Episode 114: There Are No Second Chances [ft. Lydia Hensler]

The crew is summoned to the planet Klongtdt, which is spelled like that and full of children. BARGIE wagers. C-53 enforces the rules. DAR does their actual job, for better or worse.

+ Episode Transcript

Narrator: The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, Ambassador Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zyxx.

[intro music]

[Dar and Pleck are sat eating ice cream sundaes]

BARGIE: Okay, who wants another sundae?

PLECK: Oh, yeah I’ll take one!

DAR: I mean If you’re offering, I’ll have another!

BARGIE: Alright, there ya go.

PLECK: This is the best!

BARGIE: Used a couple Kroons I had and just got myself a delivery of an interior ice cream machine, putting it to good use.

DAR: It’s really self-sacrificing of you Bargie.

PLECK: Yeah, it’s very kind. Wait, can you eat ice cream? Or is this really just for us?

BARGIE: No, I just really enjoy other people inside of me consuming food I wish I could consume, you know. I just like guests.

PLECK: You know that’s really, really nice of you Bargie.

DAR: Bargie, do you have bad news to tell us?

[Silence]

BARGIE: [Sighs] Yeah I do.

PLECK: What!?

DAR: Yeah, okay.

BARGIE: Um…

C-53: This is a classic misdirect, Ambassador Decksetter.

DAR: My parents did this when they told me they were separating.

PLECK: Oh.

BARGIE: So as you all know I have a gambling problem, and as a result…

DAR: Wait, wait, wait. We need to step back. We did not know you had a gambling problem.

PLECK: Bargie, is everything okay? What happened?

BARGIE: Nothing it’s just, you go off, you do your missions, I just feel all I do is drop you off and wait until you get inside of me again, and so I just… Why you’re off doing whatever it is you’re doing, I go off and gamble things, mainly engine parts, and you know…

PLECK: Wait, Bargie-

BARGIE: [rambling] Batteries, and beds, and furniture, and…

[Silence]

BARGIE: Who wants another ice cream?

PLECK: Guys, hold on, I just need to check my room real quick.

[Peck gets up and leaves to check his room]

BARGIE: That was your own decision.

[Pleck returns]

PLECK: Hey guys, the mattress box that I fashioned into a mattress is gone.

C-53: You lost your mattress box?

PLECK: Remember when the mattress came and it was an empty box?

C-53: No, I remember, it was an empty box.

PLECK: Bargie how hard up were you where you had to sell a broken down cardboard box?

BARGIE: Umm… ahh… Basically-

C-53: Bargie, what were you betting on?

BARGIE: Everything?

C-53: Literally everything?

BARGIE: That’s the thing, sorry. Big surprise, I betted you guys, and I have until the end of the day to bring up enough money or else you belong to someone else. It’s like another ship or something, it’s not a big deal, it’s fun and games. Anyway, I got until the end of the day to figure it out but uh, sorry. Don’t even worry about it, it’s fine.

[Silence]

PLECK: Okay…

DAR: Alright.

C-53: Already forgotten.

[Beeps and boops of an incoming transmission]

C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy.

PLECK: Nermut!

NERMUT: Hey guys! Uh, hang on [typing] I’m just sending off a message to a… internet admirer… and send!

PLECK: Wait, what?

DAR: Back up!

NERMUT: Huh?

PLECK: Wait, what’s happening?

NERMUT: Well, I mean now you know I am obviously an entertainer of sorts…

PLECK: Oh you’re talking about Nermut Bundaloy?

C-53: You’re talking about ‘Speeder Ride’?

NERMUT: Well I just, I was just messaging with someone who was wondering how to get into the biz and…

C-53: Did you have a lot of advice?

PLECK: [laughing] Yeah, what biz do consider yourself to be in Nermut? You record those by yourself in the cleaning chamber.

NERMUT: Yeah but, you can sort of eventually… Someone’s gonna reach out and say ‘I would like to sponsor you’ and it’s an additional income stream.

C-53: You say eventually someone reaches out to you, has that to you happened yet?

