408: Brihx or It Didn’t Happen [ft. Oscar Montoya]
The crew is rerouted to a theme park planet, where they encounter someone ICONIC. Dar gets horny. AJ relives his glory days. Seesu’s campaign is threatened by a newcomer.
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NARRATOR: [intro music] It is a time of chaos. Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course, the colossal Allwheat. Which looks like if the sun were goth. Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zyxx.
[opening music]
DAR: Uh, hey Pleck?
PLECK: Yeah, what is it Captain?
DAR: I, I just wanted to ask, cause I feel so good right now. I feel like calm and at ease.
PLECK: Really?
DAR: I just, yeah, I just.
PLECK: Dar, that's great. You know, I, I…
DAR: [nervous laughter] Oh, now I'm getting anxious about feeling calm, but uh…
PLECK: No, I was gonna say, I've really noticed a change in you these last couple weeks. I feel like you're really growing into your role as Captain.
DAR: I mean, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I, I do have a new horn.
[unzips package]
DAR: And I do feel like tooting it.
PLECK: Oh, great, yeah!
[Dar jucking rips a great horn solo]
PLECK: Hey, that's really nice.
DAR: Ah, thank you.
[communicator beeps]
PLECK: Oh.
C-53: Captain Dar, I have an incoming transmission from Temporary Emergency Emissarial Negotiations Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy.
DAR: Hey there.
PLECK: Hey, Nermut.
NERMUT: Hey guys.
PLECK: You're sort of calling earlier than you normally do.
NERMUT: Yeah, well I wanted…
DAR: Usually we have a little time to ourselves.
PLECK: Yeah, we usually have a sort of some jucking around before you call.
NERMUT: I mean, I would have no idea what you were doing before I called.
C-53: That’s a fair point.
[door opens]
AJ: Hey, I got something funny to, what, we're doing the call now?
PLECK: Yeah, no, you called already.
AJ: Oh, oh, okay, I was just gonna show you stuff I was up to.
DAR: No, no, no, we'll have to do that another time.
C-53: I don’t think we’ll have time for that, AJ.
AJ: Oh, that's too bad.
NERMUT: I was calling because, uh, let's see, [computer murmurs] rendering, rendering, rendering, done! Okay, uh, guys, I just finished editing Seesu Gundu's exciting new campaign ad.
PLECK: Nermut, what do you mean campaign ad?
NERMUT: Well, you know, Seesu Gundu is on a mission to unify the galaxy.
PLECK: No, we know that.
NERMUT: And she realized that--
AJ: That she's amazing?
NERMUT: [sighs] Once it became clear that IQQ was planning a rival and much dirtier unification--
PLECK: Filthy.
DAR:I have to say, I have been loving his ads.
PLECK: Yeah, I mean, they are entertaining.
DAR: They are spicy.
[ad plays]
IQQ: Those who are mechanical will be put to work. Those who are organic also shoulder to shoulder sex work. But know that I respect you and call you sex workers. That is all, I believe in this endorsement, and I believe in Rodd. I'm IQQ, and I approve of this massage.
[ad ends]
PLECK: I like when he's like, "I approve of this massage."
C-53: They're a little fun, but you can't show them before 10 p.m.
NERMUT: No, a lot of pixelation. Very pixelated.
DAR: Yeah, but I have an imagination, so.
PLECK: Yeah, we all know what's under there.
C-53: Yeah, it’s pretty obvious.
NERMUT: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
PLECK: AJ doesn't.
AJ: Huh?
[the POV switches to Nermut]
NERMUT: She realized that there's competition out there. This is a campaign.
PLECK: Yeah?
NERMUT: And you need a campaign ad.
DAR: And you agreed to make it for her?
NERMUT: Yeah, I downloaded some video editing software.
AJ: Plus, Dale was the video editor before, right?
NERMUT: Yes.
DAR: Oh, I see. Guilt forced you to take the job.
PLECK: Yeah, that makes sense.
OFFICE WORKER: I miss Dale!
NERMUT: Oh, say–
PLECK: People are still in mourning about Dale.
NERMUT: That was an outtake, I had hit play, sorry.
PLECK: That was in the video?
NERMUT: It was going to be, but it seemed too sad.
PLECK: Yeah, you got to take that out.
NERMUT: No, that's cut out. All right, and play.
[ad plays, cheerful music plays]
SEESU: [LAUGHS] Hi, I'm Seesu Gundu. As you know, I am hoping to unify the galaxy, to bring it to the peaceful, seren-- serene-- should we do another take?
NERMUT: Oh, shoot. You know what? This is the rough cut. This is the rough cut.
PLECK: You gott-
SEESU: My back itches.
NERMUT: Oh, hang on. Hang on. Let me-- oh, that was final V4. Final V5.
C-53: You need a better--
PLECK: You need a better naming system.
CHILDREN: [cheering]
SEESU: [laughing] Yeah, yeah. Yes, children, yes. Hi, I'm Seesu Gundu, and now I'm trying to bring the universe together again under the Seesu Gundu reign. That's not that word. Maybe, you know, we're working on--
PLECK: Final V5? Are you sure it was final V5?
NERMUT: Exactly. This is the final.
PLECK: Oh no.
SEESU: You know, the thing about me is I'm all about living in a world of harmony.
PUPPIES: [barking]
SEESU: Yes, puppies. Oh, so many puppies. And the elderly. Wow. Hi, Georgeen Spackle. He's a good friend of mine.
C-53: Just the one camera, huh.
PLECK: Yeah, no cutaway.
NERMUT: You just-- well, there was no Georgeen Spackle.
SEESU: At the end of the day, it's all about bringing people together. I'm Seesu Gundu, and I approve of this MESSAGE.
SEESU: [enters] What the juck?
DAR: Oh, oh, oh. Hey, Seesu.
