Happy Outtakesgiving!
Alden, Seth and Shane present a veritable karnucopia of deleted scenes, outakes, and unmixed clips - funny stuff we cut for time, crazy stuff we cut because it’d mess up canon, and clips the way only Shane has heard them.
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[intro music]
ALDEN: Hey everybody, Alden Ford here from Mission to Zyxx with a couple of guests, Seth and Shane.
SETH: Hello.
SHANE: Hello.
ALDEN: We have a festive holiday release for you. It's been a few weeks since you've heard our voices and that's probably healed you on some level psychically, but we're back.
SETH: Yeah, this is the first of our off-season monthly releases.
ALDEN: Yeah! We hope you're enjoying this holiday week, if it's a holiday for you.
SETH: It is a Zyxx holiday because November 25th is Shane's birthday.
ALDEN: Yeah, that's what I mean.
SETH: That's the holiday we're talking about, right?
ALDEN: Yeah, absolutely.
SHANE: I assume so.
SETH: Are you going to the casino like normal?
SHANE: Yeah, we're going to Vegas.
ALDEN: [laughing] Cool!
SHANE: A big deal.
ALDEN: Well, you know, we thought we'd do something a little bit different this month for your off-season release, which is that a lot of listeners often reach out to ask us how the show is made, ask us about what kinds of scenes are on the cutting room floor, what kinds of things don't make it into episodes. And while we like to add a little outtake at the end of every episode to give you just a little glimpse of what the show sounds like when it's not edited or mixed.
SETH: Which was Shane's idea.
ALDEN: Which was Shane's idea, actually.
SETH: And it's such a fun part of the show.
SHANE: Yeah, no, I vividly remember thinking of the idea and then it was like super early on in me even knowing you all and I had just offered to test mix the first one. And I was like, am I allowed to talk? Am I like, is it cool if I, like, because I have this idea and I like really want to say it, but.
ALDEN: It was a brilliant idea. I think we can all agree.
SHANE: Oh, thank you.
SETH: Yeah. And if we didn't answer that, actually, you are, you're completely allowed to talk.
SHANE: Oh, great. Cool.
ALDEN: Let this be us just publicly saying for the first time, Shane, you're allowed to talk.
SETH: Right. And any previous speaking was unauthorized.
ALDEN: Yeah.
SHANE: Oh, no, I still have those firmly worded emails you all sent.
ALDEN: Those cease and desist texts we see- So we actually have amassed a number of longer scenes that for whatever reason didn't make it into the episode. Sometimes they established canon we decided wasn't worth keeping in the show. Sometimes they were just long scenes in a longer episode that we felt had to be trimmed down for time.
SETH: Sometimes they were too funny. And we were like, this makes us look bad in other scenes.
ALDEN: Yeah. Sometimes I was like, it's too obvious how smart I am as Alden in this scene. I need to pare it back.
SETH: Right. A lot of the scenes feature a character named Alden.
ALDEN: Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I've forgotten my character's name.
SETH: And the reason it's the three of us in this episode, by the way, is that Alden and I edit most of the episodes and Shane, of course, mixes and sound designs them. We're sort of like the post-production team. Jeremy Bent also sometimes edits, but-
ALDEN: It should also be mentioned, we invited the other four and they were not interested.
SHANE: Yeah, they had that previously scheduled Zoom meeting that suspiciously did not include us.
ALDEN: Yeah. I don't know what they're going to release this week, but it's probably going to be pretty cool.
SETH: It's going to be amazing.
ALDEN: But yeah, so by way of sort of showing you what the show sounds like when it is not mixed, as well as giving you an insight into some sort of story points and character stuff that never made it in, we gathered a few clips for you and we're going to play them mostly unedited but definitely unmixed. And they're near and dear to our hearts.
SETH: It's true. And this first one is a little bit different.
ALDEN: Yeah.
SETH: It was actually in the episode very much like this. And this is one that Shane, you picked out, right? I wanted to show an example of what it's like when I get the sessions. And there's a lot of narration that happens, particularly in scenes that have a lot of action. And it's a view of the show that nobody else really gets to have. And it's always like a little tiny dagger in my heart when I have to end up muting these like narration bits because I genuinely love them. So one from this season is from the opening of 419 where Karm gets absolutely obliterated.
[transition, all audio is unmixed and unedited]
QUARIEL: Put your head down, Karm.
KARM: Quariel, protect me!
QUARIEL: I'm doing my best, Karm. Through the light of Rodos shall we see it through.
KARM: Quariel, my most trusted friend, if for some reason I don't survive, you must not let the relic fall into the wrong hands.
QUARIEL: Karm, hear me now. As strong as my belief in Rodos the Sunlighter, I shall not let you perish. It is my-
WINSTON: Arrows, arrows, arrows, arrows!
QUARIEL: [angry] No! Karm! No!
WINSTON: More arrows.
QUARIEL: A second barrage! Why?
MOUJAN: Tinier arrows, really tiny arrows.
QUARIEL: What are these? These are too small to be arrows.
KARM: Darts!
QUARIEL: What is the purpose of these?
SETH: Like a ballista shaft just cuts him in half.
QUARIEL: [shouting] Oh, come on! Had you not done enough, you monsters!
KARM: Quariel! Quariel!
QUARIEL: I have failed you.
