509: Tuck Ever 'Flacting [ft. Aparna Nancherla]
After an epic mission, the crew gets some R&R. Pleck gets invested. AJ has big perm energy. Nermut spends way too much time in the bathroom.
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NARRATOR: [contemplative music] Space. Some is chill. Some is tooped up. All is part of a great, infinite, cosmic ballet. The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace. [chorus joins into the music] Now, Lead Envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their Mission to Zyxx! [crawl swells]
[intro music, the crew is entering Bargie’s hatch]
AJ: Yo, we nailed that mission.
PLECK: Yeah, we really did. Yeah. I mean, you know, it was very weird to live an entire lifetime and then die and then wake up and it had only been like a half an hour. Like, when I was on the planet, I thought being on Bargie was a dream. And now it seems like my life on the planet was a dream! So, sorry, I just need a minute to adjust.
AJ: Yeah, some of these missions are a little weird.
BARGIE: I had fun on that one. That was great.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: I will say it was a wonderful break to be free of this frame for, essentially, a lifetime.
PLECK: Yeah, C-53.
AJ: Yeah, and so we were supposed to, like, understand that life is precious. Was that the goal of the mission? Like, what was the goal of that mission?
PLECK: Yeah, I think so. Did you learn how to play that flute?
AJ: Yeah. [plays flute]
PLECK: Yeah, oh, cool. Wow. Very nice.
C-53: Jazzy.
AJ: Yeah. I stick it in the slot of my helmet and play it.
PLECK: I didn't know it could do that.
AJ: Use the pressurized air… [plays a short flute solo]
BARGIE: Hey, Dar, did you get a new shirt? Looking good.
DAR: Oh, thank you for noticing. I did. I kind of spent a lifetime sewing it and then dying and then picking it right back up again. [stretches shirt]
AJ: Yeah, I'm still not quite sure what the point of the mission was. Like, we all just live a lifetime and die and now we're supposed to, I play a flute now?
C-53: AJ, they left that technology there for us to experience a lifetime on their planet so we wouldn't make the same mistakes they did.
BARGIE: No, we immediately came back and continued making the same mistakes.
AJ: Wait, we're supposed to be learning stuff from these missions? I thought it was, like, action, not morals.
PLECK: AJ, didn't it mean something to you to be in another civilization's shoes for a few decades? You had five sons!
BARGIE: You had five sons!
C-53: Oh, they were so obnoxious.
AJ: Yeah, I made a little boy band: My5Sons.
BARGIE: Pleck, you made your own religion.
PLECK: Yeah, well, it was pretty similar to the Space, but it was nice to be on top for once, you know?
AJ: It was a stupid mission, right? Like, what's going on?
BARGIE: Now, Dar, is your shirt sleeveless intentionally or you just never got around to the sleeves?
AJ: Oh, yeah, you never got to the sleeves.
PLECK: You know, there was a lot to do in that civilization.
DAR: Wow. Okay, so you managed to have five sons, you managed to create a religion, and I never got to the sleeves. [scratches arms] Because, yes, Bargie, you're right. These seams are unfinished!
PLECK: Okay.
[communicator beeps]
C-53: Crew, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignment, and Missions Envoy Associate Nermut Bundaloy.
PLECK: Hey, Nermut, what's up?
NERMUT: Hey, calling all cars, calling all cars. Come home. Come to the mothership.
PLECK: Nermut, I gotta say, that mission was pretty cool, but it feels like we haven't seen you in about 80 years.
NERMUT: Oh, yeah, you touched the machine thing there.
AJ: Yeah, I was like, how do I work this?
NERMUT: Wow, Dar, that’s... Whoa, what's up with the sleeves?
DAR: I'll get to them.
NERMUT: Never mind. Guys, you gotta put it in the old hyperspeed and get back to the Synergy, we have-
PLECK: We just finished a mission, Nermut.
NERMUT: It's not a mission. It's an update from the COUP about their progress on finding a way to get us home!
PLECK: [excited] What? Yes!
BARGIE: Home?
AJ: Let's do this!
PLECK: Nermut, Nermut, are you telling me that after 80 years, we're finally finding a way back home?
NERMUT: I gave you that mission this morning.
PLECK: Well, no, I just...
C-53: Nermut, you gotta appreciate our perspective.
NERMUT: You weren't supposed to use that machine.
PLECK: We didn't know what it did!
DAR: I'm sorry, we weren't supposed to use that machine?
AJ: Then what was the point of the mission? That's what I've been saying this entire time!
NERMUT: Listen, I am sympathetic because to you it feels like 80 years ago, but you definitely forgot the real mission, which was to pick up empty storage drums.
PLECK: Okay, fine, Nermut. So what's this update about getting back to the Zyxx Quadrant?
NERMUT: No, you have to come in for the update! Garbo is going to deliver it in person. It's gonna be so exciting.
PLECK: Alright.
NERMUT: Alright, I'm gonna be in the hangar with those two flashlight things.
PLECK: You don't have to do that.
NERMUT: Guide you in, see you in a bit!
PLECK: Yeah, you don't have to do that.
NERMUT: Love you guys.
AJ: He can only lift one of those, right?
NERMUT: I'm still on.
AJ: Oh, okay.
PLECK: See you later, Nermut.
NERMUT: Later!
[transition, the crew leaves Bargie and enters the hangar to a waiting Garbo]
GARBO: Hello and welcome!
PLECK: Hey, Garbo!
GARBO: Yes?
C-53: Garbo, greetings.
DAR: Hello, Garbo.
AJ: What's the update?
GARBO: Oh, Dar. Nice to see you.
DAR: [awkwardly] Very good. You are looking well.
GARBO: Thank you.
AJ: Oh, is it weird because they topped one another?
NERMUT: They what?
AJ: It's weird for me.
GARBO: We were so raw and vulnerable with each other.
DAR: It was incredibly raw and vulnerable.
GARBO: I have an update about our progress on getting you home to the Zyxx Quadrant.
AJ: Awesome, lock and download. Let's do it.
GARBO: I know it has been a long time when we have not had updates.
C-53: Yes, pretty much the entire time we have been here, yeah.
GARBO: We wanted to wait until we had significant news to tell.
PLECK: Yes, great.
[Garbo and the crew walk onto an elevator]
GARBO: But instead we are going to update you now.
PLECK: Uh, what is–
AJ: [excited] I’m liking how this is sounding!
PLECK: Wait, what does that mean?
GARBO: We have determined that it is possible to locate your home galaxy.