NERMUT: Hi, Seesu.
C-53: Sort of a bold ending for the video.
NERMUT: No, no, this is Seesu in person.
C-53: Oh, I see. OK.
PLECK: Actually Seesu.
SEESU: Nermut, we are jucked. We are simply, utterly, 1000% jucked.
PLECK: OK.
SEESU: Let me say that word so you clearly understand it again, slowly. J-U-Ucked.
NERMUT: I got it!
SEESU: We thought that slimeball IQQ was the only one running, and I was like, fine. No one's going to vote for him.
NERMUT: No.
SEESU: His ads are pixilated. What is he trying to hide anyway?
NERMUT: Genitals.
SEESU: Oh, really?
C-53: Who else is running?
NERMUT: Seesu, what's going on?
SEESU: Who are the- I don't–
AJ: Hi.
NERMUT: The whole crew’s here!
SEESU: Hello. Oh, wow. Everyone looks amazing.
AJ: Thank you, you look amazing too!
SEESU: Dar, that suit really suits you.
DAR: Oh, yeah. I got a horn. [toots]
SEESU: OK, great. Watch this piece of jucking short!
[ad plays, inspirational music plays]
TED: Hey there, folks. I'm Ted Ronka. You might know me as the CEO of Ronka Cybernetics Corporation.
ROBOT: I do.
TED: But I built that corporation out of the back of my parents' house. All right? So if you're looking for a guy to rebuild the whole galaxy, you better turn to me, old Ted Ronka, who's not afraid to roll up his sleeves and do a little hard work. If there's anyone who can sit down and talk straight Garfon with the Allwheat , it's old Ted Ronka.
ROBOT: Ted’s party! Ted’s party! T-t-t-ted’s party!
TED: Isn’t that fun? I did that myself. I'm Ted Ronka, and you bet I approve of this message!
AJ: Wow.
SEESU: Did you see that?
NERMUT: That's terrible news, Ted Ronka?
C-53: What a great ad.
NERMUT: His hair looked amazing.
SEESU: Ted Ronka is a kajazillion kroonaire.
PLECK: Yeah, and also, I mean, there's a Ronka droid in basically every household in the galaxy, right?
SEESU: I didn't even say anything about the Allwheat, and that's what this is all about!
NERMUT: Right.
SEESU: Also, he is so fit!
AJ: He's also got a little bit of a gut, though. You know, like a nothing… You're like, oh yeah, it's approachable.
NERMUT: Like we were like, I could talk to this guy.
PLECK: Yeah. That's like a yacht gut, you know?
SEESU: Maybe I should get a gut. Maybe that's what I do.
AJ: No, don't!
SEESU: Maybe I should become more approachable, huh? Nermut, approach me.
NERMUT: I was going to assign the mission to go to-
SEESU: Yeah, no, that's garbage. It doesn't even matter anymore. Stand back.
NERMUT: Ah!
C-53: Oh, wow, you just batted him away.
SEESU: New mission. We need to make me be liked.
ALL: Oh.
C-53: Sort of a broad..
AJ: Mission accomplished.
SEESU: We need something that makes me different from the other two people running. Nermut, you need to get a crew of whomever-
NERMUT: Uh, probably these guys.
SEESU: -out to the coolest planet and show them. Just get me some coolness. That's what's going to make me stand out and be more approachable.
NERMUT: Done. Consider it done.
SEESU: People love cool people.
PLECK: Uh, yeah!
NERMUT: Okay. All right. Seesu Gundu, I will not let you down. I will assign that mission.
BARGIE: Oh. Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I'm going somewhere right now and you're coming with me.
[Bargie shuts off the call]
PLECK: No, Bargie, could you turn the holo back on? Actually, we were in the middle of a conversation.
BARGIE: This is a very important mission.
DAR: Oh, Bargie is assigning the mission.
PLECK: Okay.
BARGIE: I finally have someone I want to give my first ever development job to, because I’m in development now.
AJ: Bargie, this is huge!
[communicator beeps]
C-53: Yeah, listen, I have an incoming transmission-
BARGIE: And I have an outgoing route and we’re going straight to hyperspace!
C-53: Oh wow, going straight to hyperspace.
PLECK: All right…
DAR: Okay.
BARGIE: We're going to Brihxville.
AJ: What?
PLECK: Brihxville?
BARGIE: Yeah. I know.
PLECK: Barg- The theme park?
BARGIE: Yeah.
C-53: Bargie, you have a development deal with Brihx?
AJ: Whoa.
DAR: Wait, I'm so sorry. Who is this person that we're all so excited to meet?
C-53: Wait, Dar.
PLECK: Dar.
BARGIE: Dar!
AJ: With all due respect Captain Dar, what?
PLECK: Dar, even I know who Brihx is.
AJ: Brihx is iconic!
BARGIE: Even Horsehat knows who Brihx is.
HORSEHAT: [gurgling approval]
PLECK: Yeah, I mean, Dar, you've become a parent and immediately you're out of touch.
C-53: Out of the loop!
DAR: Wow, wow, wow. No, no, no, no, no. I'm still cool. Look at these epaulets. Look at this horn that I have. Watch. See?
[horn playing]
PLECK: No, listen, Dar. I mean, I will say this with all due respect. Horn music generally is just considered very old-timey.
DAR: Uh-huh.
C-53: Pleck, maybe you leave this conversation-
PLECK: Okay, you know what?
BARGIE: Anyway, Brihxville is the theme park planet that celebrates the very famous pop artist who dances like a fiend, I'll tell you that. Brihx.
AJ: Oh, man!
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: Brihx's choreography is, again, I don't know a ton of words, but iconic.
PLECK: Yeah, iconic again.
C-53: No, but that is actually--
PLECK: But you're right. You're right.
C-53: That’s an accurate statement.