KARM: [weakly] No, never, Quariel. This burden, you must take it.
QUARIEL: No, Karm, I cannot. Karm, you are the chosen one, destined to bear the legume.
KARM: Not anymore. I was chosen to take it this far, and now you must-
WINSTON: Arrow in his mouth.
QUARIEL: We were having a conversation!
KARM: [rasping] It went right in the back of my throat!
QUARIEL: By Rodos!
KARM: Quariel, hear me. The legume must be returned.
QUARIEL: Yes, but take it where? To the-
MOUJAN: He gets set on fire.
KARM: [screaming]
QUARIEL: All right, all right!
[transition]
SHANE: I will say that as somebody who isn't really a fantasy fan, or like medieval stuff knowing person, I didn’t know what a ballista shaft was? And I didn’t even totally understand what you were saying, like when I was first listening to it, so I just put like another arrow sound and I remember one of the feedback notes I got in-after my first pass, was like “Oh, can you make it sound like a ballista shaft?” and I was like “oh that’s a thing?”
ALDEN: The fuck is a ballista shaft, NERD?
SETH: For anyone who doesn’t know, a ballista is a crossbow the size of a cannon.
ALDEN: Cool.
SETH: Or bigger.
ALDEN: Yeah, yeah. It’s a crossbow that you would kill a dragon with, for example.
SETH: Yeah, or knock down a wall with.
ALDEN: [laughing] Yeah, ‘cause dragons aren’t real. Uh. But ballistas are, so you’re right.
SETH: They are, you can-google ballista, and you’ll come up with weird people who make-
ALDEN: No, I know ballistas are real, I’m saying dragons aren’t real.
SETH: You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself dragons aren’t real.
ALDEN: [unconvincingly] I know this! I know it for a fact, that they’re not.
SETH: Just so you know, behind Alden is fourteen paintings of dragons that he refers to as “photos.” Um, I don’t know if many people have talked about this, but I feel like the other crazy thing about that scene is that it maps on top of the intro to 401 and the first words of “oh, there’s another one.”
ALDEN: The first line is… is Pleck’s first line in 401.
SETH: And the little creature, the little woodland creature, uh…
ALDEN: Makes an appearance.
SETH: Squirrel is in both, so go back and listen to the beginning of 401 and then 419.
ALDEN: And the music is the same!
SHANE: The music is the same, just remixed.
ALDEN: Shane repurposed, or, rerecorded all the music with different instruments.
SETH: Which just shows, like, the amount of effort we’re willing to put into something that literally no one will notice. [laughs]
ALDEN: Yeah. Alright. Sticking in our late season 4 episodes, this is a deleted scene from one of our favorite episodes of the season, which is 417: The Daming of the Crew. The time travel episode that Winston and Jeremy didn’t want to do. I think they both got on board by the end! Maybe… they both got on board by a week after we released the episode.
SETH: Yeah, once it was out.
SHANE: I remember Winston said that sweet thing in the groupme right after we recorded it, like “I thought we should never do this but it was so great and you guys were right.’
ALDEN: Yeah, that was really nice. I actually printed that out, you can see it between my two dragon photos.
SETH: Two?
ALDEN: Well, between two OF my dragon photos. So, yeah, this one is actually a scene that was cut not just for time, primarily it was cut because it sorta made the premise a little shaky.
SETH: Which never… we never allow a shaky premise.
SHANE: No, no, no, no.
ALDEN: I guess I should say we cut it because it actually, it sort of created a plot hole in the time travel thing. As you all know, if you've listened to 417, without this scene, the logic is airtight and completely unpredictable.
SETH: Don't even think about it.
ALDEN: Don't even think about it. Yeah. In the final version of the episode, once Dar travels back in time to keep themselves from firing Pleck, that's the timeline we stay in.
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: But originally we went back five minutes to the future to the present prime. And this is a scene that explains what happened in those five minutes.
[transition]
C-53: Am I crazy or are they really vibing right now?
DAR: Am I crazy, but are we really vibing right now?
PAST DAR: We are really vibing right now.
PLECK: Okay.
C-53: All right, AJ, I'm going to take you out of here.
AJ: [screaming] What are the rules of this?
ALDEN: So if we go back to this, do the two Dars stay in the past, but then they'd both be there because it was only five minutes…
JEREMY: [laughing] Just catch up with time?
ALLIE: Yeah, this will catch up with time. And then there's two Dars.
MOUJAN: There's three Dars?
SETH: No.
ALDEN: I think there's, no, there would only be two.
JEREMY: If we didn't take them with us. Yeah. Yeah.
ALDEN: Uh, okay.
PLECK: [shouting] We left Dar in that memory. We have to go back.
C-53: Well, it was just five minutes ago. They should still just be around.
PLECK: Oh, uh, hey Dar. Hey Dar.
DAR: Hi.
PAST DAR: Sup.
C-53: Okay. So there's just two Dar's now.
DAME: Yes.
C-53: They're five and they're five minutes apart from each other, but they're, they've been scooched up to the same time.
NERMUT: They're both glowing.
PLECK: Where, what have you guys been doing for the last five minutes?
DAR: I mean, we've just been..
PAST DAR: I mean, yeah, we're just..
DAR: I- no, please you go right ahead.
PAST DAR: No, really. If you want to tell them.
DAR: I mean, I'm, I don't, I don't care.
