511: The Pest of Both Worlds, Pt. 2 [ft. John Robert Wilson]
Where were we? Ah yes, the K’Hekk were decimating the RSS Synergy, and Bargie just learned that she and The Grower Mind have a son. Dar is pumped for the tour. AJ wants the good stuff. C-53 eyes a new frame.
-
[dramatic music]
NARRATOR: Previously on Mission to Zyxx...
PLECK: You know, Nermut, I gotta hand it to you. When that engineer said they had figured out a way to get us back home, I thought it was gonna be really complicated, but they made it very simple.
AJ: Yeah, if you ask me, it seems like nothing bad is ever gonna happen again.
PLECK: AJ, why would you say that?
C-53: AJ?
DAR: [imitating tube] Whyyy?
[shift]
SYNERGY ALARM: Yellow alert. Yellow alert.
GROWER MIND: All bow before the undying will of the Grower Mind.
O’DOOL: Oh no!
SYROCK: Impossible. I myself strangled the last K'hekk in the known galaxy on the surface of Tars Axe IV.
GROWER MIND: And yet, here we are, Captain.
[shift]
PLECK: Guys, listen, we've gotten the K'hekk to stand down once before. We just need to get Bargie here. Bargie can talk him down. That's all we need to do.
AJ: Uh, guys? Bargie's in a full-dress cuticue right now.
[shift]
GROWER MIND: You have guaranteed that your assimilation will be incredibly painful.
O’DOOL: [K'hekk voice] Captain, permission to be assimilated?
SYROCK: Permission not granted, Lieutenant O’Dool. [smacks O’Dool] Resist. Resist those K'hekks!
[shift]
BARGIE: Well, hello, Grower Mind.
GROWER MIND: Bargarean Jade, you must meet our son.
BARGIE: What?
AJ: Twist…?
PLECK: [baffled] What?
[intro music]
BARGIE: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on!
GROWER MIND: [flaps around] We have a son. The princeling of the swarm and you must meet him. The dawn of a new caste!
C-53: Wow.
GROWER MIND: It is not a weaver. It is not a royal drone.
C-53: Okay, yeah yeah, we remember-
GROWER MIND: It is not an auroch. It is not a soldier.
PLECK: Yeah, we got it, we got it.
GROWER MIND: It is not a queen.
C-53: Uh-huh.
GROWER MIND: [flapping] I'm releasing a pheromone to instruct all of my children to stop their onslaught. [squirts]
AJ: Ew.
DAR: Eugh, aw…
PLECK: This is also mostly fecal matter, I assume.
AJ: Is this fecal matter…
GROWER MIND: Correct! Correct!
DAR: It certainly smells like it. [coughing] Oh, tastes like it too.
PLECK: [disgusted] It's on my lungs.
AJ: So they're standing down and it looks like all the bugs have gone away.
GROWER MIND: Bargarean Jade, I promise you if you come to the planet, you will be compelled to become queen of the swarm.
PLECK: Whoa, Bargie, queen of the swarm?
BARGIE: Jeffrey Grower Mind, how many times did I tell you? What happened in the past is over and no many--
PLECK: [laughing] Wait, your first name is Jeffrey?
GROWER MIND: I haven't been called that name in years.
BARGIE: Grower Mind, I have no interest in you.
NERMUT: [whispering] Bargie, no.
BARGIE: Okay? But there's one thing I promised myself after I disappointed Tree Boy or whatever their name is at this moment.
PLECK: Your son?
BARGIE: Yeah, but what are they now?
C-53: Barge, you… you gotta remember that name.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: That's important.
BARGIE: Tree Boy, Lagoon Kid, anyway.
C-53: Lagoon Kid?
BARGIE: [solemnly] I promised myself I would never let my next child down. I'll meet my son. [opens hatch] Take me to my son.
[Nermut skitters onto Bargie]
NERMUT: Guys, guys, the device is nearly complete and it seems like the attack has paused. Now's the time! Ohhh… hey.
PLECK: Nermut, Nermut, the plot has thickened a little bit, Nermut. We have to get on Bargie and go down to the Grower Mind's home planet.
NERMUT: Oh, come on, not right now. We're going--we just--we gotta go back to Zyxx. Come on.
GROWER MIND: [angrily] If the Bargarean Jade does not comply, I will be compelled to continue my attack on this ship. I will assimilate all energy sources and assimilate all living creatures. [flapping] I will also release more fecal pheromone.
PLECK: Okay, okay, okay, we're coming, we're coming, we're on our way.
DAR: That's gonna do it.
PLECK: When you put it that way. Yeah.
C-53: Jeez.
[transition]
K’HEKK: Captain, we must open mouth kiss! Nom nom nom-
[Syrock struggles with the K'hekk]
SYROCK: No! I'll never--ah! Their K'hekk strength is too hard to overcome! Ah!
[The K’hekk sniffs the air and skitters off]
SYROCK: Wait. Where is it going? What a stroke of luck. [clicks recorder] Captain's log, supplemental. The K'hekk have mysteriously ceased their attack on the RSS Synergy. They've become consumed with molting their exterior shells. I don't know how much time this has bought me, but I'm making my way to the bridge of the Synergy with hopes of setting a distress beacon to COUP headquarters. See if we can save the remaining survivors of the Synergy, and perhaps even dispatch of our K'hekk nemesis before they're allowed to grow any stronger. I regret when we made first contact with them, but we've been fighting them for generations. We may yet win this day.
[transition]
GRUSTINE: Justine!
JUSTINE: Yeah, Ma?
GRUSTINE: Get in the car, Justine!
JUSTINE: All right.
[Justine gets in the car and rolls up the window]
GRUSTINE: I gotta go around the block again. It's another one of the conferences or something.
JUSTINE: Oh, yeah.
GRUSTINE: But this car is on its last legs, I tell ya, Justine! This rusty bucket of trashy bolts is just like our relationship! [changes lanes]
JUSTINE: Mom, Mom, Mom!
GRUSTINE: Just listen, will ya, Justine? Every couple years, I gotta get this Regatta Electric tuned up to prevent bigger issues down the road, right?
JUSTINE: Yeah.
GRUSTINE: And you went to that boxing gym down the avenue to maintain your physical wellness, right?
JUSTINE: Uh, yeah, um...
GRUSTINE: And you also gotta get your highlights redone at the salon, even though they fired you!
JUSTINE: I did the best highlights in the whole salon.
GRUSTINE: But you stole the janitorial supplies, Justine! You brought it on yourself!
JUSTINE: Mom!
GRUSTINE: I know, I'm just saying! Going to therapy is just like all of that! It's routine maintenance for your mental and emotional wellness to prevent you from going out of control or punching an old man at the yoga studio in the face again!
JUSTINE: Are youse making fun of me?
GRUSTINE: I don't know! You're very sensitive and also very aggressive, Justine, just like me!
JUSTINE: Um, thank you.
GRUSTINE: BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist!
JUSTINE: Okay.
GRUSTINE: It can be more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours!
JUSTINE: Oh, wow.
GRUSTINE: You invest all your time in men who don't love you because everyone's trash!
JUSTINE: Mom?
GRUSTINE: So why not invest in this? Why did AJ leave you, Justine? I liked AJ!
JUSTINE: Mom, it's fine, it's fine.
GRUSTINE: He was good for you!