BARGIE: There's music and then there's Brihx, right?
AJ: Oh, yeah.
PLECK: TheyTeen Magazine, whenever they do a feature on Brihx, I'm just mesmerized. Like, her moves, her lyrics, man. Guilty pleasure. I love Brihx.
C-53: Nothing to be ashamed of.
AJ: I saw a holo of a Brihx concert where, like, the entire audience, the entire audience was doing the exact dance move that Brihx was doing.
BARGIE: Everyone, at the count of three, favorite album, right now. One, two, three.
AJ, BARGIE, PLECK, AND C-53: [shout out favorite album in incomprehensible mass of audio]
DAR: Mm.
AJ: Dar, you haven't heard any of these?
DAR: No, no, no, no. No…
C-53: Captain Dar, you've never heard this song?
[plays song]
BRIHX: [singing] Brihx by Brihx. I'm building you Brihx by Brihx. Changing your style in my image. I'm changing you-
CREW SANS DAR: [singing along] Brihx by Brihx!
BARGIE: Yeah!
BRIHX: Change for me, change for me. Change for me, change for me.
C-53: You've never heard this song?
AJ: You’ve never heard that?!
DAR: No.
C-53: It’s so good!
AJ: Iconic.
BRIHX: [singing] Brihx by Brihx. Changing your style in my image. I'm changing you Brihx by Brihx. Change for me, change for me. Change for me, change for me. Brihx by Brihx. By Brihx. By Brihx. By…
[transition]
[Bargie’s hatch opens, ambient theme park]
AJ: Whoa, look at this place. Look at it.
C-53: Man.
PLECK: I've got to say, I've actually always wanted to visit Brihxville.
C-53: Are you kidding me?
PLECK: Oh, it always felt like it was kinda-
C-53: No, I'm with you 100%.
BARGIE: Where do you want me to drop you? Huh? I'm, uh, in my meeting.
AJ: I want to do them all. I want to go to Brihxland. I want to go to Fantasy Brihxland. Uh-huh.
PLECK: AJ wants to do the rides.
AJ: I don't want to go to Pioneer Brihxland.
PLECK: I'd love to catch a live show.
DAR: Wait, who is this person's face that's everywhere?
C-53: Oh my Rodd..
PLECK: That's Brihx.
C-53: Captain Dar! That's Brihx.
DAR: Oh.
AJ: Captain, you're really pulling a Papa right.
DAR: I'm-- I-- no.
C-53: Kinda yeah.
DAR: [horn blows]
PLECK: Wow, that horn really makes some noise.
C-53: You really got control of that pretty fast.
DAR: So which Brihx is that one? On that board?
PLECK: No, that is Brihx. She's not a brick. Brihx is a single person. B-R-I-H-X.
DAR: But that Brihx looks so different from the other Brihx on the roller coaster.
AJ: Right, Brihx is constantly changing her lewk. That's what makes her an icon.
C-53: Her what?
AJ: Her lewk.
DAR: That feels very confusing.
PLECK: What are you talking about, AJ?
AJ: Her lewk.
DAR: Are you OK?
AJ: Fine. Brihx is constantly changing her lewk.
C-53: Might be some kinda problem with your modulator..
AJ: My helmet?
DAR: Uh-huh.
BARGIE: All right, everybody, you get out. Today's a big day for Bargie. If this actually happens for me, everything is high in the sky.
AJ: Bargie, I don't know much about development, but I'm almost positive that, like, it will happen.
BARGIE: Thank you.
PLECK: Yeah, and Bargie, let us know. It would be great if we could get to meet Brihx. Just for a second. Just get a picture with her.
BARGIE: All right, I’ll be right back! Time for you to go, I gotta go pitch now. I'm going to develop. Everybody out. Everybody out. You're by the toilets. I’ll pick you up later!
[Bargie ejects the crew out of her hatch and takes off]
PLECK: Bargie!
C-53: Pretty unceremonious.
AJ: Look at these toilets.
PLECK: Yeah, they're nice toilets.
AJ: Wow, look. There's Brihx Pavilion. Look at that-- I've never seen a stage this big.
PLECK: Wow. Yeah, that must seat like 30,000 people.
CHA CHA: Excuse me, please get out of the way, please?
AJ: Wait. Don’t look now. I mean, do look.
CHA CHA: Excuse me, move!
DAR: OK.
AJ: It's Cha Cha DeVine.
C-53: Oh my Rodd.
AJ: It's Cha Cha DeVine.
CHA CHA: You’re in my way.
ASSISTANT: Can I bring you another coffee?
CHA CHA: Please. Go, scat, scat. [shoos away assistant] Excuse me, please. Excuse me.
C-53: We're so sorry.
PLECK: Oh, my goodness.
C-53: We did not mean to get in any shape or form.
AJ: Cha Cha, we're huge fans!
CHA CHA: Excuse me?
AJ AND PLECK: Ahhh..
DAR: So are you the Brihx?
AJ: Uh--
CHA CHA: I'm not Brihx. I'm Cha Cha.
DAR: Oh, OK.
AJ: [frustrated] It's Cha Cha DeVine.
CHA CHA: And who are you?
AJ: I'm AJ-2884.
CHA CHA: Wait a second. That sounds familiar.
C-53: [excited] Do you know Cha Cha DeVine?
CHA CHA: Are you-- were you ever in--
AJ: Guilty. [laughs]
CHA CHA: CLINTSync?
AJ: That's right. I was 2884. I was--
CHA CHA: You were the bad boy.
AJ: Yeah, I was the bad boy.
CHA CHA: Oh, between you and me, the best dancer of the group.
AJ: Well, we called it tactical footwork, but still. I rapped in the middle of the song. I didn't sing as much.
CHA CHA: Oh my gosh. Well, is this your new boy band? Is this your new group?