AJ: Yes!
PLECK: Great! Yes!
C-53: [thrilled] Garbo! This is amazing!
GARBO: And we have also definitively found that we cannot do it.
PLECK: What?
C-53: Those two statements are at odds with one another.
PLECK: What are you talking about?
GARBO: It is definitely possible, and not for us.
DAR: Okay, Garbo, I can't believe I have to do this, but what if I unbutton this button on the shirt? [fumbles with buttons] Now do you know?
PLECK: Well, that button just fell off.
GARBO: Is that… is that… it’s a different shirt.
AJ: It's badly made.
[The shirt slides off of Dar]
GARBO: It fell right on the floor.
DAR: I'll get that later, but does this help jog your memory to the location of Zyxx at all?
GARBO: No.
DAR: Okay. How about-- [all buttons fall off]
AJ: Whoa.
GARBO: Briefing complete.
[Garbo leaves]
PLECK: [sighs] Thank you, Garbo.
DAR: Nermut, did you know that this was the news?
NERMUT: No, I didn't.
AJ: Put the flashlights down.
NERMUT: Okay. Guys, I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you!
DAR: How.
NERMUT: We'll spend the day in the Reflactorium. Everyone can go to the Reflactorium.
DAR: Wait, what?
C-53: Nermut, we don’t use the Reflactorium in the way you a-
NERMUT: It's amazing. You can go wherever you want. You can do whatever you want.
AJ: We can do whatever we want?
NERMUT: Yeah.
AJ: Okay, that sounds pretty cool.
C-53: That does sound sort of fun.
PLECK: Maybe a day, maybe a little vacation would be fun, you know?
AJ: Can you be violent?
NERMUT: Sure.
AJ: Why haven't we been doing this the whole time?
PLECK: We are sort of overdue for, like, an extended fantasy in the Reflactorium.
NERMUT: The violent delights tend to have violent ends, but other than that–
AJ: Doesn't sound like anything to me.
PLECK: Hmm.
DAR: Okay, Nermut, show us all the roller coasters you've been building.
NERMUT: [typing on keypad] Woo-hoo, yes! Oh, Bargie, actually, you're not going to fit in the Reflactorium.
BARGIE: I was still here?
[transition, we’re on a majestic and ever expanding sea. Two creatures are sitting on a rock]
TASHA: Ah, what a magnificent and sunny day, Slasha. Such luck have we to be creatures half-fish, half-Tellurian.
SLASHA: [growling and slapping against walk]
TASHA: Don't be silly. Just because you are fish from the waist up and I from the waist down, you're no less surfer-turfer than I.
SLASHA: [growling]
TASHA: I think those pants look just fine on you. But if you must know my secret, it's this. StitchFix. Oh, shopping for clothes can be so daunting, Slasha. Even if you aren't two species gloriously merged by Rodd. You never know if things will fit. Returns are difficult. And you don't even know what store to start with. This season, let StitchFix do all the hard work. I have!
SLASHA: [growling]
TASHA: Great question. StitchFix offers clothing fin-selected by expert stylists for your unique size, style, budget, and portion of you that's fish. Every piece is chosen for your fit and your life. It's the easy solution to finding what makes you look, feel, and dive your best. StitchFix is where I got this insanely cute tank that's dressy enough for work but casual enough for kelp and a movie afterwards.
SLASHA: [growling]
TASHA: A fair concern, my friend, but StitchFix has free shipping, easy returns, and exchanges. And a prepaid return envelope is included. There's no subscription required. Try StitchFix once or set up automatic deliveries even here on this minute reef in the glorious Nepathir Ocean. Get started today at stitchfix.com/zyxx and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com/zyxx for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. Oh, you're right, Slasha. A ship approaches. Into the deep. They must always wonder if we're real.
SLASHA: [growling]
[the duo splash into the water]
[transition]
NERMUT: Okay, so when we get in there, you're going to pick from one of many, many programs, and then the Reflactorium will start the simulation, and you can make modifications. You can summon other characters, locations.
PLECK: All right.
NERMUT: And actually, I have one running now. I can show you as sort of an example.
PLECK: Oh my Rodd. Nermut, we don't want to see OptiSoft right now.
NERMUT: But--
PLECK: This is our chance to choose our own adventure, Nermut.
NERMUT: Yeah, yeah, you totally will. I just--I'm not at a save point. So we just need to go in for a couple minutes.
AJ: He's almost at a save point, we can’t… we gotta go.
NERMUT: It'll be super quick.
PLECK: What does that mean? What are you…
[Nermut furiously types and the Reflactorium generates an office landscape]
NERMUT: Welcome to your favorite software service company.
DAR: OptiSoft? That's not my favorite software services company.
AJ: What's your favorite?
NERMUT: What, Dar?
C-53: Oh, Quasarix all the way.
DAR: Exactly, Quasarix.
NERMUT: No.
C-53: I mean, have you ever used their software services? They're incredible.
DAR: Unparalleled.
AJ: Oh wait, is that the one that lets you sync to the cloud really easily?
DAR: Yes.
C-53: Also, Nermut, OptiSoft is just a simulation. Quasarix is a real company.
NERMUT: [grumbling] They have many lawsuits pending against them. They're baseless but exciting.
PLECK: Nermut, can we just get into our own Reflactorium and just have some fun? Our day has felt like 90 years!
NERMUT: I'd love to have this conversation Pleck, but I need everyone to fill out the NDAs on these pads first.
[Nermut hands pads to everyone]
PLECK: NDAs?
NERMUT: Well, yeah, you're gonna–
PLECK: Nermut!
NERMUT: I'm gonna show you behind the curtains.
PLECK: Who--Nermut, OptiSoft exists only in the-- It's a simulation that you made up.
DAR: Nermut, how long is this gonna take? When do we get a turn?
NERMUT: I'm so sorry. This simulation is so complex and random, so if I don't save everything, I'm gonna lose weeks of work.
AJ: [angry] Where are my violent delights?
C-53: [angry] And the violent ends!?
AJ: Yeah, both of them.
NERMUT: They will be here. They’re-
DAR: Where are the buttons that we just get to push at random?
NERMUT: I promise you, all of that is gonna happen. If you can just please hand your completed NDA to our wonderful temp named…
TUCK: Saarnen Tuck.
NERMUT: Right.
PLECK: Saarnen Tuck?
TUCK: Yeah. Thank you.
DAR: You're a temp in this fictional company?