PLECK: Guys I think we know, I think it's pretty obvious.
C-53: They just have such a natural connection.
AJ: [upset] So what happens when they juck in time?
PLECK: You got to stay outside.
AJ: What is the rule now?
PLECK: You got to stay outside.
AJ: Do they have a time baby? What happens? What happens?!
ALLIE: Real quick pitch. One of the Dars, one of the Dars does start to question time and then starts bleeding from the nose and their head explodes.
MOUJAN: Oh no! Yayyyy!
ALDEN: I think we need to, we do need to get rid of one of them.
SETH: We can also have two Dars and a Horsehat on the ship from now on of course.
ALLIE: Psycho.
JEREMY: [I-told-you-so-voice] Why would you do that? See, this is exactly why I was like, we don't do a time travel episode. It's 100% playing out exactly as I said it would.
[transition]
ALDEN: Yeah, what the outtake of 417 doesn't communicate properly is how not on board Jeremy was for the premise of the episode either.
SETH: That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Listening to that, I remember editing it and just like there are bits of that that are in and I had to lift out all the parts about coming back five minutes and just keep the rest which was like all these funny parts. That's a lot of what the editing is, is like choosing the logic that we're sticking with and cutting everything that contradicts it and trying to keep it make sense and be funny.
SHANE: And I think the real like secret weapon to Zyxx is the fact that the people who edit the show are in the scenes as well. Like that's the real rare thing I feel like about our show is that you two and Jeremy edit it. So you have this instinctual and very deep knowledge of like what was funny about the scene and like how to draw it out in ways to get more subtle moments to like hit right.
ALDEN: That gives us a lot of credit.
SETH: Well, but I do want to point out that Alden mentioned in that outtake, like, well, we do have to get rid of one of the Dars. And this led to Shane pitching what was probably the most crazy and coolest idea of the season, which was the time loop to go back to Flerp and have Dars die and replace themselves.
SHANE: I had no expectation that it would even be considered much less used. And I was just sort of listening along like noodling on a guitar or something with myself muted and I was like, this idea just popped in my head and I was like, not going to get used, just going to say it.
ALDEN: Joke's on you, buddy.
SETH: Joke's on you.
ALDEN: It was rad. While we're on the subject of 417, this is a smaller and much less important scene that I'll play for you. But I thought it was funny.
[transition]
DAR: [dramatic] We've got to go back to the future.
AJ: [screaming] What? What? What does that even mean?
DAR: Well, we're in a memory of memories, so we need to go back to what?
C-53: Well, what you want to go back to is the present.
DAR: Correct.
AJ: [upset] But don't say back is what I'm saying. Don't say back. Just say we have to go to the future. Why are we saying back?
PLECK: We have to return to the present.
C-53: Well, but from our perspective, I guess Dar’s right. It is technically the future.
PLECK: No, from our perspective-
AJ: Just don’t say back! That's all I'm saying.
PLECK: -because we're from the present.
C-53: Well, which here in the past is the future.
DAR: Is the future. We're like paper. We're the future.
PLECK: Why would we use the reference point of now, which is not our time?
KID: Mom, mom, I took a picture of this tree, but look, five idiots are slowly fading into view in the photo.
PLECK: We got to go. We got to get out of here.
C-53: We got to go.
[transition]
ALDEN: Good stuff. Seth.
SETH: Now, folks, before we move on, I think it's time for an ad break.
[Seth plays an easy listening piece of music]
ALDEN: Ooh!
SETH: [reading] And normally all of our ads are in character, of course. But since this is a behind the scenes thing, this is going to be a legit host read podcast ad. So support for Mission to Zyxx comes from Green Chef, which is a USDA certified organic company that makes eating well, easy and affordable with plans, including recipes for paleo, keto and plant powered diets to fit any kind of lifestyle. With Green Chef, it's easy to eat well and discover new recipes every week that everyone will enjoy. Ingredients are seasonally sourced for peak freshness and delivered to your doorstep. Let Green Chef do the meal planning, grocery shopping and most of the prep for you week after week.
SHANE: Did they send any, you know, examples over to us? Can I get some of those?
SETH: They did ask who they should be sent to. And I said me and Alden. [laughing]
SHANE: Oh, cool. Thanks.
ALDEN: [laughter] Sorry, Shane.
SHANE: Ever since, you know, we had that HelloFresh ad, I've been wondering maybe I should try this out. Is this similar to HelloFresh?
SETH: Actually, I'm glad you asked because Green Chef is actually now owned by HelloFresh, a former sponsor of Mission to Zyxx. They're owned by HelloFresh to offer a wider array of meal plans to choose from. There's something for everyone.
SHANE: But not me, apparently.
ALDEN: Well, no, I mean, not… anecdotally, no.
SETH: Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, I am currently using HelloFresh.
ALDEN: Oh, really?
SETH: Yeah. I just moved. We have a one year old kid and cooking is proving challenging and we're doing like all HelloFresh all the time. It's kind of saving us right now. The Green Chef box that Alden and I are getting that Shane is not getting has not arrived yet, but it's coming soon. I'm excited for some honey citrus glazed salmon. Doesn't that sound good? Are you getting that one, Alden?
SHANE: I'm looking at the Memphis style meatballs right now-
SETH: You don’t get any!
SHANE: -and I probably would have been the one I would have chosen if I was allowed to.