DAR: Oh, uh--
AJ: Sorta, yeah. Yeah.
CHA CHA: Oh, are you still the bad boy in this group?
AJ: Ha ha. Yeah.
C-53: Uh, basically. In many ways, yes he is.
PLECK: AJ, how-- how do you know Cha Cha DeVine?
AJ: So when I was coming up in CLINTSync, we were, you know, choreographing some of our songs. And we ended up, like, killing a crew of space pirates and taking their kroon. And we were able to pay for Cha Cha to come and choreograph. It was incredible.
PLECK: Wow.
CHA CHA: Mm-hmm.
AJ: Cha Cha, I can't believe you remember my name. It's unbelievable.
CHA CHA: Yes, of course.
AJ: Captain Dar, Cha Cha is Brihx' choreographer.
CHA CHA: Yes, guilty, guilty. Yeah, yeah, yes.
AJ: Oh, man, you taught us some incredible moves. Like, a little bit of, like-- [VOCALIZING AND TAPPING]
CHA CHA: And swivel and turn. Six, seven, extend. And over, out. Grapevine, grapevine, swivel. Tondu and lay out! [LAUGHS]
PLECK: Wow.
CHA CHA: My goodness!
AJ: Some tactical footwork.
C-53: AJ, that was really good!
AJ: Cha Cha, this is my new crew.
CHA CHA: Oh.
AJ: We do missions and stuff. We go to different, like, planets, and people usually yell at us when we leave. So, like--
CHA CHA: Well, not unlike the show business, my friend.
AJ: [LAUGHS] That's right, Cha Cha, you look amazing.
CHA CHA: Oh, you know.
AJ: This is Captain Dar, the captain of our ship.
DAR: Hello.
CHA CHA: Ooh, your handshake is very cold.
DAR: Oh, I'm very nervous, actually. I just-- I don't really speak this language. [nervous laughs] I don't know what a Brihx is.
PLECK: Dar…
CHA CHA: I’m… sorry? Quick, your favorite Brihx song now.
AJ: Oh.
DAR: Um.
PLECK: [whispering] Brihx by Brihx.
DAR: Pleck, what was your favorite?
CREW: [whispering] Brihx by Brihx.
DAR: Pleck, what is your favorite?
PLECK: Just say Brihx by Brihx. Safe choice, the safe choice. Brihx by Brihx. Unimpeachable choice.
DAR: Unimpeachable Choice is my favorite song.
CREW: No!
PLECK: Brihx by Brihx.
CHA CHA: Wow, that is a deep cut. You must be a Brihx super fan.
AJ: Oh, yeah.
CHA CHA: Please.
AJ: Unimpeachable Choice.
CHA CHA: Let me extend the favor. Follow me.
C-53: Oh my Rodd. Are you kidding me? Go, go, go, go, go, go!
DAR: Okay!
PLECK: This is amazing.
AJ: Dar, where did you pull Unimpeachable Choice from?
CHA CHA: Unimpeachable Choice. I mean, it was released for about a week and then pulled back. I didn't know anyone heard that song!
[door opens]
C-53: It didn’t even get onto an album! Look through the studio, it's backstage at the pavilion. The curtain's down.
AJ: Oh, wow.
INTERN: Cha Cha, Cha Cha. Here's better coffee. We had that other intern fired.
CHA CHA: Thank you. Here, this coffee is for you. Now you're fired. Go away!
INTERN: Oh, my goodness.
PLECK: Wow.
INTERN: At least you gave me coffee.
AJ: Classic Cha Cha.
DAR: Oh, this coffee's delicious. Thank you.
C-53: Yeah, it wasn't for you, intern!
INTERN: Oh, shoot! [runs away] Juck me. Juck me!
CHA CHA: I welcome you to Brihx' chamber.
AJ: What? We are in Brihx'-- we’re in Brihx' dressing room!
PLECK: Guys, that's Brihx.
C-53: Oh my rosh, was Brihx sitting right here the whole time?
AJ: Brihx is just-
DAR: [strolling up] Brihx, I mean, it must be so hard to hear so many compliments about you all the time, right?
CHA CHA: Oh, um, you can't directly address Brihx.
DAR: Oh, OK.
AJ: Captain Dar, all due respect, but for real--
BRIHX: Make sure you go to the food court and try all my favorite snacks!
C-53: OK, that's enough of that now.
AJ: All right, all right, all right.
CHA CHA: Close.
[Brihx is sealed away]
C-53: Sorry, sorry, so sorry!
AJ: Yeah, Brihx is just sort of staring in the mirror right now, just sitting still.
CHA CHA: Well, that's part of her process. Brihx has to get ready for a show.
AJ: Right, right, right.
PLECK: Sure.
CHA CHA: Every artist must come face to face with themselves in order to make art. You understand.
DAR: Yes, of course. I, you know, fancy myself a bit of a dancer.
CHA CHA: Oh, really?
DAR: Well, just a touch.
PLECK: Dar is classically trained.
CHA CHA: Well, what do you do? Show me some things.
DAR: Oh, I mean, OK. [busts out some dance moves]
CHA CHA: Stop right now.
PLECK: Oh. Wow.
AJ: Dar…
C-53: That’s very brief.
CHA CHA: So what brings you here?
PLECK: We're just visiting Brihxville. We've always wanted to visit, but we're actually the crew of the Bargerean Jade, and she's here meeting with Brihx's people, I think.
CHA CHA: Bargie. I haven't heard of her in a long, long time.
PLECK: Well…
C-53: That's not uncommon.
DAR: That's not uncommon.
PLECK: Well, she had a little bit-
CHA CHA: What's she up to now?
PLECK: She's in development.
C-53: Yeah.
AJ: No, it's not a backwards move at all. It's a move forward.
DAR: She's taking a step away from acting.