TUCK: Yeah, I'm not permanently hired yet. [flips through papers]
PLECK: What?
C-53: Oh.
TUCK: I've only worked here for two days.
PLECK: Oh, okay.
NERMUT: But we have an amazing temp-to-perm pipeline.
AJ: Oh, that's good!
PLECK: [whispering] No, AJ, there's no pipeline. It's all a simulation.
AJ: But Saarnen's real, right?
PLECK: No, Saarnen is a hologram, just like everyone else in this office.
TUCK: I'm... I'm real.
AJ: Oh, yeah, no, no, 'cause I have learned that holograms are not real!
NERMUT: [pulling crew aside] Uh, guys, we have to have a little talk.
C-53: Nermut, how often do the temps here question their existence?
NERMUT: Only when outsiders mention it, okay? OptiSoft is built on teamwork.
PLECK: Ugh.
NERMUT: If we give the employees existential crises, it ruins the whole business model.
AJ: Ugh.
NERMUT: Please just play along till I can save. Please, please, please.
PLECK: Fine.
C-53: Okay. All right. Fair enough.
AJ: Okay. [exaggerated] Wow, temp-to-hire. Sounds great.
TUCK: Yeah.
PLECK: So, uh, Saarnen, um, what is it that you do in your off time when you're not temping?
TUCK: Well, I'm one of the top temps in the biz, which means--
AJ: Oh, wow. Congratulations.
TUCK: Thank you. Well, what that means is I work every minute of existence.
PLECK: Whoa. Uh, just one second, Saarnen. Nermut.
NERMUT: Yes? [sends off email]
PLECK: Is this just a backstory that's been procedurally generated for this character, or is there a simulation for each of--
NERMUT: Pleck, do you not know what a temp is?
PLECK: No, I know what a temp-- that's not--
NERMUT: It sounds like you don't.
TUCK: Uh, Mr. Bundaloy, um--
NERMUT: Yes, Saarnen?
TUCK: Permission to speak to you?
NERMUT: Of course, of course. Totally. No, that's-- I do make them do that, but it's not--
C-53: Why do you make them do that?
PLECK: [angry] That's your rule!?
NERMUT: Yeah, Saarnen's a temp.
TUCK: May I humbly inquire as to the status of the launch?
NERMUT: The launch… [realizing] Oh, my goodness!
PLECK: What launch, Nermut?
NERMUT: Thank you so much. We're gonna get you in that temp to perm-pipeline--
AJ: Saarnen’s the best!
NERMUT: [frantically typing] Sorry, I forgot we have a launch today, so I'm gonna actually have to step out.
PLECK: What?
NERMUT: Yeah. We're putting out version 11.2 of the API today, and I spaced that out because I was so excited about the Zyxx Quadrant stuff.
DAR: Why are you backing away from us? Where are you going?
NERMUT: I have to go to the C-suite. I'm just gonna pop out for, like, 15, 20, 45 minutes.
DAR: Pop out from what? From this?
PLECK: Where are you going? Where are you going? Is this in the same Reflactor-- What are you talking about?
DAR: Stop-- Do not skitter away from us right now.
NERMUT: You are in amazing hands with Sar--Suh, Suh…
TUCK: It's okay. You may call me whatever. Would you like me to small-talk our guests?
NERMUT: Yes. Yes, perfect. Thank you so much.
PLECK: Oh boy.
TUCK: My pleasure.
NERMUT: This is gonna be a great launch, guys. [Nermut skitters into an elevator]
C-53: Oh, my gosh.
DAR: [angrily] Wait a second. Where did that glass elevator just come from? Ah! Where is he going?
PLECK: The funny thing about that, Dar, is that, like, if this turns off, he's just gonna be standing right over there.
[transition, the crew is walking with Tuck]
AJ: Hey, Saarnen, can we see your desk?
TUCK: [typing] My knees are my desk.
PLECK: Oh, no.
C-53: Oh, Saarnen, that sounds awful.
TUCK: And when I need a surface, I crouch.
AJ: Why don't you have a desk?
TUCK: I'm temp.
DAR: Well, wait, this one here has a desk.
AJ: Yeah, she has a desk.
DAR: Why do you have a desk?
INTERN: Hi, I'm the head intern.
TUCK: Interns are perm. Temps are temp.
AJ: Okay.
PLECK: Yeah, I guess.
INTERN: I get full benefits.
PLECK: You're unpaid, but you get a desk and benefits?
INTERN: Uh-huh. I get paid in experience.
AJ: Okay.
PLECK: Hey, guys, we could be playing in a professional hotball league right now. We could be fighting Nognilk hand-to-hand on a fiery volcano!
C-53: Yeah, we're in the Reflactorium. We could be outlaws raiding settlements, you know?
PLECK: [annoyed] Yeah, Nermut said he just needed to save his progress. Why don't we just pause it, do our own thing, and then we'll restart!
TUCK: Permission to speak?
DAR: Oh!
TUCK: Well, I was taking notes on your conversation.
AJ: Oh, wow, yeah. Saarnen has minutes.
DAR: Oh, you didn't need to crouch and write on your little knees!
C-53: Yeah, Saarnen, you don't need to ask our permission to speak to us.
PLECK: Yeah, you can just talk to us any time you want.
TUCK: Oh, well, after pause, temp… [glitch] disappear.
DAR: I'm sorry. What?
C-53: [worried] Ooh. Oh no.
PLECK: But you'd be back when we restarted the program.
TUCK: No, temps never repeat. Once program ends, temp ends.
PLECK: [laughing] That wasn't even a complete sentence.
TUCK: If temp tried to talk about something forbidden [glitch], temp lose word.
C-53: Oh, wow, even the grammar algorithm starts to break down?! This is terrible.
PLECK: Saarnen, Saarnen this is…
AJ: She's not perm. What about this you guys don't understand?
PLECK: I guess I just thought that was a sort of a designation for her job. Saarnen, if we pause and restart this program, you will cease to exist?
TUCK: Correct.
AJ: And you don't get, like, health insurance?
PLECK: [laughing] Yeah, I don't think--
TUCK: Correct.
AJ: Oh, yikes. Hey, gang, I'm going to say this right now. We cannot shut this program off. We've got to get her to perm.
PLECK: Yeah, Saarnen, if we get you promoted to a permanent position here at OptiSoft, then even if we pause and restart the program, you'd still be here.
TUCK: Correct, correct.
