L13: Past Times at Ranguu High [LIVE ft. Ify Nwadiwe]
Just moments after agreeing to rule the galaxy, the crew is sent on … One. More. Mission. Pleck reunites with an old enemy. Bargie sells NFJs. C-53 meets his son?! Recorded LIVE at Sketchfest 2023 in San Francisco.
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[cheers and applause]
ALDEN: [shouting] Hey, everybody! How's everybody doing? Yeah! Happy Sketchfest.
[cheers and applause]
ALDEN: I want to introduce our crew here, and then we'll get started, right? Okay. Coming up before me is our-- not one, but two sound Rodds tonight. We have Shane O'Connell, master sound designer on Mission to Zyxx! We have Sean Doyle helping out tonight as well.
[cheers and applause]
ALDEN: Let's get the crew out here. I'm Alden Ford. I play Pleck Decksetter on the show. Hello! [cheers and applause] Next up is C-53 protocol droid, Jeremy Bent. [cheers and applause] Next up, ship of the stars, dreamer of the land, it's the Bargarean Jade Moujan Zolfaghari! [cheers and applause] Reclusive singer-songwriter Bermut Nundaloy, Seth Lind! [cheers and applause] Super soldier AJ-2884 has recently gone ultra after drinking his father, Winston Noel! [cheers and applause, laser blaster] All right, all right. And we're very excited to welcome our special guest tonight. We're big fans. Please welcome out Ify Nwadiwe! [cheers and applause, guitar riff] Allie Kokesh could not be here with us, but she's thinking about us. She's here in spirit. We will pass along your love to her. [cheers and applause] Yes. So... Well, first of all, you should know, our show is over. [laughter] Not this show, not this show. Don't leave, don't leave! We are going to set this show after the events of the season 5 series finale. [cheers and applause] And since this is a brand-new episode, we're in a completely new world here. We don't have a crawl from Jeremy Crutchley, so I am going to provide a little recap during the crawl music, and then we'll get started. You guys ready to start the show? [cheers and applause] All right. Shane, whenever you're ready.
[dramatic music]
ALDEN: [reading rapidly] Mission to Zyxx is an improvised science fiction podcast following the mission adventures of an intrepid crew of interplanetary emissaries-- naive farm boy Pleck Decksetter, know-it-all protocol droid C-53, lizard-bird bureaucrat Nermut Bundaloy, hulking omnigendered alien Dar, defected clone trooper AJ-2884, former movie star and sentient starship the Bargarean Jade, angsty teenager Justin Ballwheat, and Beano, a magical bean with nipples who turns out to be the all-knowing caretaker of the galaxy! It's like a workplace comedy in space. In season 1, the crew were ambassadors for the Galactic Alliance. In season 2, they defected and fought against the Federated Alliance. In season 3, they were hunted by, but ultimately victorious against, the evil emperor of the galaxy. And in the series finale, Pleck fulfilled his ancient prophecy, defeating the evil wizard Kor Balevore while restoring balance to the galaxy, after which the crew decided to lead the galaxy themselves. That's all you need to know about Mission to Zyxx! [cheers and applause]
[intro music]
MUSTACHE MAN: But I guess I'd prefer not to have a mustache.
SHAVING ELF: Ooh, a mustache! Don't mind if I do! Ooh!
C-53: That one sounds sick.
PLECK: You know, guys, I gotta say, I love "Shaving Elves" as much as the next guy, but I feel like we kind of just made a pretty big decision to lead the galaxy. I'm sorry, can we--
C-53: Maybe we should shut it off for now.
PLECK: Maybe we should just-- we've come back to it.
AJ: Aww!
PLECK: No, come on, AJ.
AJ: Why?
PLECK: No. We'll watch-- we'll watch "Shaving Elves" later.
BARGIE: Also, wow, Pleck, spoiler alert.
PLECK: What?
AJ: Yeah. Those elves get shaved?
PLECK: That's the plot of the-- that's the premise of the show.
AJ: Of "Shaving Elves"?
C-53: Yeah. I mean, it's the title of the show.
NERMUT: But you're sort of left wondering during each episode, is this the one where they won't shave?
AJ: I'm also, like, now that I think about it, it's maybe, like, the journey? Like...
C-53: It's less important if the elves get shaved or not. It's so much about, like, why are they getting shaved, you know?
AJ: Right. So, wait, we're running the galaxy now?
PLECK: No, we're going to. I don't know. I mean, we just decided.
AJ: All right!
C-53: Yeah.
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: All right, good. [fires wildly]
PLECK: Okay, AJ, AJ, AJ. Stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop.
BARGIE: That’s inside of me!
C-53: Careful, careful.
AJ: What do we want to do?
PLECK: Yeah, I mean, well, I think the first thing we have to do is we kind of have to--
AJ: Edicts.
BARGIE: What?
PLECK: What?
AJ: We need to make edicts.
PLECK: Where did you--
C-53: AJ, where did you learn that word?
BARGIE: What?
NERMUT: He's reading his hand.
AJ: [slowly] We need to make edicts and by… law.
PLECK: Okay, all right.
C-53: You've been studying up, I'm proud of you, AJ.
BARGIE: Listen, listen, you know, people are like, once you get into power, you become the leader of the universe or whatever they say, it changes you. I don't think it's changed me. I think I'm the same Bargie I've ever was.
PLECK: Yeah.
BARGIE: Which is why I'm pulling together all the kroon we have and investing in NF Jucks.
PLECK: [upset] No, no, Bargie--
AJ: What's an NF Juck?
BARGIE: It's a non-fungible Juck.
C-53: Okay.
AJ: I'm sold. Let's do it. How much kroon are we talking here?
PLECK: I don't know a lot about it. I feel like I pretty confident you should not do that.
C-53: AJ, if you're understanding, if this is just what you were just told, you absolutely should not invest--
AJ: But if somebody powerful is telling me, shouldn't I do it?
PLECK: No, no, no, I don't think so.
C-53: He's really bred to obey.
PLECK: All right, well, listen, I mean, I don't know, maybe we should leave this up to Nermut, but I sort of feel like we should sit around and talk--
[communicator beeps]
BARGIE: Nermut, you’re in the ship.