NERMUT: No, no, no. That’s in the future. So I was telling this person what you wanna make sure you have is a computer with a microphone.

PLECK: You have that little keyboard you play when you sing as well, right?

NERMUT: Completely normal sized keyboard.

C-53: It’s pretty small. A Tellurian couldn’t play that keyboard.

PLECK: Yeah, I couldn’t. My fingers are too fat.

NERMUT: Okay. So. Here’s the deal, this came through and I was like, ‘Oh! Exciting.’ So you are going to, I don’t know if you’ve heard of the planet Klongtdt? [silence]

PLECK:... No.

NERMUT: No? Okay. I hadn’t either and then I read about it.

PLECK: Was that a stutter or is that what the name of the..

C-53: No, the planet’s name is “Klongtdt”

NERMUT: Yes.

PLECK: I- can you spell that?

NERMUT: Yes, it’s K-L-O-N-G-T-D-T. Klongtdt.

PLECK: Klongtdt-td.

C-53: You’ve done one too many.

PLECK: Sorry! I’m still working it out.

NERMUT: And um, we have very little information about the dignitary you're meeting other than apparently this person is Number 1. All it says after… Normally there’s a little bio or something, and it says “Number 1” and the entity's name is ‘Squirlt’.

PLECK: Squirlt.

NERMUT: Yes. So… Uh, I dunno. That sounds like…

C-53: Are we to understand that Squirlt is a powerful entity on Klongtdt?

NERMUT: It’s well known that if something has one name that’s like, always a telling thing…

C-53: Known as a ‘power move’

NERMUT: Yes, absolutely.

C-53: Very well.

PLECK: Listen guys-

DAR: To Klongtdt!

PLECK: To Klongtdt!

C-53: That was good!

[music]

SEESU GUNDU: Attention rebels, this is your leader Seesu Gundu with an important alert. Support for our rebellion against the JANKY Federated Alliance comes from… Hello Fresh! With X-Mares fast approaching and the elaborate preparations for the mandatory rebel gift swap, we know you will have even less time than normal to cook healthy meals! Luckily Hello Fresh offers a wide variety of chef curated recipes that change weekly. Hello Fresh sources the freshest ingredients measured to the exact quantities needed so there’s no food waste! And they deliver food right to your doorstep in a recyclable insulated box so you can make delicious, balanced dinners for less than 10 dollars per meal. It is too easy! You’ll have to try my personal favorite, butternut squash and sage risotto with parmesan and pepitas! Welcome to Yum Town, population me! For 30 dollars off your first week of Hello Fresh, visit HelloFresh.com and enter promo code ZYXX30. That’s HelloFresh.com, promo code ZYXX30. Later, my rebels! Gundu b-b-b-out!

[music]

[The crew have arrived on Klungtdt to find a crowd of children] DAR: Wow, look at all these…

PLECK: Kids!

DAR:... impeccably dressed children.

C-53: Yes they are remarkably well groomed.

DAR: It’s horrifying.

C-53: There are an abnormal amount of children Klongtdt so far, we may be in the proximity of some sort of training academy or boarding school.

DAR: Hey, Pleck?

PLECK: Yeah?

DAR: That one over there, do you think he’s giving me the eye or something?

PLECK: Well I mean, you’re really big, maybe he thinks you’re some sort-

CHILD: I smell ice cream.

DAR: That really demanding one over there?

PLECK: Yeah.

CHILD: Where’s that ice cream coming from? That ice cream smell! [starts sniffing]

PLECK: Uh, I mean honestly it could be any of us. We had ice cream.

DAR: We are very full of ice cream.

CHILD: It’s into you, I can see it.

DAR: Excuse you? Do not touch me!

PLECK: C-53 is this like a planet where everyone’s a child?

C-53: How would that work, Ambassador Decksetter?

PLECK: I don’t know, that’s a question for you! That’s a classic C-53 question.

C-53: It is not a planet of children.

PLECK: I’m just saying-

CHILD 2: Our parents sent us here because they love us!