ALDEN: Yeah. But you weren't. You weren't and you're not.
SHANE: Rude.
SETH: Well, Shane, I have really good news for you because we have a discount code you can use.
SHANE: Oh. Well, how much does it take off?
ALDEN: Actually, we'd prefer that you don't use the discount code just so that our listeners... Just to make sure there's plenty of discount codes for the listeners.
SHANE: Okay. Well, I'm going to use the Flophouse's discount code then.
ALDEN: Oh no! No! No
SETH:. No. No. Don’t do that! For everyone except Shane, you can go to greenchef.com/Zyxx90. And the reason it's Zyxx90 is because when you use the code Zyxx90, you get $90 off.
ALDEN: What?
SETH: Including free shipping.
ALDEN: Whoa.
SETH: That's greenchef.com/Zyxx90. If your name is Shane, the code does not work. The code is Zyxx90. You get...
SHANE: Hello? Did you guys literally just mute yourselves right now? That's how much you don't want me to know.
ALDEN: He can't hear us. Don't tell him, please.
SETH: I'm actually boggled by that. $90 off. That's not to compare sponsors, but that might be the best offer we've had in an ad.
ALDEN: Yep.
SETH: Greenchef.com/Zyxx90 and use code Zyxx90. Get the salmon, get the meatballs, and then tweet at Shane to say how good it is.
ALDEN: All right. Let's unmute ourselves and get back to the clips.
SETH: Okay.
ALDEN: Hey, Shane.
SETH: Don't worry, Shane.
SHANE: Hey, guys. I'm hungry.
ALDEN: Oh, man. Not us.
SETH: Not us. No.
SHANE: Please pass on-
ALDEN: Do not-
SHANE: No, don't listen to Alden.
ALDEN: -send him the code.
SHANE: Pass on the offer code. I want these meatballs.
SETH: So this next one is from an episode with a returning and beloved guest, Jordan Carlos. He's so fun to improvise with because he's one of those people that just accepts the, like, ideas immediately and adds to them just like so fast.
ALDEN: Well, also, I would say in the relatively small number of guests that we have whose character is just wildly different than they actually are, and it's just locked into it immediately. Like as soon as we roll, he's just so intense and he just goes with everything. And yeah, it's amazing.
SETH: And so this clip is not... I don't know that it would have changed canon much at all, but this is just an opportunity to play a bunch of like unedited Jordan as IQQ insanity for you all.
[transition]
C-53: Prefect Intellius, we are so sorry about what happened. I myself was under the effects of a restraining bolt at the time. My mind wasn't really my own.
IQQ: Can I say something now? Can I say something now? Can I say something now?
C-53: Of course.
IQQ: You know what? It's not even worth talking. Save your breath.
C-53: Okay.
IQQ: Come see the new house that I've constructed. I want y'all to come over tonight for dinner. My wife, Cheryl Ann.
PLECK: You have a wife?
IQQ: I have a wife. I have small children. I have much. I have ruminants running around my property. We're going to sit around.
C-53: Is this your dog?
DOG: [speaking normally] Bark, bark, bark.
IQQ: Yeah, this is my dog. Nothing sexual.
DOG: Bark.
PLECK: I mean, that’s good-
C-53: Oh, thank God. Thank Rodd.
IQQ: This is my dog. Nothing sexual. Hey, buddy. How you doing?
AJ: [confused] Wait, the dog's name is nothing sexual or what?
IQQ: That's his name. Nothing sexual. It's like the name of my crystalline boat. Nothing sexual.
C-53: It's just a good reminder, I guess.
IQQ: It's the kind of thing we have it all over the house and the fridge and the bathroom. Nothing sexual. Nothing sexual.
AJ: It sounds good to me. It doesn't sound like you're thinking about it if it's what the name is. You know what I mean? Nothing sexual is what the name is.
IQQ: Nothing at all sexual. My wife and I have two different beds. Can I ask you a question?
PLECK: Me?
IQQ: Are you still sexless and haven't found love?
PLECK: [awkwardly] Well, I...
IQQ: That's not a no.
PLECK: Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, so far I'm just keeping my options open.
SETH: No, no, no, nothing sexual.
JEREMY: [announcing] Taking his time.
PLECK: Yeah.
SETH: No, no, no, nothing sexual.
IQQ: So you lost...
JEREMY: Being responsible.
SETH: No, no, no, nothing sexual.
JEREMY: Good choice.
PLECK: Yeah. All right. Now that's an alarm I can get behind.
IQQ: So you lost an eye, but not your virginity.
PLECK: Yeah.
IQQ: That's quite a feat.
PLECK: Yeah. Thank you! I just was trying to save the day.
IQQ: Before that would have made me uncomfortable. You know, because I had to bring everybody down my level.
PLECK: Sure. Sure.
AJ: What was the level that he was at?
PLECK: AJ, we just...
C-53: AJ, I think a lot of this is just going to go over your head.
IQQ: Trafficking in flesh. But now...
C-53: Do you understand what that means, AJ?
AJ: I guess like it's like, okay, some of the flesh can come and then some has to stop. And then like rerouting the traffic.
PLECK: Not a traffic cop.
C-53: No. No.
IQQ: Have you ever seen Pinocchio?
AJ: What?
IQQ: I promised you a pleasure land. And then I turned you into a whore.