C-53: Nermut, are you calling us from inside the ship?
NERMUT: Yeah, well, it's-- I just miss the old days of calling in, so now I'm in calling.
PLECK: Nermut, you're right here.
NERMUT: I know, but--
AJ: [shouting] Now we're done with that shit! We're not doing missions!
C-53: Whoa, AJ, what?
AJ: We're done with that shit!
PLECK: AJ, whoa, don’t…
NERMUT: Shit?
[AJ charges blaster]
PLECK: Careful. I mean, AJ's right, though.
NERMUT: No, no, no, okay, don’t--
BARGIE: It's inside of me. You are inside of me.
NERMUT: No, I turned on the Missionator, and I found, like, one last mission is rattling around in there.
MISSIONATOR: Welcome to the Missionator!
PLECK: But--no, Nermut--
C-53: Why'd you even turn on the Missionator? We're done.
PLECK: Yeah, Nermut, we're--
AJ: [angry] We're done with that shit!
PLECK: I mean, AJ's right. Nermut, we're not doing missions anymore.
C-53: We don’t need to-
AJ: We're powerful! We're just gonna be telling people to buy… NF…
C-53: Jucks.
BARGIE: Non. Fungible. Jucks. Also, Dar just left.
PLECK: Yeah, where is Dar?
C-53: Yeah.
[door opens]
CREW: Oh.
BARGIE: Oh, that's what Dar is doing.
PLECK: Oh wow, they’re in the other ship..
NERMUT: They're making out with evil Dar.
C-53: Yeah, you can just make 'em out on the Kulatta over there. I mean, good for them.
PLECK: That checks out--yeah, I'm happy for 'em.
AJ: [angry] I mean, Dar's done with missions and shit, you know?
PLECK: I mean, yeah, Dar gets it, honestly.
NERMUT: Did you guys miss the fact that there's literally a mission in the Missionator?
PLECK: Who cares? Who cares?!
AJ: [shouting] We’re DONE with that shit!
C-53: [confused] Who PUT it there?!
NERMUT: What?
PLECK: Nermut, we call the shots now. We get to say whether we go on missions. The computer doesn't tell us.
C-53: Nermut, take the mission off the mission.
JUSTIN: Also, I’m Justin and I’m also here!
PLECK: Okay, yeah, Justin, okay.
AJ: Justin, we know you're here.
PLECK: Thank you, Justin.
JUSTIN: WhaaaAat.
NERMUT: Okay, we're gonna pull it up, and we've got it here. Oh. It's in sort of a digital envelope.
PLECK: [exhausted] I swore to myself I would never say these words ever again. What's the mission, Nermut?
NERMUT: Ah, music to my tiny ears.
AJ: Wait, you have ears?
NERMUT: They're kind of holes.
AJ: Okay.
NERMUT: I mean, they're not, you know…
PLECK: It’s a… generous term.
NERMUT: Yeah, well, this is--oh, goodness. An invitation to Pleck Decksetter. Okay.
PLECK: Wait, the mission is an invitation to me?
NERMUT: Yeah, and it says you are cordially invited to your ten-year reunion on Rangus VI.
PLECK: No, no, no.
BARGIE: Yep, yep.
PLECK: I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.
C-53: [mischievously] I've changed my mind. I'm 100% on board for this mission.
PLECK: First of all, first of all… No, what?
AJ: Yeah, this sounds like it's gonna rule. Let's do this.
PLECK: No, first of all, it's not a mission. Secondly, I'm not going.
AJ: We're not doing missions anymore. We're doing reunions.
PLECK: No.
NERMUT: Yeah.
BARGIE: Right.
JUSTIN: Hey, Pleck, at least you, like, literally went to high school.
NERMUT: Oh, right.
JUSTIN: Like, I didn't get anynnny of the exparience.
PLECK: Sorry, you didn't--what?
JUSTIN: I didn't get any of that exparience. I was homeschooled.
AJ: What?
NERMUT: I didn't get that either.
PLECK: Yeah, I still get--
JUSTIN: I said I went to homeschool.
C-53: Went to home school.
PLECK: Home school.
NERMUT: Oh, inside the--
JUSTIN: [upset] My parents are dead!
C-53: Yes. Yes.
PLECK: Sorry, Justin.
AJ: I guess I kind of went to school. I watched, uh, propaganda for, like, hours.
C-53: Honestly, depending on the high school… not that different
PLECK: Yeah, pretty similar.
NERMUT: The RSVP option is only yes, so I don't know.
PLECK: Delete the email.
AJ: Let's do it.
PLECK: No, listen, guys, guys, listen. I don't want to get into that, but, like, I didn't have a great experience in high school, okay?
BARGIE: Oh, wow, surprising.
C-53: Oh, really?
AJ: Wait, no, really? You didn't have one? But you're, like--
NERMUT: Say it.
AJ: You know, you're great.
[audience awws]
NERMUT: Aw.
C-53: That's very charitable.
PLECK: Thanks. Thanks, AJ.
AJ: Wait, what's high school?
PLECK: Okay.
NERMUT: And yes.
PLECK: Oh no! Nermut.
AJ: Let's do it. That sounds great.
[dramatic music]
[applause, Bargie lands on a planet]
C-53: You know, Pleck, you've described Rangus VI, but in person, it's--
PLECK: Yeah, a lot of farms, right?
C-53: I was gonna say even worse, but yeah, a lot of farms.
PLECK: Oh, yeah. It's not great.
C-53: Yeah.
AJ: It's just one of those planets that everyone's, like--
C-53: I'm good.
AJ: Yeah.
C-53: Yeah.
AJ: It's like a flyby.
PLECK: Yeah, that's a--
C-53: It’s a real--
PLECK: Sort of a flyover planet.
C-53: Yeah.
AJ: Yeah, flyover planet.
BARGIE: Hey, crew, I found some really weird-looking ships in the field, so I'm gonna go hang out with them.
PLECK: Okay, all right.
C-53: You sure, Barge?
BARGIE: Yeah.
C-53: Okay.
AJ: They're pretty rusty, and… okay.