JUSTINE: Just, chill.
GRUSTINE: Anyway, I heard you can get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/zyxx!
JUSTINE: Wow. Alright, but, um...
GRUSTINE: Don't give me that look! I'm recommending this to you, okay? Everything is trash, and people keep judging my cheese! [quietly] Okay, maybe I should also consider therapy.
JUSTINE: Really? I'm so proud of you.
GRUSTINE: I love you!
JUSTINE: I love you too, Mom.
GRUSTINE: betterhelp.com/zyxx!
JUSTINE: I love you so much.
GRUSTINE: Ah!
[transition]
[Bargie is traveling through hyperspace]
NERMUT: So this is wild that the actual K'hekk brain is in the Themm galaxy.
PLECK: What are the chances, right?
AJ: Yeah, but we, like, met the Grower Mind, right? What's this "brain" that you're talking about?
PLECK: AJ, the grower mind is sort of like a central nervous system that's connected to every K'hekk in the universe.
AJ: Whoa.
PLECK: And we're gonna meet the brain, the head bug.
AJ: Okay. Follow-up question. There gonna be honey on this planet?
C-53: Honey?
PLECK: [confused] What are you talking about?
AJ: Like space honey. Like, K'hekk honey?
C-53: Space honey?
PLECK: AJ, what are you…
C-53: What is space honey?
PLECK: What?
AJ: I don't know.
DAR: Yes, wait. Let him describe it.
C-53: Yeah, yeah. Good call.
AJ: Yeah, I mean, when we were, you know, it was kind of a myth, you know, all the CLINTs, we'd be sitting around the kind of power generator at night talking about the K'hekk, and somebody told me once that there was space honey. If you kind of crack them right, you know, you can get some of the space honey.
C-53: AJ, was this maybe an older CLINT who was…
AJ: Yeah, I mean, it was a CLINT that was... He was a real... This guy was an asshole. Like, this guy was like a real, you know, no one liked him.
DAR: [hesitant] And he suggested that you crack open the K'hekk and suck out the honey?
AJ: Yeah, I tried it a bunch of times and it tasted awful, and I puked a bunch of times, but...
C-53: Mmhmm.
DAR: Did it taste like the pheromone smell?
AJ: Yeah, it tastes like farts, yeah.
DAR: Hmm.
C-53: Hmm.
AJ: If the space honey's gonna be anywhere, it's gonna be on this planet, right?
PLECK: If you see any, let me know.
AJ: You got it. [AJ’s armor chimes] Honey alert activated! Honey alert activated!
PLECK: Oh, man, wow! I've never seen that beacon on the top of your helmet before.
C-53: Honey alert…
AJ: Yep. A little honeypot.
[Bargie’s viewport slides open]
PLECK: Wow, look at all these craggy mountains and canyons down there. Sort of creepy.
DAR: Yeah, I kind of... kinda got the sense it would be a little nicer. I mean, this is where the boss lives, so...
PLECK: Yeah, that's true. I don't get the impression the K'hekk really needs a lot of, you know, infrastructure. They kind of make their own fun, you know?
BARGIE: You know what I think the planet looks like? A lot of broken promises.
PLECK: It actually does look a little bit... Yeah, I can see that, actually, Bargie.
C-53: Oh, okay, sure.
NERMUT: Yeah.
BARGIE: Can I be honest with you? [whispering] I'm pretty sure it's not my son.
NERMUT: Whoa.
C-53: Whoa, heavy, Barge.
PLECK: Oh boy, Bargie.
[A K'hekk skitters up]
K’HEKK: Insignificant beings!
PLECK: Oh.
NERMUT: Oh, yes, right.
PLECK: I forgot we...
BARGIE: Oh, I was just saying how excited I am to meet a son.
K’HEKK: Yes.
DAR: That is exactly what Bargie was saying, yeah.
BARGIE: So excited for this to happen to me.
K’HEKK: Yes, we have been anticipating this day, and you are bestowed with the greatest honor of being the first non-K'hekk creatures on our planet.
PLECK: Uh-huh, yeah.
K’HEKK: You are being escorted to our central nervous brain.
AJ: [excited] Really? So you probably pulled out the good space honey?
PLECK: [disappointed] AJ…. I-
C-53: AJ. I don't think it's happening, buddy.
AJ: I think it’s-
K’HEKK: We can offer you a ceremonial liquid upon entrance of the sacred cave.
DAR: You’re not going to want to take that.
C-53: Sort of more than I expected, to be honest.
PLECK: How many pheromones are in it, to be honest?
K’HEKK: It is but one pheromone, a mixture of...
NERMUT: How many Ts in the butt?
[the K'hekk squirts out a pointer]
C-53: Oh, that K'hekk just pulled out a little pointer.
K’HEKK: Hundreds of millions of years ago...
C-53: Oh, it lights up at the end.
K’HEKK: During the first awakening of the genetic material of...
DAR: Oh, the tour is starting! Yes, yes!
PLECK: Where'd you get that little hat? I like that. So official.
K’HEKK: It's made of mucus, and I've...
C-53: Okay, yeah.
K’HEKK: I've formed it, yes.
PLECK: It's a little mucus tour guide hat. Very nice.
K’HEKK: Yes.
PLECK: It's also weird that they made us bring a weaver on board just to stand here and narrate what was happening. They could have just given us coordinates.
C-53: Yeah, we know how to get places.
DAR: Do we?
[The K'hekk begins a slideshow]
K’HEKK: Where was I? Ah, yes. Hundreds of millions of years ago, a meteor hit this planet, carrying the amino acids that started the perfect genetic line that was to be the K'hekk. Given eons of evolution and genetic manipulation, we have developed ovocannons that have spread our seeds into the inhospitable environment of space. Our eggs are able to hibernate indefinitely until they eventually run into… something. Through this process, we've been able to assimilate dozens and dozens of galaxies in this cluster. Any superior genetic material we assimilate to continue to create the perfect caste system that starts with the queens, the royal drones, the aurochs, the weavers, and the soldiers.
PLECK: [laughing] No, actually, actuallly- Grower Mind, this is fascinating, but this part I think we sort of already have heard.
K’HEKK: If you look out the left-hand side of the vessel, you can see a vast ocean of brain fluid that has been feeding our brain for thousands and thousands of years.
PLECK: Cool.
DAR: And how does that stay, you know, plentiful?
K’HEKK: We harvest the cerebral material from other creatures across the galaxies.
PLECK: Oh, so this is more like a reservoir. It wasn't naturally on this planet.
NERMUT: It's just a big bowl of brains.
PLECK: Yeah.
AJ: Like a potluck.
BARGIE: Hey, look. Hey, look. They're all watching my movie.
PLECK: Wow.
NERMUT: Oh, wow.
PLECK: Big fans.
C-53: Yeah, look at those huge screens.
K’HEKK: Yes, the Bargarean Jade’s films are incredibly popular here.
DAR: You're not just playing it because Bargie is coming to the planet? This actually happens on a regular basis. Be honest!
K’HEKK: It can be both.
PLECK: That's true.
DAR: You know what? Got me there.
AJ: He's a fun tour guide. [whispering] He's fun.
BARGIE: What…Can I ask, what movie is the one everyone likes the most?
K’HEKK: Oh, the one that everyone likes the most? Ship It, Shack It, Shuck It.
