of suns, right?
PLECK: Every bag's got at least five suns.
AJ: Yeah, it says it on the bag.
GOERLICH: So are you guys going to pay for all these snacks?
PLECK: Yes.
AJ: Oh, yeah, yeah.
C-53: I'm sorry.
DAR: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
AJ: [under his breath] Is this different from harvest cheddar? Whoa, Goerlich.
GOERLICH: Mm-hmm.
AJ: Look at this.
GOERLICH: There you go.
AJ: Papa, we're on the top of the mountain.
PLECK: What?
GOERLICH: Look, look out the windows of the convenience store.
C-53: We've been moving this whole time. Pleck, take a look.
PLECK: Whoa.
AJ: Papa, you thought that we weren't moving the whole time, and we were moving. And you know what that means?
PLECK: Uh, the journey is the-
AJ: You're a dumbass is what I'm saying.
PLECK: What?
AJ: You didn't know that we were moving. You're a dumbass. We've been moving this entire time, and you didn't think we were.
PLECK: I didn't think we were- I didn't- I-
AJ: But do you just see the lesson? You're a dumbass is what I'm saying.
PLECK: I don't think- I think the lesson is that the journey is the destination.
AJ: ..Okay. It's kind of a 50/50 split.
GOERLICH: Everyone, just look at this view. Tell me what you feel in your heart of hearts.
CHURCH GOER 7: I feel- Like there's something inside of me, like Rodd is speaking to me. Rodd is telling me to do things. Rodd is saying, "Get rid of the pink one who craps in the bathroom."
PLECK: Oh, no.
CHURCH GOER 7: Get rid of them. Get rid of them. I have to do it. I need to do it. Rodd told me-
GOERLCH: No, no.
CHURCH GOER 7: Rodd told me he'd do it, and then we'd hang out. We'd hang out.
PLECK: Okay, everyone, everybody calm down. I've got this. I'm a Zima warrior. Hey, listen, buddy. I don't know who you think you are, but me and my noob are going to take you out.
AJ: I'm AJ.
PLECK: Get ready to meet my dinglehopper.
CHURCH GOER 7: What?
PLECK: It's what it's called.
CHURCH GOER 7: It’s a stick? I am a god.
CHURCH GOER 5: Watch out, he’s got a blaster!
[everything is in slow motion]
CHURCH GOER 7: Not in the name of Rodd.
GOERLICH: No! Oh. Ohhh. Oh, I'm hit.
AJ: I'm taking them out.
[screaming]
[everything goes back to normal]
C-53: Goerlich, you saved all of us.
PLECK: Goerlich did exactly the same thing that 789 did. She jumped horizontally in front of all of us and absorbed all of those shots.
AJ: She really 789'd this one, right?
PLECK: Don't verb that, AJ.
GOERLICH: I could not have your blood be on my hands and in this convenience store.
C-53: Goerlich, we barely know you. You're so kind to sacrifice yourself.
GOERLICH: I just- [gasping] everything's going black.
AJ: Is that bad? Do you guys think that's bad, that it's going black?
PLECK: That's very bad, AJ.
C-53: AJ.
GOERLICH: Just know that I did it for you, but I also did it for me. All I've ever wanted to do was be of service, whether it was selling people taquitos that have been grilling all afternoon-
CHURCH GOER: So savory.
GOERLICH: -or giving them, you know, hope for a spiritual connection.
C-53: Two equally important things.
PLECK: You did it. You did it. You brought so much hope and inspiration to people.
AJ: Taquitos.
PLECK: And taquitos.
DAR: These taquitos are delicious.
AJ: Dar, is just-
PLECK: just stop eating for just a second.
C-53: Stop eating, 'cause-
GOERLICH: Cause there'll be no one there to restock- just.
DAR: I'm sorry. Are you all shaming me for being hungry?
AJ: No, no no no.
PLECK: No. Dar, she is-
C-53: No Dar, it’s not- it’s a sensitive moment-
PLECK: Goerlich is dying right now.
C-53: Goerlich is dying right now.
PLECK: Goerlich.
GOERLICH: I've given the ultimate sacrifice, my life.
C-53: Truly, Goerlich, Rodd shines through you.
GOERLICH: Oh, thank you. Rodd, please. Rodd bless you. You guys do one thing for me.
C-53: Absolutely.
PLECK: Anything.
GOERLICH: You take this cell phone, and will you call Rodd?
PLECK: Right now?
GOERLICH: Yes, please.
PLECK: Of course. Oh, there's actually three Rodd’s in your contacts? Which one- which one is it?
GOERLICH: Oh, do the one with two D’s.
PLECK: Okay.
GOERLICH: I bet you didn't know Rodd had two D’s.
C-53: No, we actually didn't.
AJ: Y’know-
PLECK: We didn't know that.