PLECK: Okay, so--
C-53: Pleck, is it gonna be a problem that you're bringing, you know, a bunch of extra people to your reunion?
PLECK: No, I need this, C-53. I need to be able to say, "Here's my best friend-
NERMUT: [chiming in] Nermut!
PLECK: -one of the smartest robots in the world."
NERMUT: [sadly] Oh.
C-53: That's very nice.
AJ: Yike.
C-53: Oh, Nerm-
NERMUT: [unconvincingly] I was just saying my name out loud.
PLECK: [sympathetic] Best friend is a category. It's not a POSITION.
AJ: Okay, everybody remember what the mission is. Kick ass and sell NFJs.
PLECK: No, okay.
C-53: No…
JUSTIN: Also get a high school education.
C-53: Oh.
NERMUT: Oh, Justin, hey.
C-53: Yeah, Justin, they don't teach anything at the reunion.
NERMUT: Yeah.
JUSTIN: Waaaait.
C-53: Yeah. The reunion--
JUSTIN: Thas juckt up!
C-53: Yeah.
AJ: Wait, what did you say?
JUSTIN: Thass jucked up!!
C-53: It's just former students of the high school come back to sort of reminisce about their time at the high school.
JUSTIN: Tha literally mad no senstome.
C-53: Okay, that one. I lost that one.
PLECK: Yeah, I didn't get that one.
[The crew walks up to a greeter]
GREETER: Alright. Hi, welcome to Rangus.
PLECK: Thank you.
GREETER: What are your names? Who are you? Thank you.
PLECK: It's Pleck Decksetter, class of 3E.
GREETER: Plecko!
PLECK: Yeah, it's me.
GREETER: Hold up.
PLECK: It's me. It's Pleck.
GREETER: You look-- You look like the same, but sadder.
[laughter]
AJ: Oh, yeah, I see it.
[laughter]
PLECK: I mean, it's only been 10 years. It hasn't been--
AJ: What a 10 years it's been, though, am I right?
PLECK: I guess so.
AJ: I'm only 7.
GREETER: Well, here's your name tag.
PLECK: Thank you, thank you.
GREETER: And I didn't know you were bringing plus 4, but you can.
PLECK: [laughing] Great.
NERMUT: Nice.
C-53: Oh, thank you.
GREETER: Yeah, not many people came, so we kind of need the bodies.
PLECK: Oh, great.
GREETER: But Toony Tine is in there, Yafarin is in there, Marisha's in there.
PLECK: I don't know any of these people. I don't remember any of these people.
GREETER: Caroline the Soup is in there.
AJ: Caroline the Soup? Sounds interesting.
C-53: How big was your high school?
GREETER: Baron Baron is in there. Also, your enemy is in there.
PLECK: What?
AJ: [twist voice] Twist!
[audience laughter]
C-53: Pleck, did you-- Did you have a high school nemesis?
PLECK: I mean, I wouldn't say nemesis.
AJ: This is the mission. We take out the nemesis. Surgical strike…
PLECK: No, we don't need to do that.
C-53: We cannot-
AJ: They won’t see it coming.
PLECK: Listen, listen.
AJ: It must be like– [charges blaster]
PLECK: I think, you know--
C-53: AJ.
PLECK: AJ.
AJ: It's Rangus VI. I feel like I'm pretty much allowed.
PLECK: Yeah, yeah.
C-53: I think it's an open carry planet.
AJ: It's an open carry planet. [shouting] It's my right! It’s my RIGHT!
PLECK: Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right.
AJ: Yeah!
NERMUT: Pleck, Pleck, who's that guy over there with people kind of just looking up at him adoringly?
PLECK: Oh my Rodd. Oh my Rodd. That's--that's Benedict.
[Benedict strolls up to Pleck]
BENEDICT: Well, well, well.
PLECK: Hey, hey, man.
BENEDICT: How you doing, Pleck? I didn't expect to see your face around here anytime soon.
PLECK: Oh, well, you know, just got the invite and felt like I really wanted to come to this and be here with you guys and you.
NERMUT: No, you were so reluctant.
BENEDICT: Oh.
C-53: Yeah, you really didn't want to go.
AJ: Is this the guy we're supposed to kill?
PLECK: No, just-- you know, find some punch or something, please.
AJ: Oh, there's a punch?
PLECK: Probably.
AJ: [running off] YayyyyYYY!
C-53: I'm gonna go--I'm gonna go make sure he takes a reasonable portion of punch.
PLECK: Yeah, thank you.
JUSTIN: And I'm gonna get a high school education.
PLECK: They don't teach anything here at the--this is--it's-- all the kids are on break. This is--okay, all right.
BENEDICT: Hey, hey, hey, before-- before we even get any further into tonight, I just want to say things are cool between us, Pleck.
PLECK: Uh...
BENEDICT: Everything's under the bridge. You can trust me.
PLECK: Okay.
BENEDICT: No harm will come to you in this building.
PLECK: Okay, all right, all right.
BENEDICT: No matter what.
PLECK: Listen, Benedict--
BENEDICT: You can trust me.
PLECK: Okay.
BENEDICT: [seriously] Let down your guard.
[audience laughter]
PLECK: Oh, all right. Listen, Benedict, I just-- I just feel like I should probably say, like, sort of two things. First, great, I totally am glad to hear you say that. Secondly, I sort of feel like we gotta both say-- I mean, I feel like what water is under your bridge? 'Cause I feel like I-- last time we hung out, it was rough.
BENEDICT: Yeah, I said I was gonna kill you if I ever saw your face again.
PLECK: Yeah.
BENEDICT: I remember that.
PLECK: Yeah.
BENEDICT: But, you know, I've-- I've thought on things. I went to therapy, and I started working on my inner child, and I was like, "The old BJ has to die "so that a new BJ can live."
PLECK: Oh. So new BJ--
BENEDICT: Yeah, all the threats that I've ever said to you, just consider that not even real.
PLECK: Okay.
BENEDICT: I'm only here to love.
PLECK: Uh-huh.
BENEDICT: Yeah. So just accept this BJ, okay?
PLECK: I'll--I'll try. Thank you.