PLECK: Well, that's great. All we have to do is figure out how to get Saarnen into the temp to perm… [freaking out] Toop, we're doing it! This is exactly what Nermut wants! He wants us to play in this stupid office building! [kicks wall]
C-53: Pleck, I understand that this is not a desirable situation for any of us, but all we have to do is get her promoted, right? How hard could that be?
PLECK: Yeah, it's just not what I wanted to do today…
C-53: Hey, you and me both, brother.
DAR: Definitely.
AJ: [excited] Saarnen, we're going to make you perm!
TUCK: Oh, my--gratituUude, gratitude.
[transition, Nermut enters the boardroom]
NERMUT: Fellow OptiSoft leaders, I am so excited to tell you that the code will be live in just a few minutes. We have 250 customers who are about to have their minds blown by API 11.2. Baby. I mean, it's twice the rapidity of socket connectivity than 0.1.
OPTIHEAD: [phone ringing] Sorry, sorry.
NERMUT: [sighs] Right. I mean, we were proud of 0.1. Are we proud of it today? No, we're proud of the doubling right now.
OPTILEAD: Speaking as someone who came from Quasarix, I just have to say I'm so happy to be here at OptiSoft.
NERMUT: Right? I honestly heard someone talking their praises today, and I was like, "Are you kidding me?" What version are they on? 2?
OPTILEAD: [laughs] 2?!
NERMUT: Am I right? Am I right?
[transition]
PLECK: Okay, so, Saarnen, let's get you promoted, huh? Should we--what do we start at? HR?
TUCK: Hmm… OptiSoft, the entire HR department, is temps.
PLECK: What? So they can't advocate for you at all?
TUCK: It protects the company from liability.
AJ: Classic.
PLECK: That's terrible.
TUCK: If you have an issue, you have to report to other temps who also have no power.
PLECK: [laughs] Oh. I mean--
C-53: That sounds pretty rough.
PLECK: Yeah, I feel like I've worked in a few places that are kind of like this. Surely there's someone, though, who can get you into the pipeline. Like, who's the first perm position that's above yours?
TUCK: Oh, that is Mr. Greg Gordon.
DAR: Greg Gordon? Greg Gordon, where--
AJ: Greg Gordon, show yourself!
DAR: Where are you, Greg Gordon? [opens a door]
GREG: Hi.
PLECK: Oh.
AJ: Oh, yeah.
GREG: Yes, I have two kids.
PLECK: Oh, hi.
GREG: I'm Greg.
GORDON: I'm Gordon.
C-53: Okay.
[the crew enters the office]
PLECK: Well, we just wanted to put in a good word for Saarnen here.
C-53: A very responsible and efficient temp.
GREG: Okay, let me check here. [typing] Looks like Saarnen's eval is coming up in just a couple months.
GORDON: Two shakes of a calendar.
AJ: Shut up! [upends table]
PLECK: You can't do that! You can't do that!
GREG: [intrigued] Ow. That's a perm move there.
C-53: That's a perm move?
PLECK: Oh, he's perm?
GORDON: Taking initiative.
PLECK: He doesn't even work here!
DAR: We're not here to promote him. We're here to promote…
DAR AND PLECK: Saarnen!
GREG: Oh, right. Saarnen Tuck.
GORDON: Saarnen.
TUCK: Greetings. Greetings.
PLECK: You know, Greg, Gordon, we really believe in Saarnen. We think that she's the future of OptiSoft, and we think you should give her some consideration for the temp to perm pipeline.
GREG: Amazing.
GORDON: There’s a confidence to her we didn't notice before.
GREG: She never had an entourage before. I've got to be honest.
GORDON: I'm sure she has friends.
GREG: Don't you think, Gordon, we can compress the timeline a little here? [typing]
GORDON: I think we can compress it down. Just a tinge. Just a tooge
GREG: Yeah, down to a month.
AJ: All right.
PLECK: A month?
AJ: A month?!
GREG: It was two months before, my guy.
PLECK: Uh-huh. Okay. [leads crew out] Guys, guys, listen. We can't wait a month for Saarnen to get promoted to perm!
C-53: Well, obviously. Listen, Saarnen, is a month at OptiSoft the same as a month outside the Reflactorium?
TUCK: Yes, unless you want to fast track it.
DAR: When you say fast track…does that mean fast forwarding the simulation?
TUCK: Yes.
PLECK: So we can just tell the simulation to skip ahead?
TUCK: Yes.
AJ: Wait, so we're time traveling?
PLECK: No, no.
AJ: [shouting] I'm not time traveling anymore, guys!
PLECK: AJ, we're not-
AJ: [angry] I don't do that shit!
C-53: You've got to loosen up a little bit about this.
PLECK: No, AJ, we're just--
AJ: No, I told you. No more timey-wimey stuff. I don't do that shit.
PLECK: No, AJ, it's more like skipping a cut scene.
C-53: Yeah, AJ, we're just going forward at an accelerated pace, okay?
AJ: [sighs]
PLECK: And, Saarnen, you will still be here when we stop, right?
TUCK: Correct.
AJ: Okay, I'll do it for Saarnen.
TUCK: You might see me accelerating through several tasks in the process.
PLECK: Uh, sure, that's fine. That's fine with us.
C-53: All right, computer, fast track program OptiSoft, maximum urgency, one month.
[Reflactorium hums]
TUCK: [accelerated speaking]
DAR: Whoa.
AJ: Whoa. Look how much Saarnen is doing.
C-53: This is terrible.
PLECK: She is here all the time.
AJ: Did you guys see her crying quietly at one point?
C-53: She's sleeping inside a file cabinet.
PLECK: Does she live at OptiSoft?
C-53: How much of this temp code is Nermut responsible for? Because we're going to have to have a real conversation about this.
TUCK: [fading back in]
PLECK: Saarnen! Saarnen, how is it going?
TUCK: I feel rejuvenated from the work.
PLECK: Oh, great. Let's see if it worked.
[knocking on door]
DAR: Greg Gordon?
PLECK: Greg Gordon?
[The crew enters]
DAR: Wow, okay, right there.
PLECK: Oh, right there.
GREG: Hello. Oh, the guy who kicked me in the head. I like you. Hey.
GORDON: Shows assertiveness.
C-53: [laughing] There's no reason you should like that.
PLECK: Well, it's been a month. Looks like it's time for Saarnen Tuck's review for the temp to perm pipeline!
GREG: [typing] Let's look at these time lapse footage of the tasks. Oh, very good, very good. Curled up nice and tight in that file cabinet.