BARGIE: Oh, interesting choice.
PLECK: Oh, wow. That was the surfer rock musical, right?
BARGIE: Yeah, yeah.
K’HEKK: Yes.
[Audio POV quickly shifts to the movie playing, surfer music plays]
SURFER: Bargie, are you going to be able to catch this wave or what?
BARGIE: Ship’s up, dude. Ship’s up!
SURFER: B-b-b-b-Bargie!
K’HEKKS: [chanting] We love it! We love it! We love it!
[Audio POV returns to the crew]
PLECK: Wow.
BARGIE: My costar died.
[Bargie flies through a massive cave]
PLECK: What, are we flying into a cave right now?
AJ: Okay.
PLECK: Look at this place.
NERMUT: It's all drippy.
PLECK: Cool.
K’HEKK: All of these are secretions that we've hardened over time, made by the swarm.
AJ: Secretions? So is this like a honey cave?
K’HEKK: We are approaching the very outside of the brain. We must land here. It is unsafe to fly any further.
PLECK: Okay. Grower Mind, do you want us to come out or is this sort of just between you and Bargie?
K’HEKK: Your lives and actions at the moment are inconsequential.
PLECK: Okay. All right.
[Bargie lands]
K’HEKK: Do whatever you like.
AJ: Great.
PLECK: Okay. Fine. Thank you. I guess we should probably go just in case.
AJ: Let’s see if there’s honey! Let's see if there's honey. I want to poke that brain!
C-53: AJ, I just don't want you to be disappointed if there isn't any honey.
AJ: I promise I won't be disappointed.
C-53: I don't think you can promise that, buddy.
AJ: I really hope there is honey.
[The crew leaves Bargie’s hatch and approaches the core of the Grower Mind]
K’HEKK: Behold, the first non-K'hekk creatures to lay eyes upon the brain of the Grower Mind!
PLECK: Am I the only one who was sort of expecting it to be bigger?
AJ AND NERMUT: Yeahhh.
C-53: [surprised] This is a… Pleck, this is a pretty big brain.
PLECK: [laughing] I mean, as brains go, it's big, but it's the size of like Jan's minivan.
AJ: Yeah.
GROWER MIND: [squelching] Bargarean Jade, now that you are able to see my true form, what are your true thoughts?
AJ: Oh, look at it wiggling while it's speaking. It's so weird. The brain's like wiggling.
GROWER MIND: I still must speak to you through this royal drone. The brain does not have a mouth or vocal cords.
AJ: Right.
NERMUT: But it's definitely excited.
AJ: Yeah, it’s wiggling.
GROWER MIND: Yes. Oh, yes.
K’HEKKS: Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
NERMUT: All those illuminated tendrils connected to the mucus stalactites?
K’HEKKS: We are the K’hekk!
BARGIE: Listen, I'll say this, okay? [hesitant] Your personality is what I... [whispering] Can someone help me out here?
PLECK: I'm attracted to?
C-53: I don't know what you're going for, Bargie.
NERMUT: I think she's trying not to say ugly.
BARGIE: [whispering loudly] I'm trying to say, like, you know, they’re kind of weird looking, but you don't want to offend them because they're going to probably destroy and kill all of you if I say that. But in a kind way, be more like, "It's you’re personality!" even though it really honestly wasn't. It's just I was in a low part of my life, and then I got good again, and then I got low again, and then I got good again, and then I got low again. And generally, they coincide whenever I'm going through a low period of my life because I kind of am shameless and I don't really care about personality or physical features.
AJ: Her speakers are on, right?
PLECK: Yeah, I think.. I’m pretty sure.
C-53: I don't know that she knows that they are.
BARGIE: Alright, how do I, like, say that, but in a really nice way so they don't kill you.
NERMUT: Maybe tell them they're brave?
BARGIE: Wait, I know what to say. I know what to say. [beat] Yes!
GROWER MIND: Excellent! That is the answer I expected.
PLECK: Oh, good answer, Bargie. Good job.
AJ: Great.
GROWER MIND: For the first time in thousands of years, the first member of the new princeling cast of the K'hekk will be revealed.
AJ: [aside] Are they married to that name?
GROWER MIND: The offspring of the Grower Mind and the Bargarean Jade.
BARGIE: I just want to remind you that nothing ever happened physically between Jeffrey and I, so like scientifically this never would have come to be.
PLECK: [quietly] Yeah, I don't really get how any of this works, Bargie.
BARGIE: Wow, Pleck, really? Here you're going to bring that up?
PLECK: [worried] No, I don't mean like a shiphole thing!
BARGIE: Wow. Where is my son?
GROWER MIND: Behold!
[A K'hekk flies up to Bargie]
GROBO: [vomiting eggs and flapping desperately] Hoyle! Hoyle! Hoyle! Hoyle!
PLECK: Oh no… Is he all right?
NERMUT: Does that bug have one wing?
C-53: Yeah, like Bargie, but in a misguided way.
NERMUT: Bargie doesn't really like vomit eggs.
DAR: It's not really so much a vomit as it is a hoyle. You know.
PLECK: That's a good point.
NERMUT: Fair.
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: The sound is….
GROBO: Oh, hello new friends, and apparently this is my mom lady here to say hello!
BARGIE: I don't see any resemblance, honestly.
GROBO: I'm your son, Grobo.
CREW: Grobo?!
GROBO: I'm the newest level of perfection of the swarm! HOYLE!
GROWER MIND: Bargie, I took parts from all of your movies and created Grobo in your image.
C-53: Oh. Oh no.
PLECK: Oh no…
GROWER MIND: Your perfect image.
PLECK: Wait. So, Grower Mind, the princeling is an amalgamation of Bargie movies?
GROWER MIND: That is correct. You see, he has your perfect acting chops.
GROBO: Dad, you hacked real good, Mom, if I can just trip over this ottoman! HOYLE!
[comical slide whistle as Grobo slips and falls into a squelching pile]
PLECK: Oh no!
NERMUT: That was pretty good, honestly, a good pratfall.
PLECK: Grobo.
C-53: Sure, but at what cost? [laughs]
NERMUT: Luckily his fall was cushioned by all the eggs he had vomited.
GROBO: Toot, toot, toodles, is what I doodles!
BARGIE: Oh wait, I know that line. Oh. Wait, are my movies bad? Is this what this means?
CREW: No…
GROBO: I'm almost a ship, but I'm not!
AJ: [whispering] Is it weird that I see the resemblance?
PLECK: Grobo, you're an actor?
GROBO: That's what I am! I was bred to be an actor and make these perfect eggs to send out across the universe! [flapping] Flayvin!
BARGIE: Oh boy.
PLECK: Listen, Bargie, isn't that what you wanted? I know you and Blimpie have always had a lot of tension because he didn't want to follow in your footsteps, and now here's Grobo, who really seems keen on it!
BARGIE: [dithering] Um, I, uh, yo, I, uh, yo….
GROWER MIND: Now that you have seen our son, you must take your rightful place by our side. Become Queen of the Swarm. All worlds and the creatures will be yours to control.
BARGIE: [sighs] Lemme, can I have a moment with Grobo to connect?
GROWER MIND: Yes.
BARGIE: Hello, Grobo, I am the Bargarean Jade. Tell me abo-
[Grobo flies onto Bargie]
GROBO: Yes, my dad taught me a lot about you!