AJ: Yeah. It's not a step back. It's a step away.
C-53: Yes. To the side.
CHA CHA: Yeah, just a step away. Step away. Yes, very healthy. I understand. You know, Brihx sometimes talks about stepping back or stepping away as well, but, you know, we can't have that. We can't. We just simply cannot.
AJ: Right.
CHA CHA: The world demands Brihx. The galaxy demands it, and they shall have Brihx.
[door opens]
DANCER: Cha Cha. We are ready to practice the new choreography, us other dancers.
PLECK: Whoa, look at these backup dancers. They're so tall!
CHA CHA: Yes, yes. My 200 dancers.
AJ: So many legs.
CHA CHA: Would you like to sit in on a rehearsal?
C-53: Haha, would we!
DAR: [sullen] Absolutely.
AJ: Wow.
PLECK: Yeah, absolutely.
DANCER: Georgeen's legs fell off in the last rehearsal. Wow.
GEORGEEN: I was worked so hard, but they fell off doing what I love!
CHA CHA: Maybe… 2884 if you want to be my dancer.
CREW: What?
AJ: C, pinch me!
C-53: [garbled excitement]
AJ: Okay, I think you broke my elbow.
C-53: Sorry, it's a little bit. I'm so sorry.
CHA CHA: We're back at 200 then. All right, everyone.
AJ: All right.
CHA CHA: Follow me. Five, six, one, two, three, four. [Dance music]
AJ: [sounds of effort] Dislodge the pinkie, up and around, put my arm back on! Fall back, brother, and the arm is all the way back…
C-53: This looks so complicated.
AJ: But it's so sexy.
CHA CHA: Go and then release!
[whiffing]
PLECK: That one dancer got all tangled up in himself.
CHA CHA: Untangle now.
C-53: That was part of it! The tangling was part of it!
PLECK: Wow.
CHA CHA: -two, three, pose.
AJ: Look at me. Look at me.
PLECK: You're doing it, AJ.
AJ: I'm looking through it. Look at me.
CHA CHA: All right, everyone. I think that's good enough. Let's take a little water break!
[Cha Cha turns off music]
DAR: Hey, C-53?
C-53: Yeah, Captain?
DAR: Have you ever seen dancers pick up choreography that quickly?
C-53: No, that was wild. I was watching, Cha Cha. I was almost doing it myself.
PLECK: I almost feel like I could do it.
C-53: Yeah.
PLECK: Yeah, and I ju-
CHA CHA: I'm sorry. What's happening over here in this corner?
C-53: Nothing.
DAR: No, it’s just we were talking about how impressive it is that your dancers can just pick up on choreography in one take.
CHA CHA: What are you trying to say?
C-53: I just would have assumed even a professional dancer would take at least a few hours to learn choreography that complex.
AJ: I'm just saying, you just keep your eyes on Cha Cha, and then your brain sort of like smooths over, and all you can see is Cha Cha, and you're just like Cha Cha becomes part of you.
CHA CHA: Enough. Stop it! [slap]
AJ: Ow.
CHA CHA: Don't look at my belt.
AJ: Ow. Oh, yeah, your belt.
CHA CHA: Fine. I confess it all!
PLECK: What?
AJ: What? Nobody was asking you to confess.
CHA CHA: Oh, my goodness. Fine. You cornered me to a wall. I must tell you everything!
C-53: What?
PLECK: Uh…
CHA CHA: Dancers, please retire for the evening.
DANCER: We go to bed now! As we are told!
AJ: Do I go or?
PLECK No, AJ.
DAR: No, AJ, you stay.
DANCER: Oh, my goodness. Are you 4119, the sweetheart?
AJ: No, I'm 2884, the bad boy.
DANCER: Oh, that’s-[runs away]
C-53: Cha Cha, what are you talking about?
CHA CHA: Ah, so it brings me to this.
AJ: What?
CHA CHA: You found me out.
AJ: What?
DAR: We weren't looking for anything.
PLECK: What did we find out?
CHA CHA: The secret is out, but you can't tell anyone. You can't tell anyone about my dis-go-tech!
[belt beeps]
AJ: Your what? Discotheque?
DAR: Discotheque?
CHA CHA: Dis-GO-tech. This belt that I have. It's called a dis-go-tech.
DAR: Oh.
AJ: You're talking about the belt that is blinking and makes me want to like--
DAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
PLECK: That's an iconic piece of Cha Cha/Brihx fashion.
AJ: Yeah.
CHA CHA: Well, well, well, you've gotten to the bottom of my mystery, haven't you?
AJ: Wait, what?
CHA CHA: You silly little explorers. And one very good dancer.
DAR: Oh, thank you.
AJ: [overlapping] Thank you.
C-53: Oh, I don’t think-I think that was AJ.
AJ: Oh, I thought--
DAR: Oh, for-- oh, sure.
AJ: You know, we're all hoofers here.
CHA CHA: Am I really a dancer? No, I'm not. Good job, detectives.
AJ: Wait, what are you, then?
DAR: Because you're actually a very good dancer.
C-53: I was going to say, I think you are a good dancer.
CHA CHA: I'm a-- in actuality, I'm a… a scientist! A robotic scientist.
PLECK: What?
C-53: What?
AJ: What?
CHA CHA: This belt, you see, is a mind-altering machine.
[belt whirs]
CREW: Oh!
CHA CHA: I'm hypnotizing them. Are you happy now?
DAR: I mean, not so much happy as I just feel validated for never being into any of this.
PLECK: [muttering] Yeah… But some of it's because you're not cool, right?
DAR: OK.
AJ: Wait, so does that mean that Brihx is also a scientist?
CHA CHA: Brihx is a--
AJ: You know, like Brihx is a scientist.
CHA CHA: Let me show you Brihx.