CHILD: Yeah, our parents love us. This is the most prestigious academy in the quadrant.

PLECK: What do you mean the academy?

CHILD: It’s a small planet but the whole thing is a school.

CHILD 3: When your parents love you they send you away.

PLECK: Yeah, I guess so. To be fair that’s what happened to me. I was 22, so I’m not sure if it’s the same.

CHILD 2: Ew.

CHILD: You’re an adult.

C-53: Your parents sent you away?

PLECK: Yeah, well they were like-

CHILD: Do they not love you?

PLECK: they were like get a job, that’s like the same thing right?

C-53: and you couldn’t get a job on Rangus 6?

PLECK: I didn’t wanna be a farmer, so I joined the Federated Alliance! Now I get to go on space adventures every day, huh? What do you think of that? Wanna be an ambassador when you grow up?

CHILD: JUCK no. Juck the Federated Alliance!

PLECK: Woah! You can’t say that.

CHILD: I can say whatever I want.

C-53: Well for now you’re going to have to say, “All hail the Federated Alliance”

CHILD: Or what?

C-53: Or I will crush your hand

CHILD: Oh, what? [upset noises]

PLECK: No, don’t do that.

C-53: I’m sorry but-

PLECK: I know that’s technically the-

CHILD: What!? [crying now]

C-53: Disrespecting the Federated Alliance in front of Federated Alliance droids requires swift retribution…

PLECK: No, nononono.

CHILD: I’m gonna tell Squirlt!

[Child runs off]

PLECK: You’re gonna tell- oh crap. C53, listen. We gotta talk about the insubordination thing. Like, you can’t harm a child.

C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, the insubordination rules are clearly laid out in the Federated Alliance handbook.

PLECK: Yeah but see, he’s just a kid.

[Child returns with a woman in tow]

CHILD: Hey stupid boots!

PLECK: Okay, now-

CHILD: What!? Jucking stupid boots!

PLECK: I was just sticking up for you! I was literally in the process of sticking up for you!

CHILD: So? The big one is cool, the droid is cruel, you’ve got stupid jucking boots.

PLECK: These are standard issue boots, by the way.

CHILD: And this is Squirlt.

SQUIRLT: Hi!

PLECK: Hello! Thanks so much for inviting us! My name’s Ambassador Pleck Decksetter, I’m here with the Federated Alliance! This is C53-

SQUIRLT: Oh my gosh!

PLECK: … and this is Dar.

SQUIRLT: Hi, I’m Jennifer Squirlt. I’m the holographer here at the school and it’s Holo-day! [Children cheer]

Children: When I say holo you say day! Holo! Day!

C-53: Ambassador Decksetter I believe we have wandered into a school Holo-day. Do you remember having one like this on Rangus 6?

PLECK: No yeah, we’d get our Holo’s taken and I’d always have to comb my hair. It was real fun.

SQUIRLTl: Ambassador from Rangus 6!

C-53: Parents would buy Holo’s in varying sizes…

PLECK: Right!

LITTLE GIRL: Squirlt! Squirlt! Am I next? Am I next? Is it my halo day?

SQUIRLT: Yes you can, yes you can! What background did you order?

LITTLE GIRL: I ordered the pink background with a little bit of red sparkles on it!

SQUIRLT: Okay, let me just pull that down… Hop up on that stool there. [Little girl sits on stool] Alright, take a moment and intend what you’d like to be in the future. Here we go, 3..2..1… Say future!

LITTLE GIRL: Future!

[A flash as the holo is taken]

SQUIRLT: That’s great! No second chances! Buh-bye!

PLECK: Woah, listen. I don’t know what just happened there but that was intense.

SQUIRLT: It’s Holo-day!

CHILD: happy Holo-day!

PLECK: Alright, what were you saying about the future?

SQUIRLT: Oh, yeah! So here’s what’s fun about Holo-day, your entire future is determined by this day.

PLECK: Uh… how?

SQUIRLT: Here on Klongtdt… By the way, how did you find the place? DAR: Oh uh, GPS?

C-53: Set of coordinates?