BARGIE: Oh, that voice! I thought, um…
GROBO: This voice is genetically manipulated to be perfect! Oops, I'm gonna fall down again! [slips] Aaaaaah!
PLECK: Oh, Grobo.
BARGIE: I, like, feel angry looking at it.
AJ: What about listening to it?
BARGIE: Grobo, it was nice to meet you, but I now have to go. Thank you very much, good luck with everything, I'm, uh, I'm sorry.
PLECK: No, but, Bargie, Bargie, I think we have to...
GROBO: Ah-ha-ha-ha, what in the nayvin? [sobbing]
BARGIE: Oh, no, it's crying! Ah!
PLECK: Grobo, Grobo.
BARGIE: Grobo, I am not your mother, okay?
CREW: Bargie..
BARGIE: Yes, you are currently using the essence of my films compiled together to create whatever it is that you are.
GROBO: [crying] Weeeeee! Glayvin! Daddy was right about you!
[Grobo flies away]
GROWER MIND: [sadly] This is quite unfortunate. My trillions of hearts are cracking open because of your lack of empathy and love for our family.
AJ: This is riveting. Really wish I had some honey to eat while we were watchin’ it!
C-53: AJ…
PLECK: What does that have to do with anything? AJ, what does that have to do with anything? Honey is not something you eat while you watch…
GROWER MIND: Royal drones, secrete the ceremonial battle fluid.
ROYAL DRONES: Yes!
AJ: Yeah, battle fluid! [takes off helmet and digs in]
DAR: [frantic] Oh, no no no AJ no!!
C-53: What exactly is a battle fluid?
GROWER MIND: It is a mixture of bile and urine that is to creep through our thoraxes.
AJ: [through mouthful] Technically, space honey, though.
PLECK: That’s not…
AJ: Bugs in space…
C-53: AJ, there's no way that's good for you.
AJ: Oh, bother.
GROWER MIND: My children, seize these horrible, heart-breaking beings.
PLECK: No, no, no!
GROWER MIND: You will be assimilated into the swarm. Your callousness and unfeeling brains will help us deal with our emotional problems in the future.
BARGIE: Um...
PLECK: [nervous] Bargie, Bargie, take it back. Say you love Grobo. We're all gonna die if you don't.
BARGIE: But I feel nothing for Grobo.
GROWER MIND: My children, assimilate the intruders and seize the Bargarean Jade!
[AJ charges his blaster as the K'hekk descend]
BARGIE: No, no, no! Jeffrey, don't!
GROWER MIND: Weavers, to the left! Aurochs, to the right!
[The K'hekk descend! The crew battles!]
NERMUT: Both sides!
PLECK: No! Let go of me!
BARGIE: Oh no! Oh, no!
PLECK: Get to the ship! Get to Bargie!
AJ: I'm here to kick ass and eat space honey, and I'm all out of space honey. [Charges blaster and fires wildly]
PLECK: There never was space honey, AJ!
C-53: There was never any space honey, AJ.
K’HEKK: Ah!
[transition, the crew stumble into Bargie]
PLECK: I can't believe we escaped. That was terrifying!
AJ: Okay, for the record, Dar and I could have taken all of them. I'm speaking for...
DAR: No, no, I agree.
AJ: Yeah, yeah, we could have done it.
DAR: You and me, easy.
AJ: We just didn't do it.
C-53: [sweating] You know, the K'hekk as a species are a lot more harrowing in a body like this. I just...
NERMUT: I mean, I liked Grobo, but the Grower Mind is...
PLECK: Wait, I’m sorry-
DAR: Wait, you liked Grobo?
PLECK: You LIKED Grobo?
NERMUT: Wait, what do you mean? Yeah, he was like... [imitating] Come on!
PLECK: No, I know. We all met Grobo.
BARGIE: Hey, Bargie! Hey, Bargie, how was it like meeting your son? Oh, you know, thank you for asking! Really appreciate it. I like that you really care about me.
PLECK: Bargie, no, I'm sorry. I just...
BARGIE: -and think about emotional upheavals and downfalls and uphills that I go through.
NERMUT: Sorry, Barge. Near-death experiences make us callous.
DAR: No, Bargie, as soon as we were done saying how much we all didn't like Grobo, we were going to ask you what you thought.
AJ: Yeah, so what do you think of your son that we all don't like?
BARGIE: [sadly] They were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
PLECK: What?
AJ: Oh.
NERMUT: Oh, coming around on Grobo.
DAR: Okay, so it's four to two, didn't care for, thought was a beautiful thing.
BARGIE: But it doesn’t mean that I'm its mother.
PLECK: Yeah, I mean...
NERMUT: Right. It's kind of a tribute to you, if anything.
AJ: Yeah, like a cover.
PLECK: You know, Bargie, you've just got to take some time to process it. I mean, I think what I learned today is that the Grower Mind really cares about you. You know, maybe he showed that in an off-putting and disgusting way, but I think it's hard to deny--
DAR: He means Grobo, off-putting and disgusting.
NERMUT: Grobo's affable.
PLECK: Affable? Nermut, were you on the planet with us?
BARGIE: [angrily] How DARE you call my fake son affable!
NERMUT: No, no, it doesn't mean what you think it does! [Bargie slams her doors into Nermut] Ow!
PLECK: Bargie, Bargie, Bargie. Bargie, I just want to say we're all here for you. That was an emotional roller coaster.
NERMUT: Bargie, the Grower Mind's love for you helped save the Synergy! He called off the attack because of you. Huzzah!
AJ: Now we can go home, because I mean, like, you know, I'd love to keep talking about Grobo, but, uh, you know…
NERMUT: Yeah, well, we've got to fly back. We've got to fly through the device. I bet the others have finished it.
PLECK: Yeah, Bargie, let's get back to the synergy.
BARGIE: Grobo did record a final message for me, though.
PLECK: Oh, no. Really?
DAR: I feel like we could all just skip over this.
BARGIE: Let's see the clip.
[clip]
RECORDED GROBO: Hi, Mommy Bargie! It's your favorite son, Grobo!
AJ: It’s just, so loud.
RECORDED GROBO: I just wanted to say you left without saying goodbye. So, Mommy, I miss you, and I hope to see you, and I'm going to fall down again. [screams] Hoyle!
C-53: Well, that's certainly something.
NERMUT: Classic Grobo.
PLECK: I've got to say, this feels like a perfect capper to this crazy few months in this galaxy.
NERMUT: Yeah.
PLECK: I think I'm ready to go home.
C-53: Yeah, does anyone else-- Is it just really dry on that planet, or--? [C-53 scratches his face]
PLECK: C-53, are you all right?
AJ: Yeah, why are you itching so much?
C-53: Yeah, it’s just… Yeah, my eye is just really bugging me.
DAR: If you keep rubbing it like that, it's not going to fix it.
C-53: Yeah, but it's just like--
PLECK: Oh, my Rodd, C-53, your eye is–
AJ: Oooh..
C-53: [pained] Is it red? Is it--
DAR: Yeah, you keep scratching at it.
PLECK: It's red, but it's also green and purple. Oh, no. Guys, guys, I'd recognize that enormous, disgusting eye anywhere. C-53, did you get oviposited down there?