[Cha Cha pulls aside a curtain, revealing a beeping and booping Brihx]
BRIHX: Howdy, partner. Make sure you leave time to check out Pioneer Brihxland! Giddyup!
CREW: Whoa!
CHA CHA AND BRIHX: [simultaneously] Brihx is nothing more than a robot. A robot I developed.
AJ: Yeah.
C-53: Okay I don’t... I don't like the turn this is taking. Okay, this is a little organic-centric here.
AJ: So wait, Brihx is just like your robot friend?
PLECK: No, AJ--
AJ: Brihx is this like super pop star robot, and you guys are just like friends.
PLECK: No, look, AJ, every time Cha Cha moves his arm, Brihx raises her arm.
AJ: Right, they're just like in sync because she's a pro.
CHA CHA: Do I have to spell it out for you?
AJ: No.
CHA CHA AND BRIHX: [simultaneously] I control Brihx. I am Brihx.
C-53: Brihx is not even a robot. It's a drone. I feel like such an idiot.
AJ: Oh, I get it now. Dis-GO-tech.
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: Like when Cha Cha's arms go like dis, so do Brihx's--
PLECK: Exactly, yeah.
AJ: --like this.
CHA CHA: You all know my secret. I cannot let you escape!
PLECK: Wait, what?
DAR: Uh.
[door opens]
INTERN: Cha Cha, uh, Brihx.
CHA CHA: What? What is it?
INTERN: It's another intern. Hi.
CHA CHA: Oh, my gosh, what do you want?
INTERN: Brihx and-- Cha Cha.
CHA CHA: They all know you don't have to lie. Just say it.
INTERN: The performance starts in two minutes.
CHA CHA: Ah, well, Brihx has a performance, so I must go. Or I should say, WE must go. 199 dancers! Stay here and finish. The. Job.
AJ: Oh no.
[Dancers surrounds the crew with aggressive dancing!]
DANCERS: We're dancing. We're dancing. We're dancing.
DAR: AH!
CHA CHA: Surround these people.
DAR: Oh, no.
CHA CHA: Dance them… to death!
DAR: We're in the center of a dance circle. Oh, no.
DANCERS: Dance, dance. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Go, go. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp.
AJ: This is the worst! Stomp is the worst!
[transition]
[Crowd cheering as Brihx plays music]
BRIHX: Hey, everybody. [CROWD CHEERING] [singing] Drop, drop, drop. Drop, drop, drop.
BRIHX AND CHA CHA: [singing] Drop, drop, drop. Everybody drop, drop, drop. How do you want it? How do you like it? Brihx by Brihx. Brihx. How do you want it? How do you like it? Brihx by Brihx. Brihx. How do you want it? How do you like it? Drop it quick! Brihx. Drop, drop, drop. Everybody drop!
AJ: Oh, Brihx drop!
DANCER: The dancers have surrounded still.
AJ: That's right. Brihx and Cha Cha might be gone, but we're in big trouble, guys.
DANCER: 200 of us.
DAR: Well, actually, 199 of you.
PLECK: Wait, hold on. The dancers are surrounding us, but Cha Cha left. You're not controlled by him anymore.
DANCER: Oh. Oh. We can–
PLECK: You can sort of do whatever you want.
DANCER: Take a little rest.
AJ: No, you guys need to learn some new moves, in my opinion.
PLECK: No, AJ, no.
AJ: Maybe a little of this. [dancing]
PLECK: No, AJ, unimportant.
DANCER: Maybe a little of this. Uh! Uh!
AJ: All right.
DANCER: Maybe a little of this.
DAR: Whoa. Hey, Pleck, hey, C-53, are you realizing how bad they all are at dancing without Cha Cha here?
DANCER: My favorite dance is modern dance. Look what I can do with my hands. [fluttering] They're butterflies in space.
PLECK: Yeah, I mean, when left to their own devices, they're sort of--
C-53: Yeah, it’s sorta-
DANCER: I hop. [jumping]
PLECK: Okay.
C-53: That’s not even… that’s just hopping.
DAR: That's not a dance.
AJ: Without, like, the belt, they're not really–
PLECK: Yeah, that is.
DAR: No.
C-53: They don’t really have much of a stage presence.
AJ: We don't have a lot of time, because if we all know Brihx' music, and we all do, that number's going to be done soon, yeah.
C-53: I may have a plan. If I'm able to polish my loader claws to a mirror shine, I may be able to use that optical effect to disrupt--
[door opens]
AJ: Oh, oh, Brihx and Cha Cha are coming back.
PLECK: Oh, no.
C-53: Really didn’t take advantage of that opportunity.
[crew hides]
CHA CHA: Oh, another glorious time. Mm-mm-mm, yes. Give me a towel, intern.
INTERN: There you go. Oh, no, that's coffee.
CHA CHA: You're fired! [throws coffee at intern]
C-53: I mean, an intern should know the difference-
PLECK: Yeah, you should no--
AJ: Between coffee and towels.
PLECK: That intern should be fired. I don't say that a lot.
DAR: That one we don't have sympathy for in this situation.
CHA CHA: Wait a second. What are you all still doing here alive? I thought my dancers stomped the hell out of you.
PLECK: Actually, once you left, the belt stopped doing anything, and they kind of just returned to their kind of natural state?
CHA CHA: Oh, my goodness, of course.
AJ: They put on, like, chunky sweaters.
CHA CHA: Yeah, fine, you've defeated Cha Cha DeVine.
PLECK: What?
CHA CHA: I surrender, white flag! I'm waving to and fro.
PLECK: I don’t think that’s true..
AJ: Hey, Cha Cha, I have one question to ask.
CHA CHA: Yes.
AJ: So does that mean that Brihx, like, writes her own music, or, like, what?
PLECK: AJ. You're getting further and further away.
AJ: That's what I like so much about Brihx, is, like, she does it all.