BENEDICT: All right. So you gonna introduce me to your cool friends?
C-53: Yeah, hey.
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: Hey, what's up?
PLECK: C-53, this is Benedict Judas. He's a friend of mine from high school.
C-53: Good to meet you, Benedict.
BENEDICT: Yes, yes, yes, you know, me and him go way back.
C-53: Oh, clearly.
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah.
NERMUT: Oh, wow.
BENEDICT: But, you know, there's a whole new Benedict Judas here. There's, you know, I-- I'm just here to make sure you all have a good time.
AJ: Wow.
PLECK: Benedict was the, uh, class president.
C-53: Oh, wow. So you're sort of responsible for this whole shindig?
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, you know, I was real excited to throw it, uh, you know, some would say I'm, like, popular. I was, uh--
PLECK: Yeah, home-- homeworld-coming king?
BENEDICT: Yeah, voted most likely to rule the galaxy.
C-53: Wow.
NERMUT: Oh, funny story.
BENEDICT: Oh.
PLECK: Yeah, I mean, I don't want to really brag, but actually, like--like, yesterday, uh, I sort of, uh, saved, uh, the galaxy.
BENEDICT: Oh! Oh, really?
PLECK: Yeah, yeah.
BENEDICT: Wow.
PLECK: Yeah, it was a prophecy. It was sort of like an ancient, uh, prophecy, and, uh, everything kind of came together, and I, uh--the fabric of reality is sort of here, uh, because of the stuff that I and all of us did. Like--like yesterday.
BENEDICT: Wow, I'm so happy for you. And did you hear Tina runs her own farm now too?
C-53: [impressed] Oh, wow.
AJ: [excited] Oh wow!
BENEDICT: Like, so you got, like--
C-53: That's crazy.
BENEDICT: I'm glad everyone in here is just, like, leveling up.
JUSTIN: That's really awwwessone.
AJ: Yeah, everybody's nailing it.
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah.
C-53: Does she--does she grow things, or she raises cows?
BENEDICT: Oh, yeah, yeah, she got purple milk. She got a big purple milk.
C-53: Oh, really?
JUSTIN: Thas like really hard.
PLECK: That's like, really profitable.
C-53: That's one of the best milks.
AJ: I'm AJ, by the way, um, and... I trust you.
[audience laughter]
PLECK: AJ.
BENEDICT: Thank you so much.
NERMUT: AJ has--I've never--how are you carrying that many cups of punch?
AJ: Well, you know, got two hands and giant forearms and just--
C-53: Yeah, just balancing them on your forearms.
AJ: Yeah, does anyone want a punch?
BENEDICT: Well, hold on, I actually got a drink for Pleck, uh, just for you. Uh, yeah.
AJ: Oh, cool!
C-53: You prepared this drink for hi-
PLECK: Not one of these 12 glasses of punch?
JUSTIN: It's a different color.
BENEDICT: [very not suspiciously] No, no, I have--it's some of Tina's purple milk that I wanted you to try personally.
C-53: Special?
AJ: Okay. No proble-
BENEDICT: Yeah, but no one else--
AJ: I can just pick the punch up.
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no one else except Pleck. I'd love you to drink this.
PLECK: Uh, thank you.
BENEDICT: Yeah.
PLECK: Wow, I guess I'll just drink this in front of everybody.
BENEDICT: Yeah, feel free.
C-53: [emphasizing] You're acting like Benedict Judas might sell you out in some way. Don't be weird, just drink the purple milk.
AJ: Yeah, don't be weird, Papa.
NERMUT: Does it taste like poison?
PLECK: [sipping] Uh, it tastes-- it tastes great. It's really purple. Yeah.
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I took--Tina brought some in and I wanted to save some just for you.
JUSTIN: That's so impressive.
AJ: Yeah, it's very cool.
BENEDICT: Yeah.
AJ: Hey, Papa, why are you being so weird about it?
PLECK: You know, hey, BJ, great to see you. I'm gonna circle around and see who else is here.
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, do your thing. I'm gonna go talk to the Soup. She's real rich now.
C-53: Oh, wow.
PLECK: Oh, yeah.
AJ: Okay.
[A woman approaches C-53]
BARON: Devin. Devin, is that you?
C-53: [taken aback] Oh, no, I'm not.
BARON: Devin, it's me, Baron Baron.
C-53: Hey, Baron Baron, I'm not-
BARON: Oh, my. Wow.
C-53: -not Devin. I didn't go to this high school.
BARON: I haven't stopped thinking about you since high school.
C-53: That's extremely flattering. -
BARON: [emotional] Every single day of my life, I have been thinking about you.
C-53: I just want to clarify, I am a robot. I didn't go to this, I think, largely Tellurian High School.
PLECK: [chiming in] Oh. Entirely Tellurian.
C-53: Thank you, great.
AJ: Yiiiiikes.
C-53: So I'm not whoever you thought Devin is or was. I'm not.
BARON: [shouting] Devin, you're everything to me!
C-53: Wow, this got so intense so fast…
BARON: Devin, this is your son.
C-53: Oh, my.
DEVIN’S SON: [tiny] Dad?
C-53: No, no.
DEVIN’S SON: Is this why I love video games so much?
C-53: That’s…. Sort of vaguely robotist. Um…
AJ: Papa? Hey, Papa, what's going on?
PLECK: Listen, AJ, the reason I didn't want to come here was because I had a terrible high school experience. Benedict was, like, my bully. He went out of his way every day to make my life hell.
AJ: What's a bully?
PLECK: What's a bully?
AJ: Yeah. What's a bully?
PLECK: Ah, did you ever have a clone that was, like, more of a dick than the other clones?
AJ: My commander? [audience laughter] That I trusted with my life? Yeah, I guess I did.
PLECK: Yeah, yeah. So, so--
AJ: So you did what Benedict told you and everything worked out?
PLECK: No. No.
AJ: Oh, well, that's kind of on you, then, isn't it?
PLECK: No, AJ--how? Listen, I--I wasn't cool. Nobody likes me. Benedict was always acting like, "Hey, you could be part of the cool crowd," and so he'd make me do these things. I'd get in trouble for them. He'd sell me out in front of the whole school. He was terrible!