PLECK: Galactic Positioning System.

SQUIRLT: Okay, a lot of people fly right by us.

DAR: Do they fly right by you or do they avoid a planet full of very loud children?

SQUIRLT: Okay!

PLECK: Dar doesn’t like children

DAR: I hate children

PLECK: Yeah she’s bad with children

SQUIRLT: Really?

DAR: I wouldn’t say I’m bad with them, I just have already chosen that they suck.

[The child from earlier sniffing for ice cream pops out of one of Dar’s flaps with a moist meaty sound]

CHILD: [gasping for air] I’ve been inside this flap for a really long time.

DAR: Ugh, ahh! Get out!

PLECK:Dar, that kid was in your flap!?

[Horrible moist noises]

CHILD: I’m so close I can almost get the ice cream…

C-53: You’re going this far for already eaten ice cream?

CHILD: Shut up!

DAR: Get out!

C-53: I won’t shut up.

CHILD: Somebody help, I’m stuck!

C-53: Well maybe I would help if I wasn’t so busy shutting up.

DAR: Gross!

SQUIRLT: Jiminy get out of that flap, you’re up!

JIMINY: I’m trying to get out!

SQUIRLT: You don’t want me to take your holo in a flap, that’s not gonna be good.

JIMINY: No, I don’t want my holo in a flap!

DAR: You cannot come out a flap, you have to go out a chute.

JIMINY: What!?

DAR: You cannot come out a flap, you have to go out a chute.

JIMINY: But I’m about to get my holo made!

DAR: I… don’t… exit out the flaps. I exit out the chutes.

JIMINY: Okay… Ms. Squirlt I’m going to have to climb up through this flap [Jiminy struggles inside]

[Jiminy is screaming from inside the flap]

SQUIRLT: Oh well! 3..2..1… You’ve been hallowed! [voice distorts] No second chances! Okay, bye bye!

PLECK: The Holo is just this kid’s feet going into Dar’s flap.

SQUIRLT: It’s sad, yeah. He has zero future.

PLECK: What!?

SQUIRLT: Yeah so on holo day, we set up the kids, they get to pick their background, and we take their holo, and then printed on the back side of the holo is what is instore for them for their future. So…

C-53: How is that determined?

DAR: Yeah…

SQUIRLT: Well, I sort of do it? But it was a power that was wished into me.

PLECK: Woah.

SQUIRLT: So I’m not in control of it, I’m merely a vessel for the future determining. So I’m the one that does the holo-ing but the future is just sort of, beyond me.

DAR: So that’s cute, you just sort of assign these kids little professions..

SQUIRLT: No like, their entire future.

C-53: I believe Jennifer Squirlt may be precognitive in some manner.

PLECK: Yeah, that’s crazy. So how often are you wrong about that?

SQUIRLT: I’ve never been wrong.

DAR: Never been wrong?

PLECK: You determine their futures correctly every time.

SQUIRLT: Every single time. Jiminy who’s in your flap, he’ll never come out of your chute.

EVERYONE: What!?

DAR: No, no, no.

SQUIRLT: Sorry, that’s his future.

DAR: I don’t want- not only do I not want kids, I don’t want a kid like, inside of me.

SQUIRLT: You’re not a mother, you’re just stuck with a child in your chute. That’s his future! No second chances, happy Holo-day.

[Jiminy sobbing inside the flap]

SQUIRLT: Oh, I really liked him too..

DAR: Listen Jiminy, I’m not happy about this either.

[Jiminy sobs more]

C-53: i hope this is not a fate that befalls more children at this particular institution

SQUIRLT: Yeah, keep your flaps closed please.

DAR: Wow! Policing my body!?

SQUIRLT: No, no, no! This is a flap positive planet-

DAR: I didn’t ask for a child, he did that without consent.

SQUIRLT: This is a flap positive planet I’m just saying if you’re gonna walk around with open flaps, kids might fall in them. I don’t know, it’s not a judgement, it’s just the reality of Klongtdt.

DAR: I have very tight flaps!