AJ: What?
PLECK: [laughing] That happened in Pinocchio?
IQQ: I- Well, the way it was told to me.
[transition]
ALDEN: I love that clip. But my other favorite thing about that episode is we decided earlier on that once IQQ got the sex gun back, he would revert to Uber IQQ and to all of his way...
SHANE: IQQ Prime.
ALDEN: IQQ Prime and revert to all of his hedonistic ways. And we approached that moment from a bunch of different angles. And the session No Joke has, I don't know, maybe 15 versions of that moment where he breaks down and becomes IQQ again. And he just goes crazy every time. Like Jordan just goes over the top so many times that we were all just busting up every single time he did it. It never got old. It was great.
SETH: The first time it happened, Alden, you were like, that's so funny. That cannot happen this soon.
ALDEN: Yeah. That was why we didn't do it the first time because it happened like four minutes into the episode.
SHANE: Yeah.
ALDEN: Yeah.
SETH: So, this next one is just a classic deleted scene. It was fun, but we just needed to like move it along. This was 402 where David Bluvband played the twins, Petey and Dean St. Vernakian. And this was a dinner at the Vernakians.
ALDEN: Tuck in!
[transition]
SETH: Your Highnesses, your Highnesses, dinner is served.
DEAN: Dinner is served. Petey, did you hear that? Dinner is served.
C-53: This is too much.
DAR: Isn't it weird that it's one o'clock?
AJ: Yeah. Also there's 700 places and there's only...
DAR: You can do it. How many of us are there? You can do it.
AJ: Five?
C-53: No, so close.
AJ: Six.
DAR: That was really good.
C-53: Yeah, it was six.
DAR: That was such a good effort.
DEAN: Let's all sit down to dinner.
PETEY: We just woke up, so it makes sense that we'd just be sitting down to dinner.
C-53: Okay, sure.
DAR: Okay, sure.
AJ: Wow. There are a lot of…
DAR: A lot of silverware. A lot of silverware.
MOUJAN: First course, soup of eel and zirconian pellets.
SETH: Second course, croutons.
AJ: We're not even… I didn't even get to...
DAR: Okay. Oh, they're taking away the soup.
DEAN: Thank you!
SETH: Moi!
DAR: Okay, bye.
MOUJAN: Third course.
DEAN: And moi to you.
C-53: You didn't even set down the croutons.
MOUJAN: Third course.
AJ: [disappointed] It didn't even touch the table.
MOUJAN: Heirloom pieces of the finest of vechapitals.
AJ: Just holding them in front of us.
PETEY: Thank you. That'll be all.
DAR: Okay. That was... So when they said dinner, they meant…
C-53: Sort of a show.
DEAN: Wow, that was delicious, wasn't it?
AJ: [aside] Hey, Mr. Robot Man, is this weird or fancy? What is this?
C-53: It's a little column A, a little column B, AJ.
AJ: Alright. Wow, thanks. Thanks for dinner.
DAR: Thank you for dinner.
SETH: How many bills?
DEAN: You can separate it. It's okay.
SETH: Oh, wow, okay. So just equally?
C-53: It's an itemized bill?
PLECK: Okay.
[transition]
SETH: Gotta love the bluv.
ALDEN: Oh, man. Gotta love the bluv. So a guest who has been in actually every season is John Robert Wilson as the grower mind of the K’hekk. And season four was no different. Small cameo in the debate scene in 420, but we had a lot more material from the ol’ grower mind than we used. And so here's an outtake.
ALDEN: Good. Great throw, Seth. Great throw.
SETH: Thank you. Thank you.
[transition]
K’HEKK: The droids will not be left after the grand assimilation.
HASTOOIE: [surprised] They're going to be assimilating droids now?
K’HEKK: Yes.
HASTOOIE: What?
K’HEKK: We've learned to take in droids and make them into royal cyber drones.
HASTOOIE: Oh no!
DROID K’HEKK: I am a weaver.
HASTOOIE: Oh no.
DROID K’HEKK: I am a weaver.
K’HEKK: We're still perfecting them. They still think they're weavers, but the genetic process is ongoing.
DROID K’HEKK: I am a weaver.
K’HEKK Going to kill this one now.
HASTOOIE: Oh, geez. This is pretty grim here.
[transition]
ALDEN: So, here's one. I'll toot your horn for you here, Seth. We got a couple of Seth specials coming up. This one is from way back. I mean, it truly feels like years ago. This is the opening scene from 401, where AJ and Nermut famously murdered our favorite ice beast, Dale.
SHANE: Maybe.
ALDEN: Poor Dale, you monsters. Or yeah, maybe.
SHANE: Shoots.
ALDEN: Yes, shoots. Yeah, Dale is still technically missing. We're not positive.
SETH: There were a lot of different pitches of how to get Dale into 420, and we just didn't pull it off.
ALDEN: I like to think he was there somewhere.
SHANE: He’s there.
SETH: Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. He's there.
ALDEN: But this is an extended scene between AJ and Nermut as they are fighting off the Corvian ice beast. I feel like without the extra sound design, it's just funny to hear a lot of your little interjections and stuff. So I like this one. Here we go.
[transition]
NERMUT: [frantic] AJ, I can't reach the pedal and the handlebars at the same time!
AJ: Okay, you just get down at the pedal. I'm going to stand completely up and shoot at them. Full height. Let's do it. Let's get full height, baby.