AJ: Wait, Benedict--Benedict Judas that we just met?
PLECK: Yes. He doesn't seem untrustworthy to you?
AJ: He just gave you a glass of milk.
GREETER: Everybody, Benedict Judas is going to lead us in a motivational speech for the entire school.
SCHOOL: [chanting] Yay! Benedict! B.J.! B.J.!
AJ: Benedict!
PLECK: A motivational speech?
AJ: Is this normally what happens at a--
PLECK: No, I don't think this is what happens at a reun-
C-53: Yeah, pretty unconventional, but I'm excited.
BENEDICT: [announcing] Hello, everyone. You know, I just wanted to say how happy I am to see all of y'all here today in this gymnasium.
AJ: Wow.
BENEDICT: It's been a whole ten years since we walked across that stage and--
GREETER: It has!
BENEDICT: And set off to try and achieve our dreams. And I gotta say, you know, I'm real proud of all y'all. We've all been doing big things. I hear Pleck, he's one of the leaders of the galaxy. Tina has her own farm.
[raucous cheers and applause]
BENEDICT: All right, all right, all right.
AJ: Small business!
SCHOOLEE: Calcium!
BENEDICT: All right, so maybe y'all didn't hear me. I said Pleck is now a leader of the galaxy along with Tina, who now has her own farm.
[even raucouser cheers and applause]
SCHOOL: [chanting] Tina! Tina!
PLECK: Okay, all right.
BENEDICT: But, uh, yeah, I just want y'all to all have a good time out here. Let your guard down. Let's let all-- like, bury all the hatchets. Turn a blind eye to anyone you might have been afraid of in high school because you never know.
PLECK: Turn a blind--
BENEDICT: That person might be different. Have a good night, everybody. I'm gonna go... eat.
SCHOOL: [chanting] Eat! Woo!
SCHOOLEE: So inspirational.
NERMUT: Pleck, can I just say, I'm so glad this isn't like our other missions where there's some devious person we have to sort of, like, conquer-
PLECK: Nermut!
AJ: It's refreshing. It's refreshing.
NERMUT: Yeah.
PLECK: [upset] You too, Nermut?
C-53: Well, Pleck, I mean, didn’t he-- he was really trying to build a lotta public support for you.
PLECK: Yeah. You guys could've applauded.
C-53: It just seemed like it was so quiet, it would've been awkward.
JUSTIN: We already knew.
C-53: It would've been awkward, y’know?
JUSTIN: We already knew.
PLECK: Okay, it was so quiet, it would've been awkward if you would've applauded?
JUSTIN: Also, Benedict told me he's gonna help me get my geeda.
AJ: Your what?
JUSTIN: Majad.
AJ: One more time?
PLECK: What is that?
JUSTIN: Majaad.
NERMUT: Yeah.
PLECK: [laughing] Are you saying GED?
JUSTIN: Yeah.
BENEDICT: Hey, Pleck, Pleck.
PLECK: Oh, yeah, yeah, hey.
BENEDICT: Hey, I'ma-- do you mind, I'ma take Justin into one of these classrooms. I'ma run him through, I'ma get him his GED. Get him up and running. But also, for you, I got this present. It's nice and wrapped up. Don't open it 'til you leave the planet.
PLECK: What?
JUSTIN: It has a little tick sound, too.
AJ: Yeah. It’s probably a clock.
PLECK: Thanks. Thanks, Benedict.
BENEDICT: No problems. Look, you can trust me now.
PLECK: Thank you. Thank you.
AJ: Hey, Papa, did you get him anything?
[audience murmurs disapprovingly]
BENEDICT: Uh, it's all-- it's not like I was expecting anything.
AJ: It's not great.
BENEDICT: Yeah, you know, he--
PLECK: Uh, boy, um, he's just--
BENEDICT: No, no, no, don't--yeah, you don't have to reach-
PLECK: You know, you can have, um, uh, you can have his eye patch. I don't need it anymore 'cause my eye's cybernetic now.
BENEDICT: [genuinely] Oh, oh, that's cool. Okay.
AJ: Great.
BENEDICT: That's nice.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: An eyepatch, a great gift for someone with two working eyes.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Listen, I don't have a lot of-- I didn't bring a lot of stuff.
AJ: Don't do anything, then.
NERMUT: Huh.
AJ: Giving him an eye patch? What?
PLECK: It's just what was in my pocket.
C-53: That’s very obvious.
BENEDICT: Hey, hey, it's--it's--it's--it's fine. I'm gonna cherish this eye patch 'cause this isn't just an eye patch. This is an eye patch from Pleck.
C-53: Wow, that's a great attitude.
BENEDICT: Thanks, buddy.
AJ: Yeah. Wow.
PLECK: Thanks. Thanks.
BENEDICT: I'm gonna go teach Justin.
JUSTIN: I'm gonna look in the mirror and be like, "You know things," you know?
BENEDICT: Yeah.
NERMUT: Oh, you're still carrying the mirror.
JUSTIN: Yeah, I have the broken mirror with me.
NERMUT: Oh. Wow.
C-53: Pleck, and-- and BJ got you, like, a watch or a clock or something nice like that? It's like--
PLECK: It's way too heavy to be a watch.
AJ: It's a big clock.
C-53: Well, then it’s a clock.
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: It's a big clock.
PLECK: It's almost maybe too heavy to be a clock.
AJ: It's just a dense clock.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: Maybe. Listen, guys, I don't feel like I wanna be here anymore. You guys have a cup of--
C-53: Oh, I don’t know, I-
NERMUT: No, Pleck, Pleck, you--you're like a leader of the galaxy. You fulfilled your destiny. You swung that woodsaber so good.
C-53: Yeah, you gotta show off a little bit. You're the leader of the galaxy. You defeated Kor Balevore!
PLECK: But C-53, you know, I don't know if robots do this.
C-53: They don't.
[audience laughs]
PLECK: I guess being back here on Rangus VI, I just feel like I fall into all this. I feel so uncool being at this high school again.
C-53: You're asking if when I return to the manufacturing plant that I was made in,
PLECK: I don't know. I don't know.