C-53: [pained] You know, I got poked in the eye by a K'hekk, but I'm not organic. They can't assimilate a droid. [gurgling]
PLECK: Oh, no, but C-53, you have an organic body. What's going to happen?
AJ: You’re flesh and squish.
PLECK: Oh, no.
[C-53 writhes in pain as his eye begins to swell]
AJ: Oh, that's a rookie mistake. We would always laugh about the idiots who got oviposited, it’s like, come on!
PLECK: AJ, stop. This is not the time. You know what? Maybe it'll just stop growing, and then C-53 will have great vision for the next few months.
C-53: Yeah.
PLECK: And it'll turn out to be– [C-53’s eye grows quickly] Oh, no, it's even bigger now.
C-53: AH!
BARGIE: Hey, C. Why don't you go into the closet where I keep all my moist cloths?
PLECK: Yeah, Bargie, I gotta say, I don't know if you're looking at C-53 right now. I think he may be a little past a moist cloth.
BARGIE: But I have a whole closet dedicated to moist cloths.
PLECK: Okay, guys, we need to do something. C-53, where's your cube? We'll take it out. We'll shoot the Jeremy body into space, and we're all good.
C-53: Pleck, I have no idea what Dr. Traumaticore did. My cube is suspended in wet meat! All right, if you tried to pull out the cube, I mean, you risk shorting out my entire data matrix. [C-53’s body sprouts wings]
PLECK: Oh, no. Oh, no.
AJ: Let's do it! I got a knife in my boot! [pulls out knife]
C-53: AJ…
PLECK: No, AJ, stop, stop, stop. No, okay, Bargie, fly faster. We have to get back to the Synergy. Maybe we can talk--
BARGIE: Okay, but you don't want the moist cloth.
PLECK: No, I mean, he could try it, I guess?
AJ: Yeah, his head's sort of, like, pulsing.
NERMUT: Oh, his plaid pants are undulating.
PLECK: Oh, wow, is that part of it?
C-53: I don't know. It's all very new to me!
PLECK: Stay with us, C-53, stay with us. We're almost back to the Synergy, okay? We're here with you, and no matter what happens, you're gonna be okay, okay?
C-53: Okay!
NERMUT: Yeah, probably.
C-53: I'm trying to hang on, Pleck, but it's just getting-- [C-53 snarls as the K'hekk emerges]
PLECK: Oh!
NERMUT: [vomits]
AJ: Oh, Nermut, you've done it, now I gotta do it. I smell it. [vomits]
BARGIE: Wait, if you all do it, I'm gonna do it, too. [vomits]
PLECK: What does that-- what does that mean?
BARGIE: [groaning]
NERMUT: Oh, it's moist cloths are just flying out of Bar-
PLECK: Oh, it's wet cloths.
C-53: My head is growing apart!
PLECK: Oh, no!
C-53: [screaming in pain, splitting in two]
NERMUT: Ah! Jeremy broke in half today!
CREW: [laughing]
AJ: [groaning]
PLECK: Oh, my Rodd, it's a weaver. Ugh!
AJ: All right, we're gonna take him out. This is a mercy killing. It's turned into a mercy killing situation.
DAR: I killed him once, I'll do it again.
PLECK: [sobbing] Make it quick, Dar. He was my friend.
BARGIE: Oh, C.
NERMUT: No, I don't want to watch.
C-K’HEKK: [clicking]
DAR: Come here, my sweet friend.
AJ: They seem to be relishing it a little bit.
DAR: Into Dar's bosom. [grabs the K'hekk]
AJ: They're about to do a classic head explosion.
C-53: [high pitched voice] No, wait, no, wait, it's still me, it's still C-53!
DAR: What?
BARGIE: C? Where are you?
PLECK: Wait, wait, stop, C-53?
C-53: Yes, yes, it's me! The assimilation stopped when it hit the cube. I don't know, maybe they assumed this was an organic body and my cube was some sort of prosthesis.
PLECK: Oh, my Rodd, you're okay?
C-53: I mean, I think so. How do I look?
DAR: Awful. I feel like I should still pop your head like a champagne bottle.
AJ: Yeah, I think we still do it. Still do it!
NERMUT: No, no, no, no, AJ, no, Dar, stop, no, no, no, no, no, no.
AJ: Two against two that we need to do-
NERMUT: What? It's not a--this isn't a vote.
PLECK: C-53, what a tragic fate it must be to have your cube entombed in a disgusting bug creature.
C-53: To be perfectly honest, this is a lot more my speed. [skitters around Bargie]
AJ: Wow, look at him scuttling around! Look at that.
DAR: All right, well, now, I guess I'll--
PLECK: Wow, look at him skitter. Do you like this body better than Jeremy?
C-53: [cheerful] I mean, it's not worse.
PLECK: What?
C-53: At least the tooping knees work, you know? Look how dexterous these pincers are. Look at this. Look how fast I can type. [skittertypes] I couldn’t get anywhere close to this kind of speed with Jeremy!
PLECK: Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe there's just, like, less meat for all those synapses to go through.
AJ: It seems really great, it seems really great. [hushed] Hey, should we still kill him? What are we--what's the--
BARGIE: I don’t know, what?
PLECK: No, AJ, no, we can't, we can't kill him.
NERMUT: No!
AJ: No, okay, okay, okay.
DAR: Of course, no, no, that's not what we were--
AJ: No, no, no, we're never going to--
DAR: No, no.
AJ: We have to ask him one important question. Do you have space honey, or do you make it, or what?
[transition, metal music]
GERKK: And then we shall scream a primal scream. The listener shall hear the blood in our throats as we wail our angst to every corner of the galaxy.
KORZAK: Gerkk, you are a musical genius.
GERKK: Thank you.
KORZAK: Ruthless and uncompromising.
GERKK: True, true.
KORZAK: But everyone knows that I, Korzak, am the sensitive lyrical one.
GERKK: Yes.
KORZAK: Our juxtaposed dynamic is what makes Tatch's sound so enduring and listenable. Thus, I think we should end this song with "Flowers Are Nice."
GERKK: Korzak, you fool! It is a song of suffering!
KORZAK: But, Gerkk, what if at the end we were like, "Flowers are nice"?
GERKK: It-- Fine.
KORZAK: Another Tatch classic. [laughs]
GERKK: Korzak, listen to me. We are recording our second album. After the unmitigated success and universal acclaim of "Eyeball Rupture," the critics will undoubtedly be waiting to pounce on any sign of a sophomore slump. How will we meet the high expectations of angry teens throughout the galaxy if we do not step it up a notch?
KORZAK: I am so glad you asked, Gerkk, for I have the key to excellent sound. A flawless conduit for our infernal shrieking to ensure that our bloodlust and love of flowers is captured with pristine clarity.
GERKK: Give it to me or die!
KORZAK: Tough choice, but I shall give it to you. Here, I present premium XLR cables and assemblies from I/O Audio Technologies.
GERKK: They are perfect!
KORZAK: Haha! With extensive backgrounds in the studio and live sound industry, I/O Audio Technologies team members have come together to tackle the industry's predominant obstacle-- having readily available gear that withstands the test of time but doesn't break the bank.
GERKK: Only two things matter to me-- anger and sensible audio investments.
KORZAK: Ah, yes, everyone knows that space is waste, but do you know what is an even bigger waste?
GERKK: A great take ruined by bad equipment.