NERMUT: Okay, I'm on the accelerator.
AJ: I'm not crouching.
NERMUT: Explain how this steers.
AJ: [shouting] Yeah, I'm up! I'm all the way up!
NERMUT: What?
AJ: I'm shooting at them.
NERMUT: Against all odds, it's working.
AJ: Yeah, this is amazing. Hey, bro, you should try this!
NERMUT: [angry] I can't let go of the pedal.
AJ: Oh, right. You're small. Yeah.
NERMUT: No, someone has to push the pedal.
AJ: All right. Hold the steering wheel.
NERMUT: What?
AJ: Steer!
NERMUT: No, I can't even-
AJ: [excited] All right, going to lean back with a double gun execute. Let's do this!
NERMUT: [choked] Gahhh!
AJ: That was great. That was great. I think we got one. Now it's up to you. I want you to try one. Yes, I want you to fire this. Do it.
NERMUT: The kickback on this thing is going to... All right.
AJ: Do it!
NERMUT: [screaming] AHHHHHH!
AJ: Oh, yeah, you're right. Whoa. Whoa.
[transition]
ALDEN: That was the moment you killed Dale.
SHANE: Who ended up editing that one?
ALDEN: Seth edited that, right?
SETH: Yeah.
SHANE: What was the thinking behind choosing to not include double gun execute, but virtually everything else from that sentence? Because that's a cool thing to say.
ALDEN: Yeah, double gun execute is rad. What are you doing, Seth?
SETH: [mournful] I made a bad decision. It should’ve been in. I've regretted it every day, cutting that line.
ALDEN: That's a good example of something where I'm glad that you and Winston are so good at not only coming up with funny stuff for each of you to do, but coming up with funny stuff that the two of you would do while riding one speeder. Like Nermut has to press the accelerator so AJ can stand up and turn around and you wouldn't be able as a lird to like steer and press the accelerator at the same time. That's such a fun thing that you could never get through sound design. Like it has to be something that the characters describe.
SETH: Right.
ALDEN: I love that.
SETH: One of the funny things about performing this show is you often end up over describing things just because it's audio, like saying things you would never say. And we sometimes call it out where it's like, we can all see. We all know that.
ALDEN: We're all looking at it.
SETH: We're all looking at it too, but the only way for the listener to know is somebody like, whoa, it just doubled in size! We know!
ALDEN: Yeah. Well, another very, very great Seth scene is, this is another scene that we sort of did twice. This is all the way back to season three, episode one, where Nermut as Bermut Nundaloy has separated from the crew-
SETH: Different characters.
ALDEN: -has separated from the crew and has taken on a residence at a local music venue slash dive bar. And this was one of the passes at the scene that we did. This is the first time we did this scene. And I think we ended up having to redo it because Jeremy is so aggressive as a random character that despises Bermut Nundaloy in this scene. But I think it's very, very funny. But yeah.
[transition]
BERMUT: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for gathering around. Thank you for coming out. It's a pleasure. It's always an honor.
WINSTON: Play Dependent’s Day!
[clip pauses, Alden makes a quick addition]
ALDEN: Oh, that's the other reason we re-recorded is because in this version, there were too many people in the bar. I think we thought it'd be funny if there was like nobody there.
[unpause]
WINSTON: Play Dependent’s Day!
JMN GUY: [aggressively] Hell yeah, play Dependent’s Day!
MOUJAN: Move your head, you’re blocking the game!
BERMUT: A lot of B’Kork heads. I'm not, all right, this is a hit. I'm sure you know. I'm sure you know it. All right. [singing] One, two, three, four. Gonna ride a speeder, ride a speeder, ride a speeder, ride it all night. Riding on a speeder cause I'm Bermut Nundaloy. Do you know it?
JMN GUY: [angrily] No. What? Also, are you making fun of the emperor with that name? He's our emperor.
BERMUT: No, no, no, no.
JMN GUY: His name is Nermut Bundaloy.
BERMUT: Nothing to do with him.
ALLIE: We like what a bigot he is!
BERMUT: All right, everyone. I know what can bring us together. I'm going to debut an original.
JMN GUY: [loudly] Boo!
BERMUT: Come on, come on, here we go. [singing] And one, two, three, four. I used to ride on the Bargerean Jade. I used to ride so far, far away. I used to ride on the Bargerean Jade all night and all day.
JMN GUY: What is this jucking emo bullshit? Shut up.
BERMUT: What are you talking about? I was friends with the Bargerean Jade, the most famous holostar in all of Hollywood.
JMN GUY: [rolling his eyes] Oh yeah, right.
BERMUT: I was!
JMN GUY: And you're playing here?
BERMUT: Yeah.
JMN GUY: Why don't you juck my nuts?
CROWD: [chanting] Yeah! Juck his nuts! Juck his nuts!
BERMUT: No, absolutely not. I'm an artist. I'm a musician. I'm going to make it.
JMN GUY: [jeering] Yeah, cool story, NERD.
BERMUT: I used to fly. Straight up in the sky high.
[transition]
SETH: Those songs were not in the final episode, but the ones that are, are created in that same way, which is making shit up and then Shane has to turn it into a song in the end.