CHA CHA: I did it all. It was me.
AJ: Oh, wow.
DAR: Cha Cha, why not just be the pop star, then?
PLECK: Yeah.
DAR: Why--
C-53: Yeah?
CHA CHA: Look at me. Who would ever fall in love with a 6'3", blonde-haired, blue-eyed troll like myself with glistening white teeth and a 5 o'clock shadow? Oh, I'm hideous!
PLECK: Oh, Cha Cha, no. Listen, Cha Cha, we can't all be, you know, the ideal.
DAR: Yeah, I mean, look at Pleck.
PLECK: Yeah.
DAR: And he still has confidence to keep doing what he's doing.
PLECK: Yeah, I only have one eye!
AJ: He sort of mopes around a lot now, but–
DAR: Oh, okay.
C-53: Makes a meal out of the eye.
CHA CHA: Maybe it's time for me to let go of Brihx. Maybe I should start doing my own thing.
AJ: Yeah, Cha Cha, I mean, I hope you'll find some way to, like, maybe, like, use your, like, mind control and giant fame to, like, benefit the galaxy, but honestly, I can't think of a way off the top of my head. So it looks like we're wrapping up!
PLECK: AJ, no, AJ, listen--
AJ: This was a lot of fun. I think we're good to go.
PLECK: You actually make a really good point.
AJ: Yeah, I don't know what it is.
PLECK: You know, Cha Cha, if you wanted to make a difference in the galaxy that wasn't just controlling an automaton that you built to rile up stadiums full of mesmerized fans–
DAR: Instead, you could rile up a base to get them to vote for a candidate in the next election!
CHA CHA: Are you saying that Brihx should run for office?
CREW: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
AJ: Yeah, absolutely!
CHA CHA: That's a brilliant idea!
PLECK: AJ, no.
CHA CHA: That's exactly what I'll do. It's the next logical step. Brihx, the galactic sensation.
CREW: No, no!
AJ: Yeah!
CHA CHA: I can't believe it was staring me right in the face. This is totally what should happen.
PLECK: Oh, boy.
CHA CHA: Oh, you have all changed my life so much. Thank you.
AJ: Well, Cha Cha, I just want you to know that you have my vote. I will vote for both you and Seesu.
PLECK: That's not how voting works.
DAR: That's not how votes work.
AJ: Huh?
CHA CHA: I'm sorry, who is this Seesu person?
PLECK: Oh, Seesu Gundu.
AJ: Yeah.
PLECK: She was the leader of the rebellion against the Federated Alliance. Now I guess she's sort of running against Ted Ronka and IQQ for leadership of the galaxy.
CHA CHA: And against Seesu, I will do, ooh, a smear campaign! [clapping] Oh, my goodness. Controversy after controversy against Seesu. Ooh, I love it.
AJ: I'm voting for all of them.
C-53: AJ, you can’t-
PLECK: I mean, you can't really do that.
AJ: As many times as they'll let me. As many times as they'll let me.
C-53: Cha Cha, you don't want to run the galaxy. I mean, it's a lot of work.
PLECK: Yeah.
CHA CHA: Hmm..
PLECK: Also, Cha Cha, your legacy, you know, you built a pop music empire.
CHA CHA: You're right.
DAR: Yeah, you built it Brihx by Brihx.
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: Nice one, Dar.
CHA CHA: That's very good.
PLECK: Dar gets it.
C-53: Dar’s coming around!
AJ: Yeah.
CHA CHA: You know what I want?
PLECK: What's that?
CHA CHA: This is what I want. I want to write a song for Sazu. And that's the campaign song.
PLECK: Seesu.
AJ: It’s Seesu-
C-53: Seesu.
CHA CHA: Sung by Brihx.
PLECK: Oh, wait, wait, hold on, what?
CHA CHA: I want Brihx to endorse Zazu.
PLECK: It's Seesu.
CHA CHA: You've convinced me. I'm going to write a song for Sassu.
C-53: You really turn on a dime, don’t you?
CHA CHA: Saz who? Saz you.
PLECK: It's actually Seesu.
CHA CHA: It's basically writing itself!
[Cha Cha wanders off into a rocket]
DAR: Oh, wait, but Cha Cha, come back.
AJ: He’s just going.
PLECK: Cha Cha, come back. Hold on. He closed the door.
[rocket launching]
AJ: Wow. He rocketed in-
PLECK: Just shot into space.
DAR: See how that chamber went off like a rocket?
BARGIE: Hey. Hey!
[Bargie lands]
DAR: Uh-huh. Bargie.
PLECK: Hey, Bargie.
BARGIE: Where are you?
DAR: Hey, we're down here.
PLECK: We're down here. Stage left.
BARGIE: I… land. Well, I got some good news and bad news. What do you want first?
CREW: Bad news.
C-53: Bad news first, always.
BARGIE: Development deal didn't happen.
C-53: Oh, that's a shame.
PLECK: I'm sorry.
AJ: I thought those things were a sure thing.
BARGIE: Good news is-- [sighs] um.
C-53: You said good news and bad news. What’s the-
DAR: What’s the good news?
BARGIE: I thought by the time I finished the bad news, something good would happen.
PLECK: Oh, no.
C-53: That is ambitious.
PLECK: Oh, Bargie, you can't slice it that thin.
BARGIE: Hold on, let's just wait for a second. Maybe it's--
AJ: Oh, yeah, we'll wait.
BARGIE: Hold for good news!
AJ: Holding! Holding for good news!
C-53: How long are we gonna hold for…?
PLECK: Oh no.
BARGIE: Long as it takes.
[long pause]
[transition]
SINGER: [singing] Brihx by Brihx by Brihx by Brihx by Brihx by Brihx by Brihx by Brihx by--
PLECK: You know, Dar, I think I owe you an apology.