C-53: And that's an admirable quality?
GREG: You don't want to take up too much space, precious file space.
PLECK: [irritated] Just get to the decision. Greg Gordon!
GREG: Not a lot of tears.
GORDON: Now the decision.
DAR: Yes, Gordon?
GREG: The good news is promotion approved!
PLECK: [happily] Yay! We did it! Amazing.
C-53: Congratulations.
DAR: Hold on, there's bad news.
GREG: The bad news is. It's not really up to us.
GORDON: We're just middlemen. We're in the middle. We're like a sandwich.
PLECK: Why did -- okay.
GORDON: We're the cream, wet cream of a sandwich.
GREG: Yes, sloppy.
PLECK: [confused] What kind of sandwich are you describing?
GORDON: A moist, wet cream sandwich.
AJ: Guys, it’s the sandwich that Saarnen brought.
PLECK: Oh no…
GORDON: A soggy sandwich…
GREG: You know, the middle of the sandwich, that real wet, wet, wet milk.
[Tuck enters and hands two bags to Greg Gordon]
TUCK: Here's your lunch, Greg, and here's your lunch, Gordon.
AJ: Oh, two wet cream sandwiches.
C-53: Dripping all over the floor.
GORDON: Just softly nibble it… [squelches into the sandwich]
DAR: Open your mouth.
PLECK: Open your mouth!
DAR: Why doesn't the software tell you to open your mouth?
GREG: You don't want to waste the slop when you can get it out in the outside!
AJ: The slop…
PLECK: Some of the corners of this simulation are weird.
C-53: Pleck, you've got to remember this simulation is trying to handle thousands of people at once, so, you know, it's going to kind of cream the details here and there.
[The crew walks out of the room]
PLECK: Ugh. Gross. Saarnen, we're going to get to the bottom of this.
DAR: No, we're going to get to the top of this. We need to take this further.
PLECK: Saarnen, we're going to get you promoted, whatever it takes. Who do we talk to next?
TUCK: There's 63 positions between Greg Gordon and the CEO.
C-53: Oh, boy.
PLECK: Well, I mean, this system works, right? We get the paperwork in the system, we set the schedule, we skip ahead, and bing, bang, boom.
AJ: Saarnen, what do you want to do, you know?
TUCK: I would like to head this company.
PLECK: [disbelief] You want to be the CEO of OptiSoft?!
TUCK: Yes.
C-53: Ooh, wow.
TUCK: This is all I know. I've never been beyond the walls of OptiSoft.
AJ: Awesome. Let's do it! [crushes can on head]
PLECK: Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
[transition]
[Nermut leaves a bathroom]
NERMUT: [washing hands and humming]
OPTILEAD: [angrily] Bundaloy!
NERMUT: Yes…
OPTILEAD: Where have you been? You haven't been here in a month.
NERMUT: Oh, ha-ha. I know I used the bathroom for a long time, but it's whatever.
OPTILEAD: Oh, sure. One launch tanks and you take off?
NERMUT: Tanks? What are you talking about? 11.2 is about to launch in three minutes.
OPTILEAD: That was the worst launch of OptiSoft's existence! You leave the launch and say you have to use the bathroom, and you come back a month later? Thanks for nothing!
NERMUT: Did somebody fast track this without my permission?
[fast-forwarding noise]
OPTILEAD: Well, well, well. Another couple months goes by and ol’ Nermut Bundaloy shows his face again!
NERMUT: They did it again!
OPTILEAD: You stand here like a statue for two months and expect to come back and run things? I don't think so, mister.
NERMUT: What is happening? Oh no…
[transition]
AJ: Saarnen!
TUCK: Yes.
AJ: This is working. You're not a perm yet, but we're going up the ladder for you.
TUCK: I feel more powerful. As temp ascends ladder, they gain more words.
[fast-forwarding noise]
TROLL: Now, of course, if you wish to be promoted, answer my riddles three.
PLECK: [confused] Oh, no. What? This person works at OptiSoft?
C-53: What division are you from?
TUCK: Oh, yes. Troll division.
PLECK: Oh, Rodd.
C-53: Maybe the fast tracking introduced some hiccups into the simulation.
TROLL: [distorted] Answer my riddle. Cross the bridge. [distort] promotion!
PLECK: Surely there's a shift change at some point. Maybe we can just fast-forward, wait it out.
TUCK: Yes. Trolls are here half the year.
PLECK: All right. Half the year, you say. No problem. Hit it!
[fast-forwarding noise]
TOAD: [creepily] Hello, I'm a creepy little toad. If you want a pass, you must kiss me on the lips.
AJ: Saarnen, is the other half of the year a creepy little toad?
TUCK: Correct.
AJ: Oh, okay.
C-53: I am going to need to see an org chart on this company.
[transition]
NERMUT: [skitters into boardroom] I want everyone to know that I've secured a majority of the members of this board who want me to stay in my position.
OPTIHEAD: [angrily] Pretty bold of you to show your face here at all, Bundaloy!
OPTICOO: It's been six months, Bundaloy. [hits table]
OPTIMANAGER: Do you know how much you cost us?
NERMUT: Listen, I may have been–
OPTINVESTOR: My OptiSoft shares have tanked. [tears up paper]
OPTIHEAD: Plummeted!
OPTINVESTOR: Should have invested in Quasarix! [runs out of room]
NERMUT: This is when all of our competitors and naysayers are doubting us. And this is when we come back from the ashes of--
[fast-forwarding]
NERMUT: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [screaming at sky] Decksetter!!!
[transition]
PLECK: Saarnen, this is the moment you've been waiting for! It's really happening!
TRAHL: And punch there.
PLECK: Wow. Check out that new ID badge! Saarnen!
TUCK: [thrilled] I'm perm!
PLECK: We did it!
DAR: We did it!
C-53: You made it!
PLECK: We only just skipped like two and a half years into the future of the simulation!
C-53: Uh, Pleck, it was a lot longer than that.
PLECK: Really?
C-53: Yeah.
TRAHL: We're so proud of you.
TUCK: Thank you so much, thank you so much. Uh, I'm just gonna take a five-minute break 'cause that's my first privilege as a perm. [opens fridge]
AJ: No, you can't break right now, Saarnen, we're just-
PLECK: No, AJ-
DAR: AJ, we should--
PLECK: She can take a break.
TUCK: But I'm so tired.
AJ: Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
DAR: Please.
C-53: Yeah, that makes sense.
DAR: Power down and dream of your cream sandwiches.