ALDEN: Shane creates a Grammy worthy track for our ridiculous nonsense. But I would say that season four, we did that about as much as we've ever done it. We really, we really put you through the wringer in the music department, Shane.
SHANE: Yeah, especially the Brihx by Brihx episode, which was what, 408 maybe?
ALDEN: Yeah, something like that.
SETH: Sure.
SHANE: This episode, there was a lot of music, but what was particularly tough about it is that like basically everyone agreed that Brihx was great and the song they were about to listen to was great, good music, and the whole galaxy thought it was good music.
SETH: Right, go write a hit song.
SHANE: Yeah, right. A hit song, which just instantly had me sweating because I was like, well, I'm going to try to make it as good as I possibly can with whatever Oscar ends up doing. In my head, like my reference for pop music that I feel like I can vaguely approximate is like the pop music that was around when I was in high school. So I was making like Timbaland produced, like Justin Timberlake kind of stuff.
ALDEN: Right, right.
SETH: Yeah.
SHANE: Yeah. Well, this is what I was working with Seth's like first chopping together.
[transition]
OSCAR: [singing] I'm building you Brihx by Brihx. Changing yourself in my image. I'm changing you Brihx by Brihx. Change for me, change for me, change for me, change for me. Brihx by Brihx. Change for me, change for me, change for me, change for me.
[transition]
ALDEN: And do you have the mixed track?
SHANE: Yeah, and then what I ended up doing is this.
[transition, song plays with full instrumentation]
BRIHX: [singing] Brihx by Brihx. By Brihx. By Brihx. I'm building you Brihx by Brihx. Changing yourself in my image. I'm changing you Brihx by Brihx. Change for me, change for me, change for me, change for me. By Brihx. By Brihx. By Brihx.
[transition]
SHANE: Those are all Oscar's vocals. I set it up where like the pitch shifter on the voice I could control with the keyboard. So I could basically just redo the melody.
SETH: Oh, wow.
SHANE: Using like the Brihx by Brihx as like chords to me. Oh, that's like a Timbaland move.
ALDEN: Yeah, it's so good.
SETH: Yeah.
SHANE: Thanks.
ALDEN: Before we listen to another clip, let's do an ad. [elevator music] I'm here to tell you that Mission to Zyxx is sponsored by Dipsea. Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories and wellness sessions that are designed to turn you on and help you get in touch with yourself. You know, we talk a lot about physical health and mental health in general, especially this time of the year. But what about sexual health? Huh? [awkwardly] You know, whether you hit the gym, take a walk, you meditate. If you want, you can take care of your whole self, which includes, you know, parts of you that…. uh…
SHANE: I thought you were doing this out of character. This is very Pleck right now, Alden.
ALDEN: Is it too Plecky?
SETH: There is no difference.
ALDEN: There is no difference. That's the secret. I'm always Pleck. Seriously, though, the stories, I listened to a couple of them, not just because I was reading this, but because I was genuinely interested. The stories, they're good. They're high quality. They're immersive. Shane, you'll love that. Immersive sound design. So, think about that. So, you feel like you're right there with whoever you feel is the right person to be there with in the story. And there's also something for everyone. Whatever you're into, whoever you're into, whenever you're into. I don't know if there's any time travel stories, but there might be. That’d be cool! Think about that, Dipsea.
SETH: Now we know what Alden's into.
ALDEN: [stiltedly] Yeah. That's what gets me going is time travel. But also, it's not just about, you know, the jiggly bits. There's wellness sessions as well. And those can really help you work on your confidence or heighten intimacy with your partner and… whatnot.
SETH: I should say, I also went and checked out the Dipsea stories.
ALDEN: [surprised] Really?
SETH: Yeah. They sponsored an episode earlier read by the inimitable Miss Janelle Fitzmeyer. So, I went to the website and the stories are really great.
ALDEN: Yeah.
SETH: It's a cool app.
ALDEN: It's like if all the sexy stuff in Mission to Zyxx... No, never mind. Go ahead.
SETH: No, it's not. Remember when I said it's good?
ALDEN: And also, you know, I think that our listeners specifically appreciate some high quality audio that makes you feel good about… things, you know?
SETH: And for listeners of Mission to Zyxx, Dipsea is offering a 30-day free trial.
ALDEN: Hey, Seth, this is my ad read.
SETH: You seemed embarrassed by it. So, I was kind of trying to bail you out.
ALDEN: I'm not embarrassed by the call to action. I'm not embarrassed by the discount code.
SETH: Okay.
ALDEN: That's the one part I felt like I could do without blushing.
SETH: Go for it. You're still blushing.
SHANE: You're so pink.
ALDEN: [mumbling] For listeners of the show... Listeners of the show, Mission to Zyxx, our show, for listeners of our show, Dipsea is offering...
SETH: This is the part you were looking forward to?
ALDEN: I was... You threw me off my game.
SETH: Huh.
ALDEN: For listeners of Mission to Zyxx, Dipsea has a 30-day free trial for you. When you go to DipseaStories.com/Zyxx...
SETH: You're supposed to spell it out.
ALDEN: Sorry. That's D-I-P-S-E-A Stories... You know how to spell stories.com/Z-Y-X-X. Theoretically, you know how to spell Zyxx, but that's 30 days of free audio erotica and wellness, meditations, whatever part of your body needs a little boost. DipseaStories.com/Zyxx. Ah, Seth, you should have done it. I shouldn't have taken that from you.