C-53: -whether I fall into the same behavioral patterns I did when I was being built. Think before you ask a question, Pleck.
[audience laughs]
GREETER: Hey, everybody! It's time where we do that thing we do at every reunion, where we ask anyone to come up and show how cool they are now!
C-53: [confused] Strange tradition.
BENEDICT: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
GREETER: And anyone from the audience…
GREETER: You can also tell someone else they have to.
BENEDICT: Oh, great. Pleck, get over here.
C-53: Pleck! Pleck! You have to.
AJ: Do it!
PLECK: Hey, everybody. Pleck Decksetter, class of 3E.
SCHOOLEE: Who!
PLECK: Yeah, well, you know, you may not remember much about me, but I was in the marching band. I was the only pianist in the marching band.
AJ: What?
PLECK: I was the Zi-Ball– I was the manager for the Zi-Ball team for three years.
SCHOOLEE: The one that burned down?
PLECK: Yeah, the Zi-Ball team burned down, but that was...
AJ: Wait, hold on.
PLECK: That was, again, not my... I had run out of water, but it wasn't... That wouldn't have helped.
AJ: Wait, so the team...
TOONY: [shouting] Couldn’t have hurt!
AJ: Wait, somebody... Did the team burn alive, or what happened?
PLECK: It was...
NERMUT: [interrupting] Pleck, was that the "juck my nuts" guy?
PLECK: Oh.
NERMUT: Who said it couldn't have hurt?
BENEDICT: Hey, everyone, everyone. Let Pleck speak, okay? This is my buddy Pleck.
PLECK: Thank you. Thank you.
BENEDICT: [grimly] And even though my father died in that fire, Pleck did nothing to save my father. I watched my father scream as he burned. I watched my dad's face melt off! And that's when I told Pleck I would never forgive him, and I'd kill him the next time I saw him. But... I healed my inner child. And even though every night I go to sleep, I hear the screams of my father in my head...
[audience laughs]
BENEDICT: I know it's not his fault. Sure! We asked him two weeks before to refill the water bucket. And that was just enough water to put out one dad on fire. But dammit, Pleck tried his best. So go ahead, Pleck, tell us what you did.
SCHOOLEE: [shouting] Yeah, prove that you're cool now!
[outro music]
ALDEN: We're gonna take a 10 minute intermission, we'll see you in a minute.
[transition]
ALDEN: Welcome back!
C-53: Pleck, you left a pretty crucial component out of your rivalry with Benedict.
PLECK: Well, C--
AJ: Yeah, you burned his dad alive.
C-53: That's pretty jucked up, buddy!
PLECK: That's not what happened, okay? It's more complicated than that.
C-53: All right, well, let's get into it.
AJ: You had an edict?
PLECK: Benedict was always pressuring me into doing stuff for him. He was always making me take the fall for stuff. He was smoking a cigarillo underneath the Zi-Ball bleachers.
C-53: Sure.
PLECK: And when the coach came around the corner, he handed it to me and made it look like I was the one doing it. I threw it out and it started a fire that burned the whole Zi-Ball stadium down, okay?
[audience gasping]
C-53: Why didn't you throw the cigarillo into the water?
PLECK: [upset] I was 16!
C-53: Okay, all right.
PLECK: I didn’t know wh-
GREETER: Hey everybody, it's that time in a high school reunion that we always do where anyone can come up and apologize for something they did.
AJ: Wow. I've never been to one of these before, but--
GREETER: Anybody!
C-53: There's a lot of interesting Rangus reunion traditions.
AJ: Pretty cool.
NERMUT: Why is AJ going up?
AJ: Hey everybody, I mean, I'm gonna be one of the leaders of the galaxy, I mean, huh. A lot of times I was doing stuff under orders, but now that I'm thinking about it, it was probably not great. I didn't go to high school here, but sometimes we had to subdue a planet and it took it a little--
PLECK: Okay.
C-53: You're not gonna get an amnesty for a genocide in front of a crow-
PATRICIA: Hey everybody, it's me, Patricia. I just want to apologize for what I did. And you all know what I did.
C-53: Pleck, what did she do?
PLECK: I don't know, but she was the only 75 year old in our class.
BENEDICT: Hey, just thought I'd hop on here and throw an apology out.
AJ: [shouting] You have nothing to apologize for, man. You rule!
PLECK: AJ!
[audience cheering]
BENEDICT: Thank you so much. But no, yeah, I feel like I was what some may call a bully in high school.
GREETER: No.
AJ: It’s the commander!
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would pressure people to do things that I wanted them to do. And sometimes, you know, place the consequences on them. And Pleck, you know, even though my father died by your hands, it could have been anyone. It could have been anyone. Anyone could have killed my dad. It wasn't just you. So I apologize.
C-53: For a second it sounded like he was saying you could have killed anyone. But he meant it the other way.
PLECK: Hey everybody, Pleck Decksetter, class of 3E.
AJ: Go Pleck, go Papa.
PLECK: I guess I should apologize. I'd like to apologize to all of you and to Benedict Judas, and to myself, to my high school self. I'd like to apologize to 16 year old Pleck Decksetter.
AJ: Yikes.
TOONY: What?
PLECK: Okay, sir.
TOONY: [angry] Stop beating around the bush!
PLECK: I'd like to apologize to myself for not standing up for myself, for not doing the right thing. For letting other people push me around and tell me what to do. And for not standing up in front of everyone that day while the stadium was burning down and saying this was not my fault, this was not my cigarillo! But it was my- I was part of it, I was complicit because I was trying to be cool.
NERMUT: I kinda get why we haven't come back to Rangus VI before.
[audience laughing]
C-53: Yeah, it seems obvious in retrospect.
PLECK: [tearing up] I am Pleckthaniel Ugene Decksetter, class of '3E, and I'm sorry.
[A woman approaches C-53]
SIOBHARN: Devin?
C-53: [done with this] Oh my Rodd, okay.
SIOBHARN: Devin, is that you?
C-53: It's, listen, I don't know who you think I am, but I--
SIOBHARN: My heart beats for you every day, Devin!
C-53: Okay, what is your name?