KORZAK: Exactly.
GERKK: A perfect song undermined by faulty or worn-out cabling.
KORZAK: Yes.
GERKK: A mighty scream into the night rendered muddy by hisses, static, or live noises.
KORZAK: Yes, Gerkk, yes, yes, yes.
GERKK: Korzak. This is the key to the success of Thatch's next album.
KORZAK: Indeed. Their engineering staff are eager to aid in customer design and product selection from project start to finish.
GERKK: These cables are not enough. We must buy more.
KORZAK: Fear not, Gerkk. We may visit ioaudiotech.com/zyxx to purchase many more, also to find out more about the products, and this way we will ensure our musical domination.
GERKK: ioaudiotech.com/zyxx
TOGETHER: I love you.
[transition, Bargie returns to the Synergy’s hangar]
NERMUT: [excited] Hey, look! They finished the device.
AJ: Wow.
PLECK: I can't believe it. It's done!
C-53: Zyxx, here we come!
PLECK: Good job, everybody.
NERMUT: That's an OptiSoft shine.
PLECK: Horsehat, you really took us over the finish line on this one.
HORSEHAT: I built it! I built it!
DAR: [doubtful] I just can't believe it, because, well, honestly, good stuff doesn't really ever happen to us, so--
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: Yeah, it feels suspiciously out of character.
DAR: Yeah.
PLECK: The Synergy is, I would say, maybe 70% destroyed, so--
DAR: Oh, sure.
PLECK: I wouldn’t say this is a net gain.
NERMUT: Well, they got the civilians off on the warp drive section, so--
PLECK: That's true.
AJ: Yeah.
[Seesu and entourage enter the hangar]
SEESU: Hi, gang.
AJ: Oh, hey. Hey, Seesu.
DAR: Hey. Seesu, hi.
AJ: Hey, what's up?
SEESU: How's everybody doing?
ROLPHUS: Hey, everybody, how’s everyone doing?
C-53: Seesu, don't be alarmed. I know my appearance is perhaps somewhat unsettling.
PLECK: Don't worry, everybody. This is C-53.
C-53: Hello.
HARK: A friendly K'hekk. [chuckling] Now I've seen everything!
SEESU: Well, I don't want any of you to be alarmed, because, yes, as you can see, Rolphus is pregnant.
ROLPHUS: I'm pregnant, everyone.
PLECK: Wait, wait, how is that possible?
ROLPHUS: I was impregnated by an alien ball of energy.
PLECK: What?
ROLPHUS: It's good. I feel good about it.
C-53: Wow.
ROLPHUS: I keep it, and--
PLECK: Rolphus.
ROLPHUS: --I always wanted a shower. What could go wrong? Alien ball of energy.
AJ: No, that's cool. I could totally have a baby if I wanted to, too. It's totally cool. I definitely have genitals and can definitely use them.
C-53: AJ, there's almost no way that's possible for you. I'm sorry.
AJ: [bothered by it] It's totally fine. I'm not bothered by it!
PLECK: Congratulations, Rolphus. Wow, what a special time for you.
ROLPHUS: Yeah, that's why we-- I mean, Seesu, do you want to say it, or should I?
SEESU: I think we can say it together.
BOTH: [discordant] We're-- We're-- --not-- --not-- --going-- --going-- --going back.
ROLPHUS: We're just in sync. We're just in sync.
PLECK: You're not going back where?
SEESU: To--
ROLPHUS: Um--
BOTH: --Zyxx. --Zyxx.
ROLPHUS: We're not going back to Zyxx with you.
SEESU: --with you.
DAR: Say what?
C-53: I’m sorry…
PLECK: You're not coming back with us?
SEESU: The time here has really given me and Rolphus and everyone who's currently standing behind me time to reflect and realize that this is a far better galaxy. People are kinder, but in a meaner way. Also, yes, I am running for local office. There wasn't one before, but I created one. And guess what, everybody? I'm projected to win. I'm also the only one running. But what can I say? I'm having a great time. And ultimately, at the end of the day, no matter what universe we're in, Rolphus and I and the new bababby-- baby-- --are family--
PLECK: Wow.
SEESU:--also our son.
CENTURION: I'm here, too. Ugh. The baby's going to get so much attention! Ugh.
PLECK: Well, surely, surely, Hark-- Hark, you're coming with us.
HARK: To be perfectly honest, I feel like I've crashed a fighter on nearly every rosh darn planet in the Zyxx Quadrant. So it's time for old Hark to seek out some new planets to touch down on.
PLECK: Wow.
HARK: Plus, like, 2/3 of the crew of the Synergy went down in the K'hekk attack. So they just need flyboys out here, maybe a little more than they do in the Zyxx Quadrant.
PLECK: I guess so.
NERMUT: All right, sounds like it's just Zalcatron.
ZALCATRON: THINK AGAIN
NERMUT: What?
ZALCATRON: I’M LIVING THAT LOAF LIFE
PLECK: Oh, that's actually a good point.
NERMUT: Oh, you're still loafing.
PLECK: Yeah, I wouldn't want Zalcatron to give that up.
NERMUT: Oh, yeah. Wow. Fare thee well.
PLECK: C-53, is everything OK?
C-53: [solemnly] I'm just taking one last look at my co-workers.
JEREMIAH: I can't look at you. You're disgusting!
PLECK: Jeremiah, please.
C-53: Jeremiah, I have feelings.
JEREMIAH: Look away! Look away, you weird bug!
NERMUT: You're a motorized sausage.
C-53: [laughing] Words hurt, Jeremiah.
JEREMIAH: Point those peepers elsewhere!
AJ: Well, Seesu, I guess this is goodbye. I just want you to know that there–
SEESU: Yes?
AJ: That--
SEESU: [excited] Oh, oh, the baby's kicking!
C-53: It's already kicking?
PLECK: How long has Rolphus been pregnant? That doesn't--
SEESU: Oh, everyone put your hand on Rolphus' tummy right now, every single one of you. AJ, you first.
PLECK: At the same time?
AJ: Let's get the juck out of here. Let's go. Let's do it. Wheels up! Let's get out of here. Let's go. Let's get out.
PLECK: All right, all right. In that case, Seesu, would you mind firing up the reactors?
SEESU: Giving you a kiss on the lips? Sure.
PLECK: What? MmMMF!
[Seesu pulls Pleck into a passionate kiss]
C-53: That was… unexpected.
DAR: Wow-ee.
AJ: [done with this] Ooh, welp! Can't get out of here fast enough. Let's go, Bargie. Let’s c’mon!
[transition]
JUSHERN: OK, crew of Bargie, I'm going to fire up the device. [dialing in]
PLECK: Thank you, Jushern.
JUSHERN: Good luck!
PLECK: Wow, what a guy.
[Device loads, humming with a calming power]
JUSHERN: Oh… hachi ma–
PLECK: This is it, guys.
NERMUT: That ring is fired up.
[The crew locks into their chairs]
PLECK: It's like a vertical pool of water.
AJ: Oh.
HORSEHAT: Oh, cool.
PLECK: Well, Bargie, take us through.
NERMUT: [pumping up noises]
BARGIE: What am I doing?
PLECK: We're going through the device. We're going to fly through the ring, to the Zyxx Quadrant!
NERMUT: Into the vertical water.
[Bargie moves through the device!]