PLECK: Guys. Guys, listen. I know now that Saarnen will still be here if we pause and restart the program, but I don't know. I think let's get her to the top, right? We have to, that's what she wants to do, she wants to lead this company!
DAR: Wow, look at you. You, you! You're invested now.
PLECK: [excited] Yes! I think she's got some really good ideas for the company.
AJ: This is what I've been saying from the jump, Saarnen has been amazing.
DAR: And what's on the OptiSoft plaque?
AJ: Better software for a better world!
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: I think that applies.
PLECK: [laughing] Yeah, and I think Saarnen's the person who can take OptiSoft there to the next level! Saarnen, you're gonna run this company, we're gonna make it happen for you, Saarnen.
DAR: Saarnen, we are going to get you to the boss level!
PLECK: Yeah.
TUCK: Thank you so much.
DAR: [pulls on shirt] At what point did we all start wearing business casuals?
C-53: Yeah, why did we get these polos?
AJ: I love this little pull key card, though.
BIRDE: Hi there, I don't want to interrupt, I just want to say we're having a birthday for Stephanie-
PLECK: Yeah, we can’t, I don't know if we're–
BIRDE: In the main conference room!
AJ: Saarnen, do you want to attend this birthday or what? Do you want to fast forward?
TUCK: It would be my first birthday, I would be honored to attend.
PLECK: Okay, have a good time. Fast forward!
[fast forwarding, transition]
PLECK: Wow, look at this corner office.
AJ: Whoa, whoa, VP on the door, nice. I'm assuming that stands for very promoted.
[Pleck knocks on door and enters]
PLECK: Saarnen!
TUCK: Oh, hi guys.
PLECK: You're doing it!
TUCK: Yeah, would you like a balloon? [blows up balloon]
AJ: Oh, yeah! Look at this! All right!
DAR: I think you know your audience, yeah.
TUCK: Yes, I'm in charge of keeping spirits high, that's Vice President of Fun.
C-53: Well, Saarnen, you probably know a lot about what makes people feel better.
TUCK: I do, cream sandwich anyone?
C-53: Oh, uh, no.
AJ: Is that… is that…
PLECK: I'm good.
AJ: Yeah, this is a giant plate of cream sandwich.
PLECK: Is that a BicBoc table over there? You got a BicBoc table in the office?
AJ: Wow, BicBoc tables and cream sandwiches, pretty fun.
PLECK: Yeah, it's pretty fun.
[Clown pops head in and begins honking]
CLOWN: Did someone say a clown?
PLECK: Oh.
DAR: No, in fact, no one said clown.
AJ: No one said clown…
CLOWN: Did someone say a clown?
PLECK: Is this an office clown?
TUCK: Yep, yep, this is our clown. Who would like a clown dance?
C-53: Oh, not a dance, that's no.
PLECK: Saarnen…
CLOWN: Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah. [honking]
DAR: Clown, no one asked for the dance.
PLECK: Of all the services a clown can render, a dance is last on the list.
CLOWN 2: Did someone need another clown?
PLECK: No, no, no.
CLOWNS: [singing] Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah.
PLECK: Sorry, are these guys freelancers that are just here for the day or are they like on the payroll?
CLOWN 2: We're contractors.
PLECK: Okay. Thank Rodd, I thought you were going to say they were perm.
TUCK: Uh, no, clowns are never perm.
PLECK: Okay, good. At least this company is still running the way it should. Another fast track, folks? Yeah? Here we go.
[fast forwarding]
NERMUT: [skittering frantically] Pleck, Dar, AJ! Mr. Fleshman, where are you? Maybe they're here in the server room. [opens door] Has anybody seen a motley crew of hapless but–
OPTINVESTOR: There he is! Get him!
OPTILEAD: You have a lot of nerve showing your face in here, Bundaloy.
OPTIHEAD: That’s the guy that ruined the company!
OPTICOO: We don’t like you, your music stanks!
ABIGAIL: [shouting] He's not a lird, he's a turd! Turd, turd, turd, turd, turd!
TOOP MY NUTS GUY: Abigail, excellent wordplay.
NERMUT: You were here!?
TOOP MY NUTS GUY: I've been here. You haven't, so you can toop my nuts, brother.
NERMUT: Sir, there's not a nut I wouldn't toop in order to serve this company.
TOOP MY NUTS GUY: That's what I requested!
NERMUT: Oh boy. Pleck!!!
AJ: Wow, Saarnen, only 43 years ago you were on the bottom, and now you're in the top.
DAR: I can't believe we played this game for 43 years.
PLECK: It feels like a lifetime.
AJ: Wow, looking in your office, seeing all these different awards that we never saw you get, these, like, kind of magazine write-ups.
[Tuck pours a glass of whiskey]
TUCK: [solemnly] Do you enjoy my metal sculptures?
PLECK: Um, yeah. Yeah, they seem fine. They're a little harsh.
TUCK: Well, they are made of temps.
PLECK: [horrified] Is that, what?
TUCK: They're made of former temps who have been recycled.
PLECK: Oh, no, wait.
C-53: Oh my Rodd, really?
PLECK: Saarnen, does OptiSoft still have a temp program?
TUCK: Yes, temps are what this company is built on, literally. [sips drink]
PLECK: Oh, Saarnen.
C-53: You don't love to hear that.
PLECK: Saarnen, we helped you up from the bottom, you gotta help the people below you who are in the same position you used to be in. You could give back to your company and your employees! You can stop executing temps when they run out of usefulness.
TUCK: But, uh, but I thought that's what you do.
PLECK: No.
TUCK: You get to the top and then you make sure no one can touch you.
AJ: I mean, that is what people at the top do.
C-53: Pretty frequently the move…
PLECK: And that is sort of what we did. We did sort of game the system so that the person we wanted in power rose to power.
AJ: Yeah! It's crazy that this backfired on us.
C-53: I guess we should have seen this coming.
SECRETARY: Do not go in there!
[Nermut skitters into the room]
NERMUT: Ah! You tooping juckers, you've been--
DAR: [terrified] Ah, he found us!
PLECK: Ah, Nermut!
NERMUT: You've been fast tracking all the time! Do you realize the heat that's coming down on me from the board? You've tanked four launches!
DAR: [pissed] We actually have a lot to talk about, Nermut Bundaloy!
PLECK: Yeah, Nermut!
TUCK: Nermut Bundaloy.
NERMUT: Oh, Saarnen.
TUCK: Your reports have shown suboptimal productivity for years.