SQUIRLT: Okay, I’m just saying, here on Klongtdt kids can just fall into flaps.

DAR: They’re so sticky and gross and he was exploring something that he shouldn’t have been.

New CHILD: Ms Squirlt, Ms Squirlt.

SQUIRLT: What’s up?

CHILD: I was wondering if I could get my holo taken right now? Well it’s holo day.

SQUIRLT: Yeah, I know it’s Holo Day, but there’s an order to things.

CHILD: Okay…

SQUIRLT: Garful, what have I told you about rushing your destiny, huh?

GARFUL: Don’t.

SQUIRLT: Yeah, that’s right Garful, I said don’t rush your destiny.

GARFUL:[ groans]

SQUIRLT: Alright, pick a background.

GARFUL: [groans] Heroic background.

SQUIRLT: Okay, here we go, stand on that rock.

[Garful walks over to the rock and positions himself in a ‘heroic’ pose]

GARFUL: Okay

PLECK: Oh wow, one leg up on the rock, that’s pretty heroic.

GARFUL: I wanna be a space architect!

PLECK: Like Lecrane Lacrosse.

GARFUL: Yeah that’s my favorite movie!

SQUIRLT: Okay here we go, think about your future! Think about what you want! Here we go in, 3, 2, 1… Holo!

GARFUL: Holo!!

[Flash as holo is taken]

SQUIRLT: [voice distorted and evil] No second chances.

PLECK: Woah

NW: whimpers in fear

PLECK: What was that?

SQUIRLT: What? That was Holo Day!

DAR: When your voice went all scary.

SQUIRLT: What? Well there’s just no second chances, you get one take at your holo and that’s your life. [Deep breath] Okay, well, alright. I’m sorry, you’re gonna take care of your invalid mother.

GARFUL: [Groans]

SQUIRLT: For the rest of your life.

PLECK: Well thats kinda nice, Garful.

GARFUL: Shut up! So my destiny, my entire destiny… what happens when my invalid mother passes away?

SQUIRLT: She won’t

PLECK: Oh no!

NW: that’s right my species.. We’re Methusalens!

PLECK: Oh yeah, that’s right… Methusalens..

C-53: Extremely long lived.

PLECK: They sort of just get old and stay there.

C-53: Ironically they get old early and then just stay old for an extremely long time.

GARFUL: Ugh… juck.

[A new child runs up]

CHILD: [Speaking with a speech impediment] I think I’m next.

SQUIRLT: Yeah, come on in.

CHILD: How does my s’irt look.

C-53: How does your what look??

CHILD: My s’irt.

[silence]

C-53: Your what?

CHILD: S’irt.

C-53: Are you trying to say the word “shirt”?

CHILD: Yeah, my s’irt.

SQUIRLT: His tongue was cut off.

C-53: Oh, I’m very sorry..

PLECK: C-53, what a gaffe.

SQUIRLT: It was a punishment.

SQUIRLT: Alright, hop on up…

CHILD: You sure it looks good?

SQUIRLT: What?

CHILD: You said the s’irt looks good?

SQUIRLT: Yeah, it looks good. I don’t think it should cause you any physical injury.

CHILD: Okay

SQUIRLT: Are you guys offended though? Because his shirt does say “Juck The Federated Alliance”

C-53: I’m afraid I’m going to have to confiscate that shirt.

[C-53 rips the shirt off the child’s body]

Everyone: Woah!

DAR: C just ripped it off his body!

PLECK: C-53!

CHILD: My favorite s’irt…

SQUIRLT: Oh boy, that’s okay… It’s okay…

CHILD: Hows my torso look?

PLECK: [laughs] Pretty unflappable kid.

CHILD: I’m gonna lean on this scaffolding

SQUIRLT: Great, alright, here we go. 3,2,1… Future! [Flash as holo is taken] [voice distorted] There are no second chances.

CHILD: What am I?

SQUIRLT: Oh you’re going to be a great ship builder… Yes.

DAR: This kid?

SQUIRLT: Yes.