AJ: We did not know that.
C-53: No one's ever asked.
GOERLICH: It has two Ds.
[phone dialing]
[Goerlich sighs]
[phone ringing]
RODD’S VOICEMAIL: Hey, you’ve reached Rodd and Tiffany.
PLECK: Oh no, It's gone to voicemail.
RODD’S VOICEMAIL: We're out on a sweet, sweet, sweet, hot, hot, hot date.
C-53: Goerlich we're so sorry.
GOERLICH: That's okay.
TIFFANY ON VOICEMAIL: But hey, before you leave a message on our beep, because we're using ‘our’ terms now. We've progressed in our relationship. Listen to a little ditty.
PLECK: Oh, they're going to sing a song, I'm just going to hang up.
GOERLICH: No, no, this is what I wanted to hear, the song.
TIFFANY ON VOICEMAIL: All right, Rodd, you go first.
RODD ON VOICEMAIL: Rodd, Rodd, Rodd, Rodd loves Tiff.
TIFFANY ON VOICEMAIL: T-t-t-t-t-tiff loves Rodd.
RODD ON VOICEMAIL: Together we are.
TIFFANY ON VOICEMAIL: T-t-t-t-together we are love. T-t-t-t-together we are love. T-t-t-t-together we are love. T-t-t-t-together we are love.
RODD ON VOICEMAIL: We are love, we are love, we are love, and hard set.
[voicemail beeps]
PLECK: This is their- wait, this-
GOERLICH: And then it ends abruptly.
PLECK: This is their outgoing voicemail?
GOERLICH: This is their outgoing voicemail.
C-53: The most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
GOERLICH: Filled with the spirit of love. Now I can die happy because I know Rodd and Tiff are cool. Oh.
PLECK: Oh.
AJ: Well, I- Her last words were, Rodd and Tiff are cool. I didn't think that would have been it. C-53: Oh.
AJ: Robot man, Papa, Dar, look at the tattoo I see on that crazy guy who I just shot a bunch. It's an assassin's guild.
C-53: He's been hiding here the whole time. Somehow he knew we were coming here.
PLECK: He just waited around for us to show up?
[Goerlich gasps]
PLECK: Ah Goerlich!
GOERLICH: If you- I- you just walk a few more yards, you'll see the view. Oh.
PLECK: Oh. All right. Thank you for-
C-53: Even with her last breath, she was helpful and informative.
AJ: Her last- It was a recommendation with her last breath.
C-53: Why don't we take a look at the view?
[they exit the shop]
PLECK: Wow.
C-53: Wow. You know?
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: She’s not wrong.
PLECK: That's a good view.
DAR: It's pretty nice.
C-53: Yeah, it's one of the best.
PLECK: You know, the journey was the destination, but the destination was pretty good, too.
[RV beeping]
TOURIST: You're stepping on my 26 inch RV.
PLECK: Oh, no.
C-53: Jeez, sorry.
PLECK: I am so sorry.
C-53: Yeah you really-
AJ: It's a tiny RV.
TOURIST: You're stepping right on my RV.
PLECK: I'm so sorry.
C-53: Sorry you really- got under foot there.
TOURIST: It’s okay. It's quite the view.
PLECK: It really is.
C-53: It sure is.
PLECK: It really is.
[Pleck pulls out snacks]
DAR: I knew it!
PLECK: Hey!
[ad break begins]
CLARISSA: Hey. Hey, can you hear me? It's me, Clarissa. I'm inside Kevin the Blob, but I have something super important to explain. There are more than 30 gyms in here, but the gym I manage has the most amazing website of them all because I built it using Wix. More than 150 million people use Wix for their website. I don't have to explain it to them at all. But if you're not using Wix, here's the deal. You can start and publish for free. Choose from over 500 stunning templates and change, customize, or add anything you want. My gym site is so wicked awesome with sick design features and built-in apps. And every Wix website is optimized for any device. I don't know how the other gyms make their sites, but they're honestly like, meh. I'm not judging. I'm just explaining. Anyway, here's what you should do. Build a Wix website of your own today for free. And if you go to Wix.com and use the coupon code ZYXX, you'll get 10% off any premium plan, which gives you more storage, a free domain for a year, and much more. That's W-I-X.com with offer code Z-Y-X-X. Sometimes words that sound the same are spelled differently. Wix.com, code ZYXX for 10% off any premium plan. Creation without limits. Unless you're in a blob, in which case the blob edge is the limit. Wow, I just thought of that
[ad break ends]
OTHER SHIP: Are you the Bargarean Jade? Are you the Bargarean Jade?
PLECK: Bargie, what is that noise?
BARGIE: It's another ship.
PLECK: Wait, is that- is that a process server?
BARGIE: That's okay, I have another voice I can use.
PLECK: No, but if you say yes, will it serve you papers?