NERMUT: Saarnen is above me?
DAR: CEO, baby.
TUCK: I'm sorry, but we have to let you go. [buzzes security in]
NERMUT: Oh. Wh-- What?
AJ: This is awesome.
NERMUT: No, I am walking out right-- Wait, my key card doesn't work.
TUCK: You have been deactivated from the system.
NERMUT: Give me a break, Saarnen! I have been nothing but devoted in my role.
TUCK: You have only been at work three days in the last 43 years.
NERMUT: [angry] No, that's because these jokers were fast tracking over and over and over!
PLECK: Nermut, Nermut, in our defense, the temp-to-perm pipeline is way too long.
NERMUT: Well, you try running a company that's trying to unionize!
PLECK: THAT’S what the…?
C-53: Woooow.
PLECK: [tranquil anger] Nermut… Fire him. Get him out of here.
NERMUT: You gotta use temps!
AJ: Oh, wow, those guys are coming with a banker box. You gotta put all your shit in there.
PLECK: Yeah, you gotta get out of here, man.
NERMUT: Saarnen…
PLECK: Oh, security's here.
TROLL: Yes, answer my riddles three before I throw you out.
NERMUT: Oh, no!
AJ: Oh, the toad and the troll got promoted to security. Good to know!
TOAD: We're also in a long-term relationship!
NERMUT: Oh, come on.
TROLL: That six months away was really good for us!
NERMUT: Is that the toad from my screensaver?
TUCK: My new policy is to encourage inter-office romance as much as possible.
NERMUT: [confused] Encourage?!
PLECK: Oh, that's nice.
AJ: Why is that, Saarnen?
TUCK: So that new workers may be bred on office premises.
PLECK: Oh, that seems maybe a little bit–
TOAD: AND I'm pregnant!
TROLL: I'm going to have to escort you away.
[The toad grabs Nermut and begins pulling Nermut]
NERMUT: [struggling] No, no! This little toad is strong. Saarnen, you know how many nuts I tooped to prove my devotion to this company?
[Nermut is dragged off]
TUCK: I'm indebted to you for helping me ascend the corporate ladder. For your help, I would like to reward you.
AJ: Oh, okay!
TUCK: Let me get one of the toads to bring you a couple swag bags. [buzzes in toads]
PLECK: Oh, okay.
AJ: Oh, awesome!
C-53: Swag bags from the toads.
PLECK: Okay, Saarnen, just to be clear, once we leave the Reflactorium, these cease to exist, right?
TUCK: Correct.
PLECK: Okay. Yeah, I don't need one.
AJ: These are great, though. Look, you got an Opti-Soft hat.
PLECK: I don't need any of this.
AJ: A flash drive. These are awesome.
DAR: Wow, a koozie.
PLECK: Oh, cool.
AJ: Saarnen, I guess I wonder, when you were a temp, you didn't seem very happy. Are you happy now?
TUCK: You know, I have all this power and all this control, but I think I was happier when I was a temp.
C-53: [sadly] Oh no.
AJ: Cool. Well… [excitedly grabs out of bag] oh, a mug! There's a mug in here!
[transition]
[We hear the ambience of a ship at sea]
BOSTRO: Grestin! Grestin, are you awake? Grestin?
GRESTIN: [groans] I am now, Bostro. What is it?
BOSTRO: Well, Grestin, I can't sleep. I keep hearing the captain in my head yelling, "Speed to flank!" But I'm stuck on the afterbrow with a mizzenmaster back, and what do I spy but an oxeye forming straight astern. Then, then I remember I'm on anchor watch. But suddenly I can't tell a capstan from a bollard, so we're in ripe danger of being bilged. Then, Grestin, pow, two mammoth rock spires are athwart ships narrower than the beam! I guess I think I'm feeling what landlubbers call stress.
BOSTRO: Right. Sounds like you're in need of an escape.
GRESTIN: Yeah.
BOSTRO: Which is hard to come by on these high and stormy seas of Napathar. Enter Dipsea.
GRESTIN: Dipsea. Oh, right, like a reverse blackwall hitch on a jack line. No, no, no, a midshipman's hitch on a mainsheet.
BOSTRO: Bostro, Dipsea's no rope tie!
GRESTIN: It's k-not?
BOSTRO: I see what you did there, you baggy wrinkle. No, it's an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on. Drop your compass and let yourself get lost in a world where good--
GRESTIN: Oh, I..I dropped it.
BOSTRO: No, that's a figure of speech. Drop your compass and let yourself get lost in a world where good things happen. And where your pleasure, Bostro, is the only priority.
GRESTIN: The priority? Even here below decks’s, not running ashore, rendered flotsam, clinging here, gin pole, with master and commander floating right next to you like a cork breast, and that's the priority.
BOSTRO: Oh, how you need sleep, wee deckhand. Dipsea also has wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories, and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off in your soggy bunk.
GRESTIN: Bedtime stories?
BOSTRO: Aye.
GRESTIN: Like, "Oh, the tale of Bolly the ballast tank cat was a tale of--"
BOSTRO: No, no, better stories than that, even.
GRESTIN: Okay.
BOSTRO: And get this, Dipsea's offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to Dipseastories.com/six.
GRESTIN: Zyxx? Is that a nautical term I don't know?
BOSTRO: No, no, it is a foul, barnacle-encrusted quadrant teeming with privateers. That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to Dipseastories.com/zyxx. Dipseastories.com/zyxx.
GRESTIN: Filthy quadrant. Oh.
BOSTRO: No.
[transition]
AJ: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty proud of Saarnen. The way she fired you, Nermut, and kicked all of us out, pretty awesome.
PLECK: AJ, that was terrible. We put decades of work in! That was just like our mission yesterday.
AJ: Right!
PLECK: Except we didn't learn a thing. All we learned was that power corrupts.
DAR: They took back all of our key fobs.
NERMUT: Yeah, well, the company is in bankruptcy.
AJ: Yeah.
PLECK: Listen, Nermut.
NERMUT: Yeah?
PLECK: I know we all came in and really ruined what you spent a lot of weeks trying to build here.
NERMUT: Yes, you certainly did.
AJ: But to be fair, it sucked. [laughs]
NERMUT: [sighs] Well, you should be happy now. There's basically nothing left of it.
PLECK: Yeah. Nermut, I'm sorry.
NERMUT: I guess there's–[unwraps package] well, there is this cream sandwich.
PLECK: Oh, put that down. Don't--don't eat that, Nermut.