DAR: A great ship builder? Can we hear you say ‘ship’?

CHILD: I can’t wait to build a s’ip.

DAR: Yep.

C-53: He’s going to be a ‘great’ ship builder?

SQUIRLT: He’s going to be a great ship builder.

CHILD: Build the biggest s’ips. And JUCK the federal alliance!

[C53 wallops the kid]

PLECK: Ugh, C-53!

SQUIRLT: Excuse me!

C-53: I am sorry…

SQUIRLT: It is Holo-day! No violence on Holo-day!

C-53: All subjects of the Federated Alliance but abide by the law of the Federated Alliance.

PLECK: C-53, we cannot- we are ambassadors, we cannot be doing that.

C-53: Ambassador Decksetter you must understand the prime directive of all Federated Alliance ambassadors is to quelch the rebellion.

PLECK: What rebellion!? What are you talking about?

C-53: To quelch it.

PLECK: I don’t think that’s true.

DAR: Alright, you guys settle this. Out of my way, I’m getting my holo taken.

CHILDREN: You have to wait in line!

[Another child approaches]

NEW CHILD: I’m up next!

SQUIRLT: Centurion pick out a-

PLECK: Centurion, that’s a cool name.

CENTURION: Yeah, it’s a rad name. It’s the best Rodd damn name in the quadrant.

PLECK: Okay, now you’re getting a little cocky.

CENTURION: Yeah I’m Centurion Tiddle, deal with it.

PLECK: [Laughs]

CENTURION: What?

PLECK: No, it’s just you have a really cool first name but your last name is a little…

DAR: It’s embarrassing.

CENTURION: Shut up!

DAR: Wow! Rude!

PLECK: Your last name is Tiddle?

CENTURION: Why don’t you go juck yourself.

EVERYONE: Woah!

SQUIRLT: Alright, Centurion, language okay. Pick out your background.

CENTURION: Oo, yeah, this one.

C-53: It’s a black hole.

CENTURION: Yeah…

DAR: Why a black hole?

CENTURION: ‘Cause it’s how I feel sometimes, no one gets me…

PLECK: Alright…

SQUIRLT: Okay Centurian, happy holiday on 3, 1,2,3… Happy holo day! [flash as holo is taken] [distorted demonic voice] NO SECOND CHANCES

PLECK: That was by far the biggest one.

C-53: It was like a cold wind came through, did you notice that?

SQUIRLT: Wow. Uh, you’re a traitor.

PLECK: What?

CENTURION: What?

SQUIRLT: You’re a traitor, you’re going to betray the Federated Alliance.

CENTURION: Oh yeah well, of course I am!

DAR: Of course you are??

CENTURION: Yeah! My dad is Rolphus Tiddle, he’s a commander in the rebellion.

C-53: You’re the son of Rolphus Tiddle?

CENTURION: Yeah.

DAR: Ugh, that last name. It doesn’t work with anything.

[C-52 begins to whir, powering up]

C-53: Quantoran Overide.

DAR: What?

C-53: Known associate of commander of rebels-

DAR: See?

PLECK: what’s happening?

C-53: … and underwear salesman, Rolphus Tiddle

CENTURION: That’s a side gig!

PLECK: Okay…

C-53: Identity confirmed. Vaporization commencing.

DAR: C, this isn’t a good prank anymore… C, we don’t like this! C!

[Children screaming, vaporizing noises, a scuffle ensues as Dar crushes C-52]

PLECK: Dar… What did you do?

DAR: I… [Dar chutes out the child stuck in her flap]

[music]

PLECK: Dar? Are you okay?

DAR: We’re… We’re gonna be fine.

PLECK: Yeah.

DAR: You know what? Pleck, you and I? We’re gonna be...

PLECK: Yeah, everything’s…

DAR: We’re gonna be okay.

PLECK: Everything’s great.

DAR: I had to… dismember our friend.

PLECK: Yep. I have to say, that was very impressive. I mean, C-53 is big, he’s made of metal, and you just… it was like tearing a piece of…

DAR: [in tears] I destroyed him. I destroyed him.