AJ: Here we go. Hold on!
CREW: [screaming]
PLECK: Wow, we did it, guys. We're here!
[The crew exits their chairs]
AJ: Awesome.
PLECK: [LAUGHING]
NERMUT: [excited] I feel intact. My body feels OK!
PLECK: Yeah.
C-53: Yeah, it should feel OK. We're in the exact same spot we were before we left.
PLECK: What?
HORSEHAT: Oh no.
AJ: Well, if we're in the exact same spot, how can you explain this? We're still in the hangar bay.
PLECK: No, we already-- OK. No, look.
AJ: We're in the hangar bay of the Synergy in Zyxx. Do you know what I mean? Think about it.
PLECK: No, there's no Synergy in Zyxx, AJ.
C-53: AJ, think about what you just said.
PLECK: OK, Bargie, can you actually back-- can we go back through?
NERMUT: Back it out. Back it out. Guys, I'm going to pop out with the instruction manual and just double check the connections and stuff.
PLECK: OK, sure.
NERMUT: So, all right. [humming and flipping through instructions] This looks good. OK, everything's connected here. And boom. OK, we did this. That's good.
AJ: Yeah, we're probably fine. You know, it's probably that we didn't put the thing that mounts against the wall up. You know what I mean?
PLECK: No, I don't think-- I think that's just for safety, AJ. I don't think that's–
AJ: Oh yeah. You don’t want it falling on the kids..
C-53: Do we try turning it off and then back on again?
AJ: A great point.
C-53: I'm just throwing that out there.
NERMUT: Guys, I don't know. It looks like it's perfectly built. I got all the way to the back page here where there's this-- [flips]
PLECK: Why is there a second little cartoon guy with a hammer?
AJ: Yeah, but he has his thumb up, though too.
C-53: Oh, Nermut…
PLECK: Yeah, but look, there's another guy with his thumb up and a hammer…
C-53: And a second gate.
PLECK: Why is there two of the same picture on this last page? There's the guy with the hammer.
C-53: Because you need to travel from one to the other. We can't do it with just one of these.
PLECK: We have to-- there has to be another one at the place we're going?
C-53: Yes, Pleck, this is what this friendly pictograph is telling us.
PLECK: But--
C-53: [shreds instructions angrily] Rodd, what a waste!
PLECK: But how would we ever do that? The whole point is for us to build this so we can--
AJ: So what you're saying is we need to fly through it twice?
PLECK: No, no.
C-53: No, AJ.
PLECK: No, AJ, there needs to be one IN the Zyxx quadrant for us to fly to.
AJ: Well, then all we have to do, I guess, is go to the Zyxx quadrant and build the other one.
PLECK: Yes, yes, exactly. You're absolutely right, AJ.
C-53: That’s ALL we need to do, AJ! We just got to get to the Zyxx quadrant, and then there will be no problem.
AJ: Well, why don't we-- Bargie, to the Zyxx quadrant.
BARGIE: Which way is that?
PLECK: Bargie, no.
NERMUT: We don't know. Hold on.
PLECK: [despondent] We were so close. I thought we had it.
NERMUT: I think we weren't close.
AJ: So let me get this straight. We took resources from the ship to build this giant thing that brings the K'hekk out of hiding after decades of hibernation. They invade the ship and killed a lot of people on board, and all of that was… Now, just let me know if I'm getting this right. For nothing. Just for nothing.
NERMUT: I mean, that's right. I don't know you have to say it.
AJ: Okay, just wanted to make sure. This is all for nothing, everyone.
PLECK: This one hurts.
BARGIE: Also, I just learned that my show was canceled.
DAR: [exiting the bathroom] What?
AJ: The play, guys, the play.
PLECK: Is it because the theater was dissimilated by the K'hekk?
BARGIE: Yes. Also, critics called it unwatchable. So.
AJ: Oh, man. Sometimes I wish I had a telepathic link to the clones so I'd just be like, "Do this."
NERMUT: Yeah, you could just say, "Build another gate."
AJ: And they'd do it. It's like, what if I was psychically connected to them?
C-53: Yeah, what if you had an intergalactic communications network and access to a group… of workers… that you could tell to build… something?
AJ: Yeah, why are you saying it so slow?
C-53: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uhuh. Just give me a couple minutes here. Wow, oh, the beams! [C-53 flaps wildly]
NERMUT: C-53, what are you doing?
C-53: I really got to glop it out here. Oh, okay, wow. Ooh, that's big.
AJ: Mr. Bugman, what is happening?
C-53: Okay, the K'hekk have a network to communicate with their--
PLECK: But C-53, they only listen to the Grower Mind.
C-53: That's because there's not another intelligence present in the network of the K'hekk. Now I'm in there, baby. Oh, boy.
AJ: Dar! Dar, should we kill C-53 right now?
DAR: Yes…
PLECK: Stop, AJ, no, stop. We're all–
DAR: I mean, just what is he saying?
PLECK: Explain that again, C-53.
C-53: So we met the brain, right? We met the actual Grower Mind. There's no other minds in the K'hekk network except for me. Now I'm tapped in. Do you understand?
PLECK: You could relay the instructions to make the device in the Zyxx quadrant.
C-53: That's right. I'm reaching out. I can see through these other K'hekk's eyes. They're in the Zyxx quadrant.
PLECK: Oh my Rodd.
C-53: And they are very excited to receive instructions to build something. They don't know the difference between an instruction from me and an instruction from the Grower Mind. Here. [distorted] Listen, my children! The Grower Mind commands you to build this structure for the glory of the swarm.
K’HEKKS: We are the K'hekk! We are the K'hekk!
PLECK: That's pretty good.
AJ: That's pretty good.
PLECK: That's pretty solid. You got real scary when you said that.
BARGIE: Wait, did we date once?
PLECK: No, I don't think-- this is C-53, Bargie.
C-53: Yeah, Barge.
BARGIE: Oh, yeah, he just sounded like someone.
C-53: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
PLECK: Sounded like SOMEONE you used to date? We literally just came from the planet with the brain. We know that person, Bargie.
AJ: Yeah, Bargie.
BARGIE: I don't know who…
AJ: Bargie, are you depressed? What's going on?
DAR: [laughs]
BARGIE: I don't know. I have a thriving career here, and I meet my son, and now I'm having both things taken away from me. For some greater mission that I don't even really understand, to be perfectly honest.
AJ: Yeah. [hushed] Hey, Dar, Dar, Dar.
DAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
AJ: Should we kill Bargie?
PLECK: [angry] What? Would you guys knock it off?
DAR: What?
NERMUT: Stop.
PLECK: All right, C-53, this is amazing. You're commanding legions of bugs to do whatever you want. You know, as soon as they figured out the instructions and everything, we'll–
C-53: I mean, they're telling me it's done.
PLECK: What? Hey.
NERMUT: Perfectly executed maneuver.
C-53: Actually, yeah, let me tell them…
NERMUT: Yeah, do that.
C-53: [distorted] Another perfectly executed maneuver by the swarm!
K’HEKKS: Yeah!
PLECK: Wow. I like when you do that, but it also is terrifying.
C-53: Don't tell anyone about this. And don't build another one!
PLECK: Good call, that’s a good call.
C-53: Goodbye. Goodbye. I don't know what his sign-off is.
NERMUT: Kinda less like the Grower Mind.