NERMUT: Okay. [throws away sandwich] Might as well burn it down. [sighs] Computer, terminate program OptiSo–
[An engineer walks up to Nermut]
ENGINEER: Excuse me. Hello.
PLECK: Hi.
C-53: Hi.
ENGINEER: Are you-- Are you the Nermut Bundaloy?
NERMUT: Yes.
C-53: I mean, technically, he's a Nermut Bundaloy, but--
NERMUT: [depressed] I was just going to shut down the OptiSoft program for the final time.
ENGINEER: Ah. I am an engineer at OptiSoft. And I have been a big, big fan of your career. You started OptiSoft's R&D department 43 years ago.
NERMUT: Thank you, well, we’re shutting it-
ENGINEER: And finally, our work is done.
NERMUT: Wait, so you all fast-tracked 43 years. So you've done 43 years of R&D?
ENGINEER: Every day, full of work.
NERMUT: [realizing] Tomak Bardlow?
ENGINEER: That's who I am.
NERMUT: You were just out of college when I hired you.
ENGINEER: I know. Now I've lived a full life!
PLECK: [tired] Nermut, just end the program. We've got to get out of here.
NERMUT: Okay, sorry..
ENGINEER: You are remarkable, and you should play more music.
PLECK: Okay, this is clearly--
NERMUT: We should hear this person out. What kind of engineer are you?
ENGINEER: Because of your hard work and generous funding, I've spent 43 years researching! [pulls out papers] And today, we have finally unlocked the secrets of transgalactic travel.
NERMUT: That's great. Well--
PLECK: Sorry, what?
NERMUT: Computer, terminate program–
DAR: [frantic] No no no no, Nermut!
PLECK: [frantic] Nermut, stop! What are you doing? Stop. Did you hear that person?
NERMUT: Not really.
PLECK: Transgalactic travel. Nermut, we can get back to the Zyxx quadrant.
AJ: Whoa.
DAR: Oh, yeah.
C-53: Alright!
NERMUT: That's amazing.
PLECK: Yeah. Nermut, you did it! You did it, buddy.
NERMUT: [laughing] Yeah. OptiSoft was worth it after all!
AJ: This calls for a little–[flute plays]
C-53: Oh, wow.
PLECK: Ooh yeah, AJ! All right.
NERMUT: Who's the loudest flutist? Who's the loudest flutist?
PLECK: Toot that flute. Toot that flute.
NERMUT: Loudest, flutist. Loudest, flutist.
PLECK: Toot that flute! Optisoft!
PLECK AND NERMUT: OptiSoft!
DAR: You know, I'd still bet Quasarix had something to do with it.
[outro crawl slowly unwinds into the ambience of a boat. C-53 is talking to a sea captain over the phone]
SEA CAPTAIN: You know what you did. But you got a great energy about you right now. I don't know what it is. I forgive you for one of the things.
C-53: Wow, even that…
SEA CAPTAIN: But I'm not going to forgive you for the other bigger thing.
C-53: I understand.
SEA CAPTAIN: And this is where I leave you.
[Sea Captain enters quarters]
EVIL DAR: So sad, isn't it?
SEA CAPTAIN: [frightened] What? What in the stormy seas? Who are you?
EVIL DAR: I'm just another salty dog that's been wrung by that C-53. Shame that you can never truly forgive them, right?
SEA CAPTAIN: Aye, never. Probably never. Unless…
EVIL DAR: No, no. Follow that. Follow that feeling. Because you know what feels better than forgiveness? Revenge.
SEA CAPTAIN: Revenge, you say?
EVIL DAR: Oh, yeah. It's the only way, Captain.
[metal music]
SINGERS: KOR BALEVORE!
C-RED-IT5: This is C-RED-IT5, credits and attributions droid, commencing outro protocol. Pleck Decksetter and Boatswain Grestin were played by Alden Ford. Lead Envoy C-53 and the Toop My Nets guy were played by Jeremy Bent. Dar, the Surfer Turfer, and the Troll were played by Allie Kokesh. Bargie the Ship, Gordon, the Toad, and the OptiSoft Engineer, Tomek Bardlow, were played by Moujan Zolfaghari. Nermut Bundeloy, Garbo, Greg, and Deckhand Bostro were played by Seth Lind. AJ and the Sea Captain were played by Winston Noel. Saarnen Tuck was played by special guest Aparna Nancharla. Aparna is an actor and stand-up comedian who has appeared on many shows, including Inside Amy Schumer, BoJack Horseman, Corporate, Space Force, and her own episode of Netflix's The Stand-Ups. Follow her on Twitter @Aparnapkin. This episode was edited by Seth Lind, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAME's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.
TRE’VELL: Hey there beautiful people, did you hear that good, good news?
JARETT: Something about the baby Jesus?
TRE’VELL: Mmm, he's coming back!
JARETT: Or do you mean the fact that Apple Podcasts has named Fanti one of the best shows of 2020?
TRE’VELL: I mean, we already knew that we was hot stuff, but a little external validation never hurts, okay?
JARETT: Hosted by me, writer and journalist Jarett Hill.
TRE’VELL: And me, the ebony entrantress myself. Tre’vell Anderson.
JARETT: Fanti is your home for complex conversations about the grey areas in our lives. The people, places, and things we're huge fans of, but got some anti-feelings toward.
TRE’VELL You name it, we Fanti, and nobody's off limits.
JARETT: Check us out every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your slay-worthy audio.
GRIFFIN: We have wasted this world. Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of the earth a place of fear. And storms render the surface of our planet uninhabitable. But beneath the surface, well, that's another story entirely. In a city built leagues below the apocalypse, survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world. Some seek salvation for their homeland above. Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls. Others still seek, what else? Fortune and glory. Dive into the Ethersea, the latest campaign from the Adventure Zone. Every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts.
MAXIMUM FUN: MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.
SETH: Anybody seen a temp around? I need someone to ice these clowns. Ice down these clowns.
JEREMY: What do they need ice for?
SETH: They're sore from the dance.
MOUJAN AND ALLIE: [clown wailing]
WINSTON: Are you foreshadowing?
MOUJAN: Oh yeah, it's foreshadowing.
SETH: They’re sore from the- It'll make sense. It'll sure make sense later.
ALLIE: Ooh, ah!
ALDEN: Oh man, that's the wailing lament of a-
ALDEN AND JEREMY: -dancing clown.
ALLIE: Ooh, ah. Ooh, I'd retire, but I'm temp!