SIOBHARN: Siobharn.
C-53: Siobharn, I'm gonna, this might upset you, but I wanna make it very clear. I'm gonna remove my face plate and show the robotic insides. I am not a student here, nor was I ever.
SIOBHARN: [terrified] Who did that to you?
SIOBHARN’S SON: Dad, why are you treating Mom like this?
SIOBHARN: Who did that to you?
C-53: Oh my Rodd. Listen, this is a case of mistaken identity gone very far in a particular direction.
SIOBHARN: Mom, Dad, we found him.
C-53: What?
SIOBHARN’S SON: What?
C-53: Is this Devin's mom and dad?
SIOBHARN: Yes.
C-53: Okay, listen-
DEVIN’S MOM: [emotional] Oh my Rodd, Devin!
C-53: No, no, no, can I see a picture of Devin? Because I am so confused right now!
SIOBHARN: You're in my locket.
C-53: That's clearly a Tellurian teenager! I don't know where Devin is, but why do you think I look like him?
SIOBHARN: Because we used one of those systems that tell you how someone's gonna look like when they age.
C-53: Oh, they took the-
DEVIN’S DAD: Yeah, it's very good.
SIOBHARN: And yes, it was a very cheap one.
C-53: Okay.
BENEDICT: Yo, yo, everybody, everybody, listen up. Hopping on the mic, I got some good news. And we've all been, for the past 10 years, mourning the disappearance of Devin, but... [audience laughing] I gotta say, I just got word that Devin's back! [audience cheering] Devin's back. Devin is back.
[C-53 is ushered onto the stage unwillingly]
C-53: [hesitant] Yes, hello, everyone. It's me, Devin, 10 years later. You know what, I'd like to apologize to the class here for having disappeared for 10 years. Pretty jucked up that I did that.
BARON: Where did you go?
C-53: Excellent question.
BENEDICT: Devin, look, let's cut to the chase. You're back. I know what's gonna bring the school spirit back. You remember the homeschool rap you did?
C-53: Yep, oh yeah.
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, I would love, let's do the homeschool rap and get everyone, you know, get filled with that school spirit.
C-53: Well. If there's anything I love, it's freestyle rap. [audience laughing] Well--
SIOBHARN: Son, look at your father's face during this. This is a true daddy.
C-53: Here we go. Remind me of the name of this high school. One more time.
PLECK: Ranguu High.
C-53: Ranguu High, of course, of course. So my famous homeroom rap that I would do a lot. Sing along if you know it. [audience laughing, C-53 begins rapping] Hey, all the students of Ranguu High, we're standing here watching the years go by. Can't get enough of all my classmates. Everyone here, you're first rate! Let's have fun and dance the night away. I'm Devin, but I'm not here to stay. Goodbye, everyone.
[audience cheering]
BENEDICT: He's back, he's back. That was it, that's the one! That was it, he did it!
PLECK: That was pretty good, C-53.
C-53: That was terrible.
PLECK: You know, do you believe me now that high school sucked?
C-53: Oh, look, nobody has a good time in high school.
PLECK: Really?
C-53: I mean, I've parsed a lot of Tellurian media about the years of high school, and almost universally, it sounds like a negative experience. I'm sort of not sure why they do it.
PLECK: I mean, if you didn't go to high school, you'd be like Justin.
C-53: Yeah, you'd be an idiot.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: Yeah.
NERMUT: I wonder how his tutoring's going to get his Jahd.
[transition]
BENEDICT: So yeah, that's why Y equals MX plus.
JUSTIN: No way.
BENEDICT: Yeah.
JUSTIN: I love being educated.
BENEDICT: Yeah, you know, I got you. We don't spice things up. We're gonna talk about calculus.
JUSTIN: Wow.
BENEDICT: Yeah. Just gonna bounce around all the maths.
PLECK: Wow.
BENEDICT: Yeah.
PLECK: Hey, Benedict, I just wanna say it meant a lot to me what you said. I think about that all the time, and I, you know, I--
GREETER: Hey, everyone, it's that time of the high school reunion.
C-53: Who IS this person?
PLECK: How many events are they packing in? We've been here for like 25 minutes!
GREETER: It's completely part of our tradition where you do a cheek-to-cheek dance with the person you once had a feud with. [audience laughing] Everybody!
BENEDICT: I'm gonna need you to give me that cheek. I'm gonna need you to give me that cheek. Put that cheek on my cheek right now.
[Benedict and Pleck dance cheek to cheek]
PLECK: Yeah, wow.
BENEDICT: Oh, yeah. Oh, it tickles when you talk that close to my ear. [audience laughing]
PLECK: Yeah.
BENEDICT: So what were you gonna say?
PLECK: It's weird that they don't, that they turned the music off for this part. [audience laughing]
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, I know, but, you know.
AJ: Wow, look at 'em. They're just kind of like slowly pacing back and forth, cheek-to-cheek, talking.
C-53: Yeah, it's weird that nobody else is doing this. Just empty dance floor.
PLECK: Everybody just stopped talking.
C-53: Just the two of them.
AJ: I guess there's not as many people with like long-standing feuds. It was a pretty specific ask.
C-53: Yeah, it seemed like a high school where everyone pretty much got along except for these two.
AJ: Yeah.
BENEDICT: So yeah.
PLECK: You know, Benedict, I-
SINGER: ♪ I want peace ♪
BENEDICT: You can tell me, it's safe.
PLECK: Benedict, I-
SINGER: ♪ You're so sad ♪
PLECK: I spent my entire high school feeling like a loser. And then the last year of high school feeling like a murderer. [audience laughing] And that was because of how you treated me. It's because of what you did.
TOONY: [shouting] Stop beating around the bush!
PLECK: I just, I just.
SINGER: ♪ You need to speak ♪
PLECK: I guess I sort of became who I am because of that four years of my life. It was really hard. And before that fire, all you ever talked about was how much you hated your dad.
BENEDICT: Yeah, yeah, no, he sucked, but you know.
PLECK: You told me you wanted to kill him all the time.
BENEDICT: Yeah, all the time. And then like when I saw him in flames, I was like, damn. I think I spoke too soon.