C-53: Yeah, I got out of it a little bit. Yeah, sorry.
NERMUT: So I got to say, I think it's pretty-- it was good that that cool bro Grobo ovoposited you.
C-53: You got to stop giving Grobo so much credit.
PLECK: I don't know if that makes me like Grobo.
NERMUT: But, like, you know, he's kind of getting us home.
AJ: It's all working now? It's like we can go home for real now?
[The portal hums to life again]
PLECK: I mean, I guess so.
C-53: Yeah, see, this portal looks a lot more legit. Like there's something on the other side of the water.
NERMUT: Oh, yeah, this one looks freaky.
PLECK: Okay, all right, guys, I guess give it another shot.
NERMUT: Bye-bye, Reflactorium. Bye-bye, Galaxy of Grobo.
PLECK: I do feel a little bit guilty that we essentially destroyed this ship and now we're bailing on the entire galaxy.
C-53: I think they might be glad to see us go.
PLECK: That's a good point.
THEMM ENGINEER: [shouting] Toop you! Toop you!
PLECK: Okay, we got to go. All right, Bargie, take us through!
CREW: [nervous groaning]
BARGIE: [singing] I'm on the road again. I'm on the road again. Bargie’s on the road again! What’s the point of it all?
[The crew enter the portal! With a loud discharge of energy, they emerge]
PLECK: Bargie, do you know where we are? Did we make it?
NERMUT: Did we make it? Do people know my music?
PLECK: Bargie, open the windows!
[Bargie slides her viewport open, a mass of horrible bugs is skittering]
NERMUT: Is it..?
CREW: OH!
PLECK: SO many bugs out there!
C-53: Wow, that is… that is objectively a lot of K'hekk.
NERMUT: Gnarly. Oh, look at the device they built. It's, like, dripping.
PLECK: Oh, it looks just like our device except it's made of, like, goo…
NERMUT: And, like, bug bodies.
BARGIE: Yeah, we're back in Zyxx.
PLECK: Ugh. This is just like our shiny cool device except shittier and Zyxxier.
[crumbling noises]
PLECK: Oh, it just collapsed.
C-53: I guess, pretty good that we went through when we did, because I think we might have gotten chopped in half before we waited any longer. [distorted] Excellent work, my children. Now disperse, and don't tell me, the grower mind, about any of this!
NERMUT: We're home. We're home.
AJ:Yeah! We did it! Yes. We did it! All right!
BARGIE: AHHHH.
NERMUT: Yeah!
PLECK: Well, I feel like I've got to go call my parents.
AJ: Hey, it's just us just hanging out back in Zyxx. It feels good.
PLECK: It does feel good.
[Justin exits Bargie’s bathroom]
JUSTIN: Yeah, guys. I'm so excited that, like, the OGs are back together again.
CREW: [Groaning]
NERMUT: Justin…
C-53: Hey, Justin.
JUSTIN: What?
DAR: Oh, that's your name: Justin!
JUSTIN: [offended] What?
[outro music, Engineer Tomack Bardlow exits the Reflactorium]
TOMACK BARDLOW: Grower Mind!
GROWER MIND: My children, seize this survivor and assimilate them.
TOMACK: I know what you're looking for. It's the technology that I have developed.
GROWER MIND: The technology we've been searching for is in this room.
TOMACK: Oh, yes, yes, yes. It is right inside of this laboratory. You should come and get it.
GROWER MIND: Every K'hekk aboard the ship, set a strategic path following the pheromones to the laboratory!
[The K'hekk file into the Reflactorium]
TOMACK: Oh, yes. Yes, everyone, come inside, please. Are you all in?
GROWER MIND: All the K’hekk on the ship are in the laboratory.
TOMACK: Okay, great. Computer, run the program named Enormous Steel-Toed Boot for Squishing.
COMPUTER: Are you sure? This will terminate program OptiSoft.
TOMACK: Affirmative.
[The computer chimes and the Reflactorium begins crushing. There are some EXTREMELY wet crushing sounds]
GROWER MIND: No! It was a ruse. Our organs and juices!
C-RED-IT5: This is C-RED-IT5, credits and attributions droid, commencing outro protocol. Pleck Decksetter was played by Alden Ford. Lead Envoy C-53, Captain Syrock, Hark Tardigast, and Zalcatron 5000 were played by Jeremy Bent. Dar and Jeremiah Frankenfurter were played by Allie Kokesh. Bargie the Ship, Seesu Gundu, Justin Ballwheat, Grustine, and Tatch co-founder Gerkk, were played by Moujan Zolfaghari. Nermut Bundaloy and Tatch co-founder Krozak, were played by Seth Lind. AJ, Centurion Tiddle, and the K'hekk Swarm were played by Winston Noel. The Growermind of the K'hekk
and Grobo were played by special guest John Robert Wilson. John Robert performs with Thank You Robot at Caveat in NYC and at the Chaos Bloom Theater in Denver. Follow him on Twitter @JohnRobertWilson or @JR_PlaysGames. This episode was edited by Seth Lind and Alden Ford with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by FAMES Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Additional music by Shane O'Connell. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz. Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.
WILL: Since the dawn of time, screenwriters have taken months to craft their stories. But now, three Hollywood professionals shall attempt the impossible. Break a story in one hour.
FREDDIE: That's right. Here on Story Break, I, Freddie Wong, Matt Arnold, and Will Campos, the creators behind award-winning shows like Video Game High School…
MATT: -have one hour to turn a humble idea into an awesome movie.
WILL: Now, an awesome movie starts with an awesome title.
MATT: I chose The Billionaire's Marriage Valley.
FREDDIE: Mine was Christmas Pregnant Paradise.
MATT: Okay, next we need a protagonist.
WILL: So, I've heard Wario best described as Libertarian Mario.
FREDDIE: And of course, every great movie needs a stellar pitch.
WILL: In order to get to heaven, sometimes you gotta raise a little hell.
FREDDIE: Ha ha, that's the tagline! Check out Story Break every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.
JO: Hi, I'm Jo Firestone.
MANOLO: And I'm Manolo Moreno.
JO: And we host Doctor Game Show, a podcast where listeners submit games and we play them regardless of quality with a dozen listeners from around the world.
MANOLO: We've had folks call in from as far as Sweden, South Africa, and the Philippines.
JO: Here's an example. This is a game we called Zoo-ey Deschanel, where you turn a celebrity's name into an animal pun. You have an example, Manolo?
MANOLO: Brad Gorilla Pitt.
JO: Oh, that's a pun on gorilla pits?
MANOLO: Yep.
JO: I don't know if that's...
MANOLO: That's Brad Pitt.
JO: Oh, okay.
MANOLO: That's a high-quality game that you can expect.
JO: Yeah. Doctor Game Show has new episodes every other Wednesday on Maximum Fun.
MANOLO: Check us out, please.
MAXIMUM FUN: MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience supported.
WINSTON: Oh, the body's like split in half!
JEREMY: My head is going apart. [Groaning]
SETH: Ah, Jeremy broke in half today.
CREW: [Laughter]
ALDEN: [groans]
JEREMY: Seth, you're going to go to prison for that one. They're not going to let you out. It's going to be bad.
WINSTON: Oh, no. I love it. I love it.
ALDEN: “Oh no, I love it.” Oh, boy.