BARGIE: Don't worry about it. They're not going to serve me papers.
PLECK: Uh, okay.
OTHER SHIP: Say your name.
BARGIE AS EMPEROR NERMUT BUNDALOY: Nermut Bundaloy, the Emperor, but also a ship, because I'm doing that now.
C-53: Bargie, I don't know if this is going to work.
BARGIE AS EMPEROR NERMUT BUNDALOY: Toot-toot-toot!
PLECK: Yeah, that's... it is very good.
C-53: It is very... It's an excellent impression.
OTHER SHIP: What is your purpose? Say your purpose.
BARGIE AS EMPEROR NERMUT BUNDALOY: Uh, ship of Emperors, why don't you find your purpose?
OTHER SHIP: I've never thought of that before. Thank you, thank you, Emperor and ship. BARGIE AS EMPEROR NERMUT BUNDALOY: That's it, yeah, not Bargie.
OTHER SHIP: I will now return back to the Planet Crusher Crusher and let Emperor Nermut Bundaloy know.
BARGIE AS EMPEROR NERMUT BUNDALOY: That's the ticket. Go now.
OTHER SHIP: Goodbye.
BARGIE: Alright, that was great. Good job, everybody.
PLECK: That was an uncanny impression.
C-53: That was honestly very eerie.
PLECK: Oh my Rodd. I can't believe that worked.
C-53: Uh, Pleck, Pleck, if you could be a little more conscious about taking Rodd's name in vain. PLECK: Uh, yeah- yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
C-53: Just, we watched a miracle.
PLECK: Yeah, that’s true. It's true.
C-53: Just show a little more respect for Rodd.
PLECK: When she- when she was dying on the floor of that convenience store, where was her Rodd then? Where was her Rodd then?
C-53: Comforting her through song.
PLECK: It was his outgoing voicemail message.
AJ: Uh, date night, wasn't he?
PLECK: Yeah, he was on a date with Tiffany.
C-53: Rodd works in mysterious ways, Pleck, okay. It's not for us to know Rodd's will.
PLECK: Man, you really came all the way back around in that C-53.
[incoming transmission beeps]
C-53: Papa Decksetter, I have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy.
PLECK: Okay. Hey, Nermut.
NERMUT: Oh, hey guys.
C-53: Well, Nermut-
NERMUT: Yeah.
C-53: -we can say that we saw the view and honestly?
NERMUT: Yeah?
C-53: it was amazing.
PLECK: It was good.
NERMUT: It was worth it.
C-53: Yeah.
NERMUT: You guys chilled?
PLECK: Uhh.
C-53: Uh, I don't know that I'm relaxed.
NERMUT: Okay.
AJ: Dar ate a bunch of taquitos.
NERMUT: Wow.
C-53: How are those taquitos setting, Dar?
DAR: You know, I’ve felt better.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: Yeah. Nermut, what's all that smoke in the room?
NERMUT: Oh, I'm just doing like a cleanse where I'm just burning these pine branches and getting- getting the steam.
PLECK: Nermut, I don't think smoke inhalation is a great cleanse.
NERMUT: It doesn't feel good yet. I don't know if I'm doing it right. I'm it’s- trying to-
PLECK: Nermut, Nermut I gotta say-
NERMUT: Yeah.
PLECK: You are too impressionable.
NERMUT: I'm trying...
PLECK: You just put yourself in these situations and you get carried away and it's...
NERMUT: Ohh.
C-53: Nermut, you have a need to please, but it makes you vulnerable.
NERMUT: I know- I just... I want these Zimas to like me.
C-53: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
NERMUT: I just want to... I want to be me and be cool and it feels like those things are not the same thing.
PLECK: Uh, yeah, they're not.
KIARONDA: Nermut, this constant worrying about how cool you are-
NERMUT: Yeah.
KIARONDO: -is extremely uncool.
NERMUT: Ah, darn it.
KIARONDO: Nermut, do yourself a favor. Have a cigarillio.
PLECK: No, Nermut, you don't have to do that.
PELL: Or, you can be like me and smoke a clove.
PLECK: Oh, much worse.
C-RED-IT5: This is C-RED-IT5, credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol. Papa Pleck Decksetter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargie the Ship, Tiffany and the Zealous Assassin were played by Moujan Zolfaghari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy and Rodd were played by Seth Lind. AJ was played by Winston Noel. Goerlich was played by special guest Monique Moses. Monique is a Canadian-born Brooklyn-based actor, writer and comedian. TV credits include Deezus and Mira, Broad City, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee and digital shows for IFC's Comedy Crib and Comedy Central. She performs every Saturday night in NYC with Earwolf at UCB Subculture. And you can follow her on all social medias @NatellaCartel. This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Bronze Studios in Brooklyn, New York. Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Fames Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for The Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.
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