PLECK: Yeah…
BENEDICT: Like now that he's on fire, you know it's kind of like that thing where it's like you want what you can't have. And I was like, yeah, he was a bad stepdad. He was mean to me all the time, but when he was on fire, I was like, damn.
NERMUT: Stepdad?
PLECK: You know, Benedict, I gotta say, I didn't want to come here. I had a miserable time. And when it's all over, I'm gonna be relieved. But I'm glad we got a chance to talk.
BENEDICT: Yeah, me too. You know, here's the real thing. You know, that cigarillio incident, sure. You shouldn't have been there, sure. You had homework to do, sure. I asked you to come under those bleachers, sure. I blamed you for it, sure, we shouldn't have been there because we had, you know-
TOONY: [angry] Stop beating around the bush!
BENEDICT: I gotta say, the biggest growth that I've had was realizing that maybe it was me who killed my shitty stepdad.
PLECK: [tetchy] MAYBE it was you?
BENEDICT: Maybe, maybe, maybe, ooh, MAYBE. Like a tiny bit maybe. And you know, I put my inner child on trial for that. And he's awaiting judgment. So I'm free from the consequences of whatever that was.
PLECK: Is that how it works?
AJ: Sounds good to me.
[orchestral music, audience cheering]
AJ: Hey, Bargie, how were those other ships on Rangus?
BARGIE: Ooooh no.
AJ: So… good?
BARGIE: OooOoh no.
PLECK: You didn't have fun?
BARGIE: I got them into the NFJuck game.
PLECK: Oh no.
BARGIE: And let's just say it's gone real bad.
C-53: For them or for you?
BARGIE: Oh no.
C-53: Uh oh.
AJ: But everything you said, it seemed so airtight.
JUSTIN: Hey everybody, I'mmm soome really good nehws.
PLECK: Oh, what's that, Justin?
NERMUT: What's that?
JUSTIN: I have my Jeedy.
PLECK: You got your GED!
[audience cheering]
C-53: All right. Nicely done.
JUSTIN: Right here in my hands. Literally ask me any question right now. Like right now, like ask it right now. Like do it right now.
NERMUT: What's the capital of Maroofda?
JUSTIN: Shofargarh.
NERMUT: Whoa.
PLECK: Whoa, cool!
C-53: Wow!
PLECK: Wow, Benedict's a really good teacher!
JUSTIN: Hey, can you take a TokTok of this?
PLECK: Oh, okay.
[Pleck starts filming]
JUSTIN: Okay. Seven reasons that show you got your GED. Number one, I look awesome. Number two, I got those deep V's now.
PLECK: Is that part of it?
AJ: He really does, though.
C-53: Some of it is part of it.
JUSTIN: Number three, Zalky, never call me. Number four.
PLECK: Not possible.
JUSTIN: Look what AJ can do.
[AJ fires wildly]
PLECK: No!
C-53: Stop, stop, stop.
PLECK: Stop doing it, stop doing it.
AJ: And… cartwheel!
PLECK: Oh.
AJ: While shooting!
NERMUT: No.
JUSTIN: And that's all.
PLECK: That's less than seven.
C-53: Four out of seven, yep. Wait, Pleck, you never opened your gift from Benedict.
PLECK: I can't do that.
C-53: He said specifically to open it when you left. Of course.
BEANO: Beano wuv presents...
NERMUT: Beano!
C-53: Beano.
[audience cheering]
BARGIE: Beano!!! What! What!
AJ: Whoa, that, what is that?
PLECK: That's Beano, you've seen Beano before.
AJ: Oh, it's disgusting. [audience laughing]
BEANO: Beano wuv presents, Beano wanna open it.
PLECK: No, Beano, we can't open the present.
BARGIE: I think after everything we've gone through, especially Beano, Beano deserves to open this gift that currently is making a very dangerous sound.
PLECK: No, Beano, don't open the present, I think it's--
BEANO: Beano will.
PLECK: No, no, Beano, no, don't open that present.
[audience laughing]
[Beano farts and the present pops open]
C-53: Oh, it's--
NERMUT: He farted it open.
PLECK: Wait, so-- It's a clock.
C-53: Yeah, it's like a geode clock.
PLECK: Yeah, it's a really, really heavy clock.
AJ: It's dense. So this bean is… we’re, everyone's cool with this thing?
PLECK: Not really.
BEANO: Beano wuv it! Beano wuv geode clock!
PLECK: Hey, look, there's a little video chip in here.
C-53: Oh yeah, here, let's plug it in.
PLECK: Yeah, le-
C-53: Press play.
BENEDICT: Hey, what's up? If you're watching this, it means you opened up my gift and yeah, it's a geode clock, a rock clock, because you rock. Now, I know there's a lot of history and no one can really put a finger on who actually killed my stepdad. No one, the more we think about it, the harder it gets and we should just breeze right by it and never try and point fingers. But if it were you or me, let's move past it and have a future of friendship. Good night.
BEANO: Beano wuv catharsis!
BARGIE: Wait, breaking news, his inner child got 100 years.
CREW: Ohhh.
[outro music]
K-RED-ITZ: This is K-RED-ITZ, credits and protocol-uh, credits and attributions, commencing outro protocol. Pleck Decksetter was played by Alden Ford. [audience cheering] C-53 was played by J-J-J-Jeremy Bent! [audience cheering] Dar was not played by Allie Kokesh! [audience cheering] Bargie the Ship, Justin Ballwheat, and Devin's Ex were played by Moujan Zolfaghari! [audience cheering] Nermut Bundaloy and Devin's Son were played by Seth Lind! [audience cheering] AJ and Beano were played by Winston Noel. [audience cheering] Benedict Judas was played by special guest, Ify Nwadiwe! [audience cheering] This episode was recorded live at San Francisco Sketchfest, 20th year in San Francisco! This episode will be edited by Seth Lind with sound design, mix, and original music by Shane O'Connell. [audience cheering] Scene music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by the FAMES Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra with mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. [audience cheering] Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz. [audience cheering] Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission is Zyxx was and is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Thank you for coming to the show!
[audience cheering]
MAXIMUM FUN: Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.