SETH: You're right. I should have.
ALDEN: Should we get back to the clips?
SETH: Sure.
ALDEN: Well, you know, I said earlier that we almost never improvise to real music. And actually, I think the only... There's only one exception to that, which is all the way back in season two, our episode with Yoni Lotan, who played the ghillie guy, Pee Nee Gorno. Yoni improvised 50 songs, like so many songs, and they were all so good. And they were all just like him acapella doing insane shit.
SETH: And by good, you mean...
ALDEN: Hilarious.
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: Yes. Hilarious only. So after a string of really hilarious songs, we thought it would be funny, like, what if Shane plays something and Yoni improvises to that? So this is what happened.
[transition]
PEE NEE: Can I just play...
DAR: I mean, you can play us one more song. You already clearly picked up your instruments.
PEE NEE: Yeah, yeah. Can I just play you one more song?
DAR: I mean, you're idly strumming like you're not about to just break out into songs. So feel free to just follow through on...
PEE NEE: You'd be cool with that? Let me just get the right chords here. All right.
SHANE: [starts playing guitar]
PEE NEE: If you could…
ALLIE: That’s very funny.
PEE NEE: [singing] If you could step off from that space ledge my friend, you could cut space ties with all the space lies that you’ve been living in... if you could, space friend, I would understaaaaaand! I will be your space friiiiiend! This is the best part. Chickachicka ch- Oh, shit. One second. Wait, wait, don't look at me. Okay, one second. Going on…
C-53: I mean, he's really self-conscious, but I like this one.
PEE NEE: With galactic rocks in my hands, how do I know what's a space guy gonna do tonight? No, that's not... Every space demon…
DAR: I feel like I'm pointing out the obvious here, but he's just blatantly ripping off another band right now.
PEE NEE: I wrote that song in a space college.
PLECK: That's clearly a song by Compound Eye Blind, and you know it.
DAR: Yeah.
[transition]
PLECK: I really could have cut that outtake out before my Compound Eye Blind show, but I refused. I really hope that our listeners at home have learned something about Mission to Zyxx today.
SETH: Yeah.
SHANE: And our listeners not at home as well.
PLECK: No, if you're not at home right now, you should be shamed, honestly. Stay home.
SHANE: Some people have to work still.
ALDEN: There's a third wave. Yeah. Okay, well, yeah. Okay, listen, for our listeners at home and those of you who are essential workers, I hope you learned something about Mission to Zyxx today.
SETH: And to everyone who had been asking for more uncut clips, more behind-the-scenes stuff…
ALDEN: Happy now?
SETH: I hope you enjoyed it. And for everyone who didn't ask, we're deeply sorry.
ALDEN:They're not listening to this part. They certainly have turned it off by now.
SETH: For the few of you who didn't want this and still listen the whole way through...
SHANE: For the people who are about to press send on that comment or tweet that says, "This isn't as good as your other episodes. When are you going to give me more?" We're out of season.
ALDEN: Yeah.
SETH: Just tweet those at Shane, but not the code for Green Chef.
ALDEN: No, no, never.
SETH: It's good to see you guys.
SHANE: You too.
ALDEN: Yeah, likewise. And it's good to be heard by you out there in the world.
SETH: Yeah.
ALDEN: We hope you guys are staying safe and staying sane and staying on top of whatever political and social issues are important to you.
SETH: Yeah, we hope you're just really informed.
EVERYONE: [laughter]
[outro music]
DAN: Hey, I'm Dan McCoy.
STUART: I'm Stuart Wellington.
ELLIOT: And I'm Elliot Kalin. Together we're The Flophouse.
DAN: A podcast where we watch a bad movie and then talk about it.
ELLIOT: Movies like Space Hobos, Into the Outer Reaches of the Unknown and the Things That We Don't Know: The Movie, and also Who's That Grandma?
STUART: Zazzle Zippers, Breakdown 2, and Backhanded Compliment.
DAN: Elvis is a Policeman.
ELLIOT: Baby Crocodile and the Happy Twins.
DAN: Leftover Potatoes,
STUART: Station Wagon 3.
ELLIE: Herbie Goes to Hell.
DAN: New episodes available every other Saturday.
ELLIOT: Available at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.
ALL: Bye!
JESSE: Hey, friends. Jesse here, the founder of Maximum Fun, and I have some really great news to share with you. This year has brought a lot of changes for all of us. And one tradition that we were grateful to be able to hold on to is our annual pin sale to benefit charity. This year, through your generosity and love of pins, you helped raise $95,400 for GiveDirectly. If you're a member and you bought pins, they'll ship in January. In the meantime, your support will provide direct cash relief to families impacted by COVID-19 across the United States. Even in this incredibly tough year, the MaxFun community remains extraordinarily kind. And whether or not you bought pins, you can continue to help by heading to GiveDirectly.org. And as always, thank you.
MAXIMUM FUN: MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience-supported.
SETH: [whispering] Hey, everybody. It's just Seth alone. Just looking at... those guy's empty houses. Let's see. Shane's back. Yep. Okay. Shane's back, but Alden's not quite back. Alden's almost back. He's closing his door. He's on a rolly chair. He's putting his headphones on. And he's back.
SHANE: Oh, he's kissing his picture of a dragon. Now he's back.
SETH: Now he's back.