PLECK: Oh no, it’s just, I mean…

DAR: I was only operating at like, 60% and I ruined him

PLECK: You straight up wrecked him

DAR: I wrecked him. [sighs deeply]

PLECK: Well listen, don’t take it so hard. You did the right thing. And honestly, it was… you’re the security officer! You did your job!

BARGIE: I did my job, I did my job, everything’s back to normal! I won so many Kroons! [Sings] You don’t have to go anywhere!

PLECK: Bargie, great! I guess? That’s great.

DAR: Bargie, thank you. How’d you do it?

BARGIE: I don’t want to disclose that information, but let’s say it may come to haunt me in the future.

PLECK: [laughs] Oh no, Bargie.

[Beeps and boops of an incoming transmission]

[silence]

PLECK: oh no. we gotta answer this.

DAR: Okay, we can do this. We can answer.

PLECK: Yep, it’s totally fine, we’ll be fine.

DAR: We have to- our- [stammers]

PLECK: I’ll follow your lead.

DAR: I’m following your lead.

PLECK: Oh crap. Alright, here we go

[Transmission begins]

PLECK: Hey Nermut!

DAR: Nermut! Wow! [exaggerated laugh]

NERMUT: Hi hi hi!

[Dar laughs maniacally]

PLECK: Just a couple buds hanging out on Holo right?

NERMUT: That’s the type of enthusiasm I like.

DAR: Yep!

PLECK: Well you know why we’re enthusiastic?

NERMUT: Why?

PLECK: Is that was a smooth sailing mission…

DAR: [screaming] IT WAS THE BEST

NERMUT: So what was… what was Squirlt’s deal?

Together: She was… an… excellent cook… PLECK: Excellent cook.

DAR: Well Nermut, we wish you the best of luck, great mission, one for the books. And we will talk soon.

NERMUT: Before I go, I just wanna say… I really, really appreciate that I can trust you guys 100%. It just makes me feel so good. You guys are just on level with me. Anyway, til next time!

PLECK: Okay, have a good one!

DAR: Bye Nerm!

[Transmission ends]

[Silence]

DAR: I mean… it was really easy to hide C-53’s absence from Nermut.

BARGIE: He didn’t expect anything that I did, so…

DAR: I dunno Barge, you keep bringing it up and it’s almost like you want to talk about it?

BARGIE: I don’t wanna- [stammers] Why do people talk to me stupid.

DAR: Barge, on the count of 3, Pleck and I will tell you what we did if you tell us what you did.

Together: 1,2,3…

DAR & PLECK: We murdered C-53

BARGIE: I sold the ice cream machine.

PLECK: What!?

BARGIE: I’m so selfish.

DAR: You got rid of the ice cream machine!?

Together: Noooooooo!

DAR: Margie no!

END

C-RED-IT5: C-RED-IT5 credits and attributions droid, commencing outro protocol.

Ambassador Pleck Decksetter was played by Alden Ford

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent

Security Officer Dar was played by Allie Kokesh

Bargie the Ship and the excited student were played by Moujan Zolfaghari

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy and the unflappable were played by Seth Lind

Garful, Jiminy, and Centurion Tiddle were played by Winston Noel

Jennifer Squirlt was played by special guest Lydia Hensler. Lydia is a New York based actor and writer. You can catch her improvising at the UCB Theater with her team, Grandma’s Ashes and in the flagship show, Asssscat. For jokes and angry liberal retweets, follow her on twitter @lydiahensler For pics of graffiti, her dog, or new hats she’s bought, find her on instagram @lydiashmydia

Mission to Zyxx is recorded at Braund Studios in Greenwood, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O’Connell

This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O’Connell

Music by Brendan Ryan

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley

Ship design for the Bargarean Jade by Eric Geusz

Special thanks to [???] for assisting with sound.

Mission to Zyxx is brought to this galaxy by AudioBoom. Thanks, AudioBoom!

Have you noticed a critical error in our canon? Send an email to crew@missiontozyxx.space

Seth Lind