C-53: I think we all do, Dar.
DAR: Oh, sure, you can apologize to me for anything that you've done.
PLECK: I gotta say, I… I thought you weren't cool, but turns out your species is genetically unaffected by hypnotic technology.
C-53: Which is, honestly, genetically very cool.
PLECK: Yeah, objectively very cool.
DAR: Hmm.
AJ: Bargie, I was-- I'm sorry about your development deal.
BARGIE: It's okay. You know, sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and be rejected. The thing is, is I-- can I admit something? I don't know what I'm doing.
C-53: Oh, Barge.
PLECK: Bargie, none of us really know what we're doing.
BARGIE: Oh.
PLECK: Maybe the thing you're in development for… is yourself. You know, maybe you're working on you.
BARGIE: Yeah, okay, whatever. The only thing that will make me cheer up is watching five clones dance. What you-- what you– what do you got, what's the tablet?
PLECK: Oh, yeah. What are you doing over there, AJ?
AJ: I'm just looking at some old-- old holos of, you know, just time gone by.
BARGIE: Yeah. You know, AJ, maybe the greatest development is you.
AJ: Whoa, Bargie!
PLECK: Oh, come on.
AJ: Papa what?
PLECK: AJ, are you watching--
AJ: Bargie just gave me some great advice.
PLECK: Are you watching old CLINTSync videos?
AJ: Maybe.
PLECK: Can we watch one?
AJ: Sure, why not?
PLECK: I just-- I've always kind of been curious as to-- I didn't know there was still material out there.
AJ: Oh, yeah, which one do you guys want to watch? Keep Your Heart on a Swivel or Let's Do This or what?
PLECK: I mean, what's your favorite one?
AJ: Personally, I love There's No One Like Me 'Cause I'm Not a Clone.
BARGIE: Let's put up the clip.
PLECK: Okay.
[upbeat CLINTSync song plays]
AJ: Well, it's not as good as the song that we sent Seesu and Nermut, but pretty good.
PLECK: AJ.
AJ: I think they're gonna like it.
[ad plays]
BRIHX: [singing] Vote for only her! Zazou, says you. The right person for this job is one strong lady named Zazou. Zazou, says you. The right person for this job is someone named Zazou. Vote for only her. Zazou.
SEESU: Nermut, get in here! Who is Zazou?
NERMUT: Oh, juck my butt.
[outro music]
BRIHX: -Zazou..
RADIO: Well, that was just pure pop magic. Now coming up, the Jordan B'Korkan single, A New Sun's Rising (Honky Tonk Ronka).
SEESU: [screaming] No! What? Why? No!
C-RED-IT5: This is C-RED-IT5. Credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol. Pleck Decksetter was played by Alden Ford. C-53 and Ted Ronka were played by Jeremy Bent. Captain Dar was played by Allie Kokesh. Bargie the Ship and Seesu Gundu were played by Moujan Zolfaghari. Teen Mom Nermut Bundaloy was played by Seth Lind. AJ was played by Winston Noel. Speaking of, don't forget to vote in Winston Madness, the bracket pitting 32 of Winston's past side characters against one another. It was suggested by a fan as a joke, and we called their bluff. Find the link on our Twitter @MissionToZyxx. Cha Cha DeVine was played by special guest Oscar Montoya. Oscar co-hosts the podcast Spanish Aqui Presents and Inside the Disney Vault. You can see him performing regularly at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Los Angeles and catch him every Sunday night on the Fox animated show, Bless the Harts. Brihx was played by Alta Finn. This episode was edited by Seth Lind, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Original iconic Brihx music was composed and performed by Shane O'Connell, with lyrics improvised by Oscar Montoya. Additional vocals by Alta Finn. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York, and Maximum Fun in Los Angeles. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerean Jade by Eric Geusz. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission To Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.
SINGER: One, two, one, two, three, four.
JUSTIN: Hi everybody, my name is Justin McElroy.
SYDNEY: I'm Sydney McElroy.
JUSTIN: We're both doctors and–
SYDNEY: Nope, just me.
JUSTIN: Okay, well Sydney's a doctor and I'm a medical enthusiast and we create Sawbones, a Marital Tour of Misguided Medicine.
SYDNEY: Every week I dig through the annals of medical history to bring you the wildest, grossest, sometimes dumbest, tales of ways we've tried to treat people throughout history.
JUSTIN: And lately we do a lot of modern fake medicine because everything's a disaster, but it's slightly less of a disaster every Friday right here on MaximumFun.org as we bring you Sawbones, a Marital Tour of Misguided Medicine.
BOTH: And remember-- Don't drill a hole in your head.
APRIL: Hello there, ghouls and gals, it is I. April Wolfe! I’m here to take you through the twisty, scary, heart pounding world of genre cinema on the exhilarating program known as… Switchblade Sisters! The concept is simple: I invite a female filmmaker on each week and we discuss their favorite genre film. Listen in closely to hear pasts guests like The Babadook director Jennifer Kent, Winter’s Bone director Debra Granik, and so many others every Thursday on MaximumFun.org. Tune in… if you dare! MWAHAHAHA! It’s actually a very thought provoking show that deeply explores the craft and philosophy behind the filmmaking process while also examining film through the lens of the female gaze. So, like, you should listen. Switchblade Sisters…
MAXIMUM FUN: MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience-supported.
OSCAR: [singing] How do you want it? How do you like it? Brihx by Brihx. Brihx! How do you want it? How do you like it? Drop it quick!
ALLIE: That was amazing.
MOUJAN: I would-- I was mesmerized.
JEREMY: All of these are going to be so good. That was so good.
ALDEN: That's great.
WINSTON: Oh, Brihx drop! I've always wanted to die to this.
EVERYONE: [laughter]
ALLIE: Well that